Are you kidding???? Its great that the kids treat you so well, but your fiance' has absolutely no respect for you. He is keeping 2 women in one house with your permission. He was out until 5:00 a.m. with his ex-wife. Serious red flags.

If your relationship is going to work there needs to be boundaries and yes, mutual respect between you and your fiance'. The ex HAS to go. This will not get any better if your living arrangement continues the way it is and you allow him to treat you like the nanny instead of the woman he says he loves and pledges to marry.

You and he need to do some serious talking and fast.

Really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time!! HUGS!!
First of all honey if he won't stand up to her now then he never will and this needs to be a huge warning sign for you. He has no responsibility towards bm other than his children and if he respected you in any way he would not have allowed her to move in to the house. Granted you say the house is large enough but seriously this is to close for comfort! Secondly he completely disrespected you by going to a family event with bm and not you. You are his family she is the ex wife which also means ex family. The only thing you could try would be to talk to him but you say he tells you to stop going on about it (again another warning sign). He is putting her feelings over yours. I can't tell you to run for the hills and not marry him that is your choice but please look at the signs.

Wow... I wouldn't even know where to start if I wanted to give you advice.

What I can say is that there is no way in HELL that BM would be residing in the SAME HOME as me. No matter how BIG it is. I would have to be the "big bad stepmom" and put my foot down. And if DH didn't like it, he could share a house with her... without ME.

How big is gigantic?
My house is 4000 square feet, and not EVEN close enough to being big enough to share with BM.
Not even close.

If your BF makes "all the money," does that mean you don't work? Why not? Honey, it's time to get self sufficient.
You are the outsider here. There is mom, dad, dad's mom, and dad and mom's kids living in that house. Then there's you. YOU think the kids should sleep in their beds. YOU think they should go to bed at such-and-such time. YOU are the outsider, and YOU trying to dictate what happens with these kids will only blow up in your face.
Oh, and BF and BM live together, yet they stayed out partying together until 5 in the morning?

Repeat: Time to get self sufficient. Work. Get a tiny little apt of your own. Date this man if you choose (which I would NOT) and watch what unfolds. I'd fancy a serious bet that BF and BM are back together.

Is this a skit from Jersey Shore?

If not, then you need to get out of this abusive relationship and go find a man with no children to have a relationship with. Life is too short to be treated like you are nothing but a baby-sitting, pain in the ass. You need to value yourself more.

OMG I honestly don't know what to say other than GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!! He's obviously putting everyone else above you and your feelings and expecting you to sit idly by and accept everything.

And to live with BM AND the in-laws? I'd never be able to handle that shit.

I'm serious and not being mean - you deserve better than this guy. I'm glad you love the kids and they love you, but you're asking for trouble if you marry this guy.

Please, do as SAF says above, get a job, get your own place and watch this disaster unfold from a safe distance!

Honey...RUN. RUN for the hills as fast as you can. No man with any respect for the woman he loves would have put you in that position.

How old are you? You seem pretty young.

What scares me is you use words like 'allow'. And you are letting him walk all over you, and then leaving decisions up to you that either make you look like a bad person, or make you unhappy.

It's great that you like his kids, and that they like you, but this isn't a good situation for them either, especially being so little. Daddy and mommy in the same house with daddy's fiance? It's not fair to them, or to YOU.

You're trying to make everyone happy, and making yourself miserable.

I hope it all works out for you. ((((HUGS))))

I keep reading this over and over and none of it makes sense.

Read Stick a Fork's comment and use it as a plan of action.

If you don't already have one, get a job. Find an apartment, no matter how crappy it is, it will be better than where you're at right now. Move. ASAP.

You are in a very toxic situation that will drag you into the gutter. Your BF and his ex are obviously engaged in a relationship again. If he has had sex with you since she's moved in, get tested. Do not let him touch you sexually again.

I'm sorry you're going through this but you need to stand up for yourself now.

Wow, so many things wrong with your whole story. Why in the world would you even let BM live in the same house? Way too close and way too convenient for the fooling around that seems to obviously be going on. YOU need to get out, get your own place and make your own rules. If SO doesnt like it? Then you have your answer. Let him have BM and MIL and the kids. If he truly loves YOU and wants YOU, he will realize how wrong he has been. I feel sorry for the kids here, they must be very confused, having everyone living there and not knowing who does what and where they fit in.

