someone please help me keep my cool...
so most of you know my story-with the inlaws. SIL has been steadily robbing us since spring. We are talking cash, clothes, just random items such as a collection of lighters, a photo printer, our tent, some art supplies-you name it, it ended up at her house. Dh at some point finally realized it was her-tried to cut her out of his life around July. Well, then I guess that really pissed the witch off as at that point she took out two credit cards in dh's name and charged them up. We found out-dh filed a police report in order to clear his credit. He did go to my sil first and ask her just to pay it back but she refused-said she didnt do it, but then at the end of the conversation she offered to send him a 100.00 money order to cover the cost of the first credit card debt. Which of course she never sent. Dh went to his parents, both of them at different times-a total of 3 or 4 different times to let them know what was going on. They either got angry with HIM or just completely ignored him.
So now she was arrested a few weeks ago, bonded out. dont know when it's going to court. She has left us alone (it's a condition of her bond)as has EVERY other member of my dh's family. All of them. His parents, his sibling,his son, all of his aunts, uncles,cousins etc, his grandfather. All of them. She is on facebook posting on a daily basis about how she is a victim and is so thankful for all of her family's support (she will list them individually) and they all like her status and make supportive comments. We already know she is telling people that this is MY fault, some big conspiracy to simply get her in trouble, she has threatened dh that she will tell people he was making sexual advances on her, she has threatened him with making up a bunch of stuff and telling me, she has threatened him with telling my superiors that I share confidential information with everyone, and she has been telling everyone that dh is using drugs. Now the threats were all made prearrest, but I mention it here as I am sure that these are the sorts of things that she is telling people.
The most recent is that she involved her cousin whom she has not seen in 10 years. This is actually my ex stepdaughter. Yes, this sounds creepy-but my first dh had nothing to do with his family (gee, now I get why) so after he passed away I met my now dh who is actually my dh's nephew. I know it all sounds very white trash, but I didnt know my now dh during the time I was married to my first dh. If you are still following, this ex stepdaughter is of course a half sibling to my two kids who are 15 and 13. I know my 15year old especially feels quite rejected by this adult half sister whom actually defriended and blocked my daughter on facebook for my daughter asking, "hi, how are you?"-she did not block my son though which is how i know that now SHE is posting things on her facebook stating to please pray for her cousin (my sil) as she has false charges against her. Of course my kids know the charges arent false, but it's jsut one more rejection for them as well-noone on dh's side of the family speaks to any of my children either and even before all of this stuff happened they essentially ahd nothing to do with my kids.
I know absolutely know that the bulk of these people are BAD people. And I should be grateful that they are not involved with my kids or my dh, BUT some of these people were OK-at least to my dh-some of his aunts/uncles, cousins, his 85 year old grandfather. There are also people in our community that know my sil, and I am sure are aware of what has happened per her version. I soooo want to make some sort of public response on facebook and I guess i am asking you all to talk me out of it or perhaps into it. I dont normally air personal business on facebook, i think it is trashy, but this woman is hell bent and determined on ruining my dh's reputation and he is not even responding. The only people he defended himself to was his parents, who both shot him down and sided with sil.
I know the easy answer is to stay off these people's facebook pages, but I am just so appalled that everyone actually believes my crazy sil and are posting it out there for the world to see. So how does one handle this when someone else totally assaults your character? Especially when that person is the one in the wrong and you are the victim?
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Just when I thought your
Just when I thought your story couldn't get any weirder, you proved me wrong.
Still trying to wrap my head arond it...
As for FB, remember, it's JUST FB. Who cares if she's whining and drumming up sympathy in HER family on FB? Just ignore her. It's not really the "easy answer" since so many people seem unable to do it.
Ask yourself this: what is being ADDED to your life by checking this stuff? If it's not ADDING to your life, why are you doing it? Can you imagine how much sheer joy this family would get just knowing you're checking it and it bothers you?
