You've got be freaking kidding me right???
So, DH's mother and grandmother came for a visit this weekend. The overall visit with them was great other then some BS with the kids.
Saturday SD(7) has a ribbon that she had gotten from a present that DH's mother had given her. She tied one end of the ribbon to her belt loop and apparently SS(5) got a hold of the other end. He was holding it around the front of his neck when SD decided it was time to take off running down the hallway. Well the ribbon that SS was holding was ripped out of his hand across his neck and he ended up with a what looks like a rope burn going across the front of his neck. (It looks really bad.) SD denied that this was done on purpose and she didn't know he was holding the ribbon on his neck. I don't really know how much I believe her. Accidents seem to happen a lot with her where somebody ends up hurt and crying usually her brother.
BM calls DH today to let him know that SS's teacher sent him down to the nurses office today and the nurse called her asking if she had any concerns in regards to what goes on over at our house. Now DH thinks that the school is going to file a complaint and CPS is going to show up so we need to make sure the house is super clean all of the time. (Freaking great right.) She also informed DH that she's being laid off so now she can't afford to pay for her half of SS's monthly tuition for all day kindergarten on her weeks.
So DH just relayed this gem of a phone call to me. I told him that he needs to keep count on the amount of money that he spends on paying her half of the kindergaten tuition and then I thought about it and asked him if that counts as work related child care because if it's not that means that she doesn't have to pay it back. He told me no. So I told him it may be better to put him in daycare because it's the same cost as the kidergarten so that way she would be obligated to pay for her portion, seeing as how she can't manage to hold down a job, ever. DH of course disagrees with this idea. He doesn't care if she doesn't pay him back. He feels that all day kindergarten is in the best interest of SS. Maybe this is true, but the last time she was unemployed it took her six months before she got a job and jobs aren't hard to come by around here. She just needs a job that has a really cool job title like general manager and event coordinator so she can feel good about herself.
So if I do my math correctly that's around $800.00 if it takes her that long to get a job again that apparently our family will have to eat. It's not the amount that upsets me, it's the fact that DH didn't even sit down and talk with me about it. He just made his mind up and then told me how it's going to be. Aren't you supposed to discuss financial stuff in marriages? I've been doing a lot of reading on second marriages today and it has been stated over and over and over again.
I'm so freaking tiered of all of this crap. Am I worng to expect that much from him?
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Comments
Yes, he should most
Yes, he should most definitely discuss the finances with you...you are his WIFE. Him not wanting to be paid back by BM is...well...not right. How would BM react if your DH owed her money? She'd probably be on phone every other second demanding payment. Why are the rules different?
As far as the ribbon escapade...I was (almost) happy to see that your SS is about as bright as mine...only I was stopped from being happy by reminding myself that MY SS is TEN!!! Maybe this little story will make you feel better - SO has decided that it's GOOD for SS10 & SD (almost 9) to walk my dogs on their own. My dogs are 12 & 10 and are very well behaved so I'm (finally) okay with sending the SKids out with my dogs without me. BUT the other day, SS10 was walking my 60lb male dog with an extending leash...normally this is no issue...but...what I saw made me bat crap crazy! SS had the leash extended with my dog about 10 feet away from him (again, normally, no big deal!) BUT here's the kicker...DUMB ASS SS10 had the handle end of the leash wrapped around his freaking neck! I said "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DO NOT PUT THAT AROUND YOUR NECK!" then asked SO "What would have happened if my dog forgot that he is 12 with arthritis & another dog ran within sight distance with a stick??? Your son would have DIED! That's what would have happened!" No, I'm not exaggerating...this is a 60lb border collie/shepherd mix who is FAST when he wants to be. Again...your ribbon story would have made me feel better until I remembered you're dealing with a FIVE year old while I've got a dense TEN year old.
Hopefully if CPS is called (which of course I hope they aren't, God forbid!), you can relay the story & that can be the end of it. My SS has put things ranging from buckled seat belts, dog leashes, anything longer than a foot around his neck...surely your Skid & my Skid aren't the only ones.
It just makes DH look bad
It just makes DH look bad with the CPS thing and the school being the one to report it.
The money thing is completely different. He might as well be writing BM a check every month to cover her child care costs out of our joint account while we also pay for our child care costs on our end. It's freaking rediculous. I've already expressed my disappointment with his unilteral decision towards our finances. We don't have a lot of money and the holidays are coming up and why in the hell do we need to support BM when she's an idiot and can't manage to keep a freaking job. Not our fault. Put SS back in daycare on our weeks or talk to the school and explain the situation to them and see if they will do a partial tuition since SS will be there every other week on DH's parenting time. I freaking feel like we will never function as a normal married couple because he had to get BM knocked up and that was his first marriage and I get to effing play second fiddle.
I'm so sorry! If you have
I'm so sorry! If you have joint finances, then he is way out of line! If YOUR money is going to substitute BM's then it's YOUR decision...
Have you asked him how you guys will afford the Holidays with the extra money going out?
I'm sorry but my FDH & I nearly broke up over the whole him expecting me to foot the MOMMY bill without any input from me on where MY money went.
It's NOT okay!
this would be a dealbreaker
this would be a dealbreaker for me. if i couldn't get him to understand, he would have to pound dirt. we don't have the money to give to bm other than what is specifically court ordered, and if we did, it would be over my dead body that one penny more would go to that horse faced piece of trash. we have long-term goals for OUR family. bm gets exactly what is needed from dh to help raise those kids, and if she can't keep her end of the deal up, oh well. he should have chosen a better woman to be the mother of his kids. this is the woman he chose, i say let the chips fall where they will because those kids will not have a better life because he happened to eventually marry up in life. what is "best for the kids" isn't what is necessarily what is best for OUR family, and if they were truly doing what was best for the kids, they would have grown the fu-- up, got their shit together and raised those kids TOGETHER in an unbroken marriage! i'm sorry, i get worked up when a man makes a vow to a woman in marriage, promising to put her above all others and the next thing you know, this same woman is expected to sacrifice her entire life to "doing what's best" for HIS kids. i wasn't put on this earth to make life easier for his kids and ex wife. if my dh doesn't stand beside his vows and promise to me, what the hell do i need him for???