Beyond Upset....
So DH has been focusing on working on his boat and taking the skids with him. Last night he tells me that he has to go pick up a trailer about 2 1/2 hours away on Saturday.
I said well how are you doing that when it's the first weekend of the month and you have your kids. He said well I was hoping that they could stay with you. I told him that they are his kids and his visitation time.
He said so you want me to get them out of bed at 5 am to go ride for 2 1/2 hours in a car. I said well I didn't pop them out so they are your problem you figure out what you are going to do with them without involving me being a babysitter on a Saturday.
He said I was mean. I told him that I would watch them while he goes and picks up the trailer but however when he gets back into town then he need to pick them up before he goes to work on his boat.
I told him for future reference that he shouldn't just expect me to watch his kids just because he has something to do. He made those kids with BM so they are his responsiblity. I also said I am not going to be his babysitter when he has his kids as well.
So we are supposed to go out of town next week for the weekend and I wanted to leave at 4:00 am in the morning. Well DH picks up his kids every Thursday night and takes them back to BM's on Friday morning. I asked him if they could stay home just this one time so we can leave early. First he said no I want to see my kids and then he said I don't want BM to be able to use this against me in court.
Here is my logic on this it's one day and when these kids come on Thursday night he picks them up and buys them food then they immediately migrate to their rooms and he doesn't even spend any time with them. It's not like it's a school event or anything like that. So I don't get what the big deal is. I mean don't actions speak louder than words. I am beyond pissed.
Everyone that I know personally keeps saying that parents come last and kids come first always. Mind you they aren't step parents. They also said that I should've know this marrying someone that has kids. So I guess I am a jacka** for marrying someone that has kids and should've known what I was getting myself into. So I guess my feelings come last? Am I wrong for feeling the way I feel on these things?
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Comments
What about asking to switch
What about asking to switch it to Wednesday night next week? I mean, surely that can't be used against you in court. He isn't skipping out on any time with the kids (other than ditching them Saturday morning).
I just asked him and he said
I just asked him and he said that he wants to follow the CO? He said I won't see my kids for two weeks. He contradicts himself.
He is being a jackazz...
He is being a jackazz... Sorry!! Shifting one day to the left is not a big deal period!
He just sounds like a jackass
He just sounds like a jackass. In my house parents come first and that’s it. Why can’t he visit with them like normal and then drop them off before bed?
Because he just wants his own
Because he just wants his own way I guess. I just feel like I am always put on the back burner. I don't even want to go on this trip with him now.
I'd be pissed too. I bet
I'd be pissed too. I bet skids would be fine to get up at 5 a.m. and go with dad to pick up the trailer. We all know that would mean breakfast and lunch on the road and kids can sleep in the car. I know my BS8 would be begging DH to go with him. But no, you're DH would rather pawn them off on you. Thankfully my DH NEVER did this crap. There were times when skids were smaller and nicer and more respectful to me that I would offer to watch them if he had something to do but he NEVER just assumed that he could dump them on me.
I'd be pissed about the one night thing too. So stupid and just a shit ass excuse on his part.... like BM has NEVER, EVER changed the schedule a teensy bit even ONCE?? Come on.
Thank you DaizyDuke.
Thank you DaizyDuke.
It's that whole 'assuming'
It's that whole 'assuming' thing- especially if he tends to use you a lot. That said, not sure the ages of the kids- but if he's leaving at 530 and will be back around 9-10am- my kids woud have still been asleep and I would likely have to-it's the weekend ha! I would have helped him out had he ASKED-because in steplife it's not only who 'shot out the skids' but about partnership and helping eachother out. Typically that always looks more skewed w/stepmoms doing more though :( Can't say that in my case my SO definately has more then helped w/my sons for years.
As for the overnight- he's being an ass-however so many times we preach 'stick to the CO" because the second somethign changes all hell breaks lose or bm starts taking advantage- if this is typical then his best bet is to just skip that one night and give them a call instead. I don't think it's right either to have them overnight and drop them off at 4am -so maybe he can take them for dinner and returns them that night?
Ughhh! It seems like he
Ughhh! It seems like he wants to pick and choose when he wants to play daddy. When he asked if he should get them up at 5 am to drive 2.5 hours I would have said.. "YES, it won't hurt them a bit to get up early and then you and the boys can take your time... stop and have a breakfast with them. Have some boy time in the car and bond with them alone!
I mean, it's not like he is against waking them up fairly early on Friday mornings to return them right?
When he refused to try to change his visitation on that Thursday evening because he wanted time with the boys.. I would have told him that was great and that he was going to have MORE time with them because you were no longer available for babysitting on Saturday because "you need to spend time with the boys".
He can't have it both ways and if he was more open to being reasonable with you, I wouldn't suggest being like that, but based on the way he has been behaving, he absolutely deserves to be served a piece of his own pie.
So I agree with you on the
So I agree with you on the trailer front. His kids, his weekend, his time, etc.
However, Friday morning is also his time. You can't tell him that he needs to keep his kids one day and then tell him to ditch them the other. It's his COed time, and it's selfish on your part to ask him to give it up to accommodate you. While I don't agree with much of the "you knew what you were getting into" mantra, this is one of those times where you, in fact, knew. You know he has visitation time, and you shouldn't ask him to give it up especially when you know he deals with a HCBM who would rake him over hot coals for it.
I think your DH is an arse 98% of the time, so I'm not absolving him by saying that, in this instance, I agree with him. It sucks that you have to plan trips around visitation, but again, that is a thing you knew, and have known, for quite some time.
I do agree the CO need to be
I do agree the CO need to be followed by then both the CP and NCP must follow the CO. DH has no problem giving up his weekend to BM so why can't he do the same for me. Of course it's because GU Grandma is coming that weekend but then I can say the same thing BM should've had her mother come on her visitation time not DH's.
He isn't giving up his time
He isn't giving up his time with his kids when GBM comes because BM demanded it. In theory, he is doing it because he thinks his kids should spend time with their GMA whether it's his weekend or not. He has a reasonable explanation to send them over and give up time: so his kids get to see extended family that don't live in town. Few judges would give him grief for that.
However, giving up time so he can go play with his wife? That doesn't look good. That will get him chewed out by a judge.
Again, I don't like your DH for a multitude of reasons, but the situations you are comparing are apples and oranges. Giving the kids back to BM to spend time with their GMA is to the benefit of his kids, and it is costing your DH valuable parenting time. I can see why he wouldn't want to give up more, or argue with BM, or whatever. Your trip will still happen, but your compromise is you leave later. I don't think that, in this specific situation, you have a right to ask him to stir a hornets nest just for a few extra hours.