She's back and I'm miserable :(
So, BM gave in and went back to the 50/50 but still said she plans on pursuing court. Whatever. I don't know why she would even drop the mini bitch off then. She got to our place at 6pm last night and just walked in like nothing had ever happened. Started chatting with dear daddy as if they hadn't just been estranged for the past few months. And he just kissed her ass the entire time!
After about 20 minutes of the 2 of them hanging in the kitchen playing "catch up" I got fed up and went to the bedroom. He came in after they'd eaten dinner and just couldn't understand why I was upset????? Ummm, let's see - she treats you like dogshit for months and as soon as you see her you kiss her ass?
She's gained a good 35lbs and ate two plates of spaghetti, 4 pieces of garlic bread and asked for dessert. Yep, nothing's changed.
He asked me if I wanted to be a part of their conversation (where he planned on asking her why she's been ignoring him, etc) and I said "Well, I'm your wife, she's in my home too, I think yeah, I need to confront her as well".
So we all sat down at the table. As soon as she started to speak, my blood began boiling. She lied and lied and when I called her out on it - guess what? The waterworks started. It was a 2 hr long sob fest. Finally they ended up hugging. And DH looked at her and said "You really owe Mel a lot - because if it weren't for her, I likely wouldn't be here"
WHAT????????????????? He'd never told me he was suicidal over this little monster ignoring him! And why put that kind of pressure on me? Oh, if *I* weren't around, he would've put a bullet in his head???? WTFEver
So, I've been on pins and needles all day yesterday, went to bed at 9 last night. He slept on the couch after coming in and asking me why I'm ignoring him. FUCK. So sorry, but I can't stand your kid and if you want her here every other week, this is how it's gonna play out.
We move to the 1 bedroom apartment in less than 2 wks. I'll be taking my cat, packing a bag and hotel, here I fucking come!
Am I being unreasonable? She had no answers for why she dissed him on her birthday, why she hasn't called in months, why she's ignored his every effort. And when asked why she was even there, said "because YOU are forcing me to be here". WHY do I have to share my space with this little cretin?
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IMO, your DH was out of line
IMO, your DH was out of line to drop the suicidal comment in conversation with his daughter. It's completely irresponsible to put that on her shoulders.
If he's having suicidal thoughts, he needs to discuss things with you & make some effort to get help. Perhaps it's just the way it's written here, but the way I read it sounds like he's wanting her to feel guilty for causing him to feel suicidal.
Did you address that with him?
No, I haven't addressed
No, I haven't addressed anything with him. I was too livid last night and then he ended up sleeping on the couch.
I plan to talk to him, but not sure how I'll be able to with her over all fucking week. I'm already dreading going home.
And you are 100% absolutely right. He never should've said anything like that and I know he was trying to make her feel guilty. This kid has been PAS'd so bad by BM, the words that were coming out of her mouth were BM's totally.
Makes me sick that I have to share my home with this little ungrateful snot. And once we move in a couple of weeks, we'll all be on top of each other and it's not going to be tolerable!
Id have happily paid the
Id have happily paid the child support to keep her at bms.
Wow He should have just
Wow
He should have just agreed to pay the extra CS.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I know
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I know EXACTLY how you feel with shit for brains showing up. So so frustrating. Keep your head up Redwingsfan, she will be gone again before you know it. Try not to kill DH with his ass kissing. I f'n HATE that with a passion. Mine does the same thing. Keep your self busy, make plans, go shopping, meet someone for dinner. Thats truly the only way you are gonna get through the week is by not being around. Everything she does is gonna make your blood boil.
Good Luck! (hugs)
I agree with you both. I
I agree with you both. I told him that. Just fucking give her what she wants. I can't stand this kid. And if he's truly that stuck up the kid's ass that he was so distraught over her ignoring him, do I really WANT to be with someone like that? The kid's not going anywhere, and if he's that far in, UGH.
Seriously thinking about moving on.
It probably won't last long,
It probably won't last long, her coming over. Especially once you move into that 1 bedroom apartment.
I also would be very pissed about the ass kissing and the suicide comment. By kissing her ass, he is just rewarding her for her behavior and she will use that to manipulate him, always.
When my SD stopped her visitation, she started it back up after about 7 months. It did not last long.
Thanks for the glimmer of
Thanks for the glimmer of hope. Every ounce in me wants to run, but I'm not the running type. And I know that's exactly what she wants. Instead, I'm going to go home and make her as miserable as possible. And yeah, DH will be miserable too, because guess what honey? When you play to your kid, you demote me. I don't take kindly to that...