Get out now...They are using you like a nanny! What a mess. This is one of those few times, I tell the OP to leave. This will only get worse. Also, why in the hell is the MIL living in the garage in her own home. Your DH didn't pay taxes on the house and lost it. HUGE RED FLAG!!!! Seriously find a better way of life, you are being used.

This is one of the most shocking posts I've read, but not surprising. It seems like there is a lot of confusion going on here. He is confused about being divorced, and you are confused about respect. The kids, are most certainly confused, and the victims of this bizarre situation. I did some dumb crap when dating my DH, and you really can't see it for what it is, until you are outside of the situation. I suggest getting outside of it for a while. If it's meant to be, you will be back together. Or you can continue to not see this situation for what it obviously is....and ten years from now, you will be miserable, hating each other, and always feeling like the fifth wheel in a relationship that is obviously going to have BM as the centerpiece. Trust me, I know. Without respect, there is no love. It sounds like he's not ready to make you Number 1. If he doesn't really see YOU as his wife, you WILL be miserable. RUN, RUN, RUN. :jawdrop:

RUN
Away
NOW

When he asked you if it would be ok for the BM to move in..."Hell No" should have been the answer. On another note, I agree with the others, nothing is wrong with being self sufficient. They're his kids....let him pay for child care. The one is old enough to be in school.
And sorry to break it to you, if he stayed out till 5am with the ex and the truck was cleaned top to bottom...RED FLAG. The fact she told him she still loved him would have been reason enough to kick her to the curb.
1. They aren't your kids to deal with. He should be grateful you care so much
2. You aren't married yet. Tell him to choose. He can't have both of you but at the moment he is having his cake and eating it too.
3. Get a job. You will feel better and have a life outside of the house.
4. If he won't get rid of his baggage (ex-wife) then you need to leave. Better now than later

HMMM... this is almost an exact post from several months ago. From a different user.

Yea...BM lived in the same house as all of them, and the SM have to baby sit a lot and the BM overstepped and hung out with DH some and went into their room. I even think they lived with the MIL, but not really sure on that part. I don't think it was in blog form, but in the forums.

You know, the OP nor her BF can make BM move. It isn't their house so they have no say in who lives there.

The OP posted "Well, a few days after that the exwife calls my fiance wanting to know if she can move into my MIL's part of the house. They left that decision up to me."

Why would the ILs and SO allow her to make such a decision when it wasn't even her house?

Get out and get yourself a job. This is probably the biggest "WTF post" I have ever read.

Toys R Us, Target, Walmart....are all hiring for the holidays. If you're a good employee, they will ask you to stay..

The stores may not pay much, but a little bit of money is better than no money.

I don't believe that for a second.
HR from WM didn't call you up after you filled out their online app and tell you, "thanks for applying, honey, but you're just too smart to work for us." If anything, they wouldn't have even responded.

Three degrees? Like ACTUAL degrees? SMH.

Which is it... btw... your BF won't "let" you get a job, or you can't find one? It sounds like you're all about excuses. Big girls pay their own bills. They don't allow themselves to get trapped by a boyfriend (not a husband) and held at his whim to do his bidding and babysitting...all while he parties with his "ex" until the wee hours of the morning. Oh, and he lives with her.

What has happened in your life to cause you to have so little self respect? You deserve better than this loser, homeless guy, and his "ex." (Who he is definitely messing around with.)

Day Care Centers
fast food
Retail
Schools ~ crossing guard, lunch lady, teacher assistant, bus drivers, bus matron...
Hospital ~ housekeeping
Hotel
Maid service
Golden Corral
Shoney's
Applebee's
The local mom & pop diner
Day labor

What kind of job do you think you are going to get with those "degrees?" Go work in the camera/photo department at Wal*Mart, where there is no way in HELL they told you that you were "too smart." Give me a break. You have decided all on your own that you are "too smart" or i.e. "too good" to work at Wal*Mart.

You want to sit on your ass and be a babysitter but it got all screwed up when BM moved in. At 24 you no doubt would rather not work for your money - unless someone decides to hand you a $100K/year job in which you do not have to do anything. Everyone your age has this damn attitude.

If you ask me, you deserve the situation you are trapped within. Because you are too lazy to get yourself out of it.