You can CHOOSE to not check this stuff. The day I stopped checking SD's FB was a day I'll never regret. Life is sooo much more peaceful for me now! (I couldn't even tell you if she's still posting crap about me/her dad or not, and the beauty of it is that I don't care!)
When I discovered the block
When I discovered the block featuure on FB, my life became much less dramatic. All it did was upset ME, and then I vented to DH, who only heard, "Your kids are bad, blahblahblah."
Is she writing specific
Is she writing specific things about you both? does she post your names? I would imagine if she is, thatshe is in violation of the bond by continuing to harass you both. Does she have a probation officer? I would report it.
She is not posting names. I
She is not posting names. I will give her credit for that. But it is every single day-often multiple times a day-always about how SHE knows the true meaning of family, others will get what they deserve, please pray for her during this difficult time, blah, blah, blah. I do wish she'd post names as I would not hesitate to turn it into the victims advocate in our county.
My dh actually seems to be faring better than I thought. I try not to vent to him, because I think he may actually be doing better than i am and i dont want to rock the boat. He does not read the facebook stuff-every once in awhile I will read a particular one to him-including the one from my exstepdaughter last night. I am appalled for him though that these people he put his trust in for years, these people that he always managed to see the good side of have turned on him like this for actually doing the right thing.
I am beginning to worry a bit about court-we initially assumed that she'd do the smart thing and take a plea, as there really is sooo much evidence that points only at her, but if she takes it to trial that means my dh will likely have to testify-who knows perhaps I will as well and i can already bet that the whole fam will be there to support sil. I dont know if my dh could handle THAT.
I would do nothing but block
I would do nothing but block them all. Heres the thing sil cant help herself she will steal from someone. The truth will come out and when she steals from some one that is supporting her now and they will be pissed.
Yes-you are exactly right.
Yes-you are exactly right. I've been tempted to do the whole passive aggressive comments on my facebook, but yes, I'd regret them later because I truly am not the kind of person to talk to trash about anyone.
I also agree with what you said about their individual opinions not really meaning squat to me-it's just all of these things are so nonrepresentative to what myself and dh stand for and how we live our life. I dont do things to jeopardize my job-such as share confidential information, do drugs, let dh have drugs in the house. My dh does not drink at all. But that was one of her stories that they were together and stopped at the liqour store because dh wanted a "liquid cocaine". When dh told me that he looked at me and said, "I dont even know what that is". He has not drank anything in over 5 years-you would think perhaps his family might have noticed and when they heard that story say, "gee, that doesnt sound like him". They literally think I sat and plotted this whole thing-about how to get sil to open credit cards in dh's name and then go to the police and set her up. WTH? I would not even waste my time doing something of the sort. I may not like her, but again, as you can see I'm on here not even able to work myself up to posting a passive aggressive message on facebook, much less devise an elaborate plot to have someone put in jail.
And I guess that's what gets me about this whole entire family-noone has even bothered to investigate. No one. His aunts, uncles, cousins are all on my mil's side-they've always appeared somewhat sane, we are talking about nurses, paramedics, preschool teachers-much more functional than dh's immediate family. Yet, they are taking the word of my sil. Who does not work. who has a history of drug use. Who appears to be a drug user (maybe 80 pounds soaking wet). Who has pending charges in another county for bad checks. who has had previous bad check charges. Who stole from her own father (his marijuana and money). I know these people know about that stuff. My dh has had like one dui years ago (hence the reason he just stopped drinking completely), has served his country for almost 20 years, has always worked and maintained employment, has always helped out anyone in the family that needed it, but yet his own father called him "a piece of shit". Sigh. It's just hard to understand crazy.
I had something similar
I had something similar happen to me. Relatives behaved badly and then tried to twist it around and pin it on me. Long story short, I was pleasantly surprised. Turns out that everyone who they talked to knew them well enough to take their claims with a grain of salt. With the exception of a few people who are the same type of "low" people, who of course sympathized with them, but who cares?