Thats what I was thinking,
Thats what I was thinking, it's probley not going to last long. She will find some excuse (hopefully soon!) to stay at her moms and not come over
I agree with hereiam; once
I agree with hereiam; once she finds out she has to sleep on the couch without a private room... ewww! She won't like that! What a snot... and seriously, girl, you need to give your DH a severe shaking... with a hammer... to the head.
All I can do is hope that by
All I can do is hope that by the end of THIS week, before we move, she decides she doesn't like the fact that she's gotta follow rules, can't talk back, has to do chores, can't sit up all night texting on her phone, has no friends to hang with, etc - she chooses NOT to come back.
Then if BM wants to fight DH in court for full custody - I'm disengaging and he can deal with that mess. I so want out of all this tension and drama. This summer was total heaven without her and her bullshit!!!!!!!!
This whole week is going to suck ass for all of us. And I have hockey tickets to the new minor league team Friday night that I've been looking forward to since June. I don't even feel like sitting next to DH right now...
The thing is - he's super
The thing is - he's super sensitive and I watched him shed many tears over her treatment of him this summer. He takes anti-depressants (has for years before he met me) and every time he tries to wean himself off them, he ends up in a funk so goes back on them.
He's a very sensitive, caring and loving man - which I adore, but it's also a downfall of his since he gets so wrapped up. Is he serious about that? I don't know. But I'm determined to find out and also let him know that it was the dumbest and most insensitive thing he could've ever said to her!
I so agree. I'm still
I so agree. I'm still incensed over that! I so want to message him and lay into him, but I'd rather just do it face to face. It kills me knowing I have to be here at work all day when I'd rather just be completely laying into him over this.
I agree that it's a
I agree that it's a conversation that needs to be had face-to-face. And it needs to be a real heart-to-heart. He HAS to participate. He owes you an explanation for why he said it & why the first you'd heard of it was with his daughter present.
If he genuinely feels suicidal, he owes it to himself, to you, & to his daughter to get the help he needs so that you & his child aren't living your lives carrying the weight of his feelings on your shoulders.
Given what I've read in your posts, it doesn't sound like you've been unavailable to him. He needs to accept the responsibility of approaching you when he needs you.
I'm sorry he put that on you.
Exactly. And I've always
Exactly. And I've always been there for him. We have EXCELLENT communication skills and he tells me everything and anything, which is why I'm floored at his comment last night.
We had a perfect summer, other than him crying and pining over her from time to time. I've always told him he can come to me at any time for anything at all and he does.
I'm HURT that if he's serious about what he said last night, that he never once approached me. AND that he'd lay that kind of guilt onto his kid.
Thanks. I'm not a religious
Thanks. I'm not a religious person either. I knew he'd be happy to see her. Hell, he's been crying and pining over her for months.
But yeah, I'm pretty incensed over it all. I'm hurt that he couldn't come to me if that's truly how he was feeling and I feel betrayed that he'd allow this kid back into our home knowing how much of an uproar it causes.
She flat out said last night "I don't want to be here". God, how much more of a fucking clue do you need? Let her go!
What was he doing that was
What was he doing that was "kissing her ass?"
It sounded more like they were talking and catching up...which I think would be a step to healing??
My XH called each of our children (well, maybe not the youngest...I don't think she had a cell phone then), told them he loved them and "goodbye forever. I'm throwing myself in front of a train today." The day I told him I was DONE.
Tracked his sorry ass down at the traintracks. (Worst mistake of my life.)
What grown ass man lays that stupidity on his kids?!? :sick:
PS: I would have gladly paid more CS than have that drama in my house.
Oh she came in the door and
Oh she came in the door and said Hello to him (totally ignored me, which was fine) and he instantly "I'm soooooo happy to see you, I've missed you sooooo much, you're such a great girl, are you hungry? I'm making you your favorite meal and I even bought dessert!!! You've been gone soooo long, I just can't get over how you've grown (yeah, she's GAINED a spare tire around her gut) blah blah blah". He definitely was kissing ass.
Mind you, she was FORCED to come over. She hasn't once picked up the phone to call him and when asked point blank did she want to be there she replied No.
The suicidal comment came out of left field and I'm steaming mad over it. I haven't talked to him since last night because I honestly didn't even know how I'd approach it. Now, she's thinking she's even more queen of his world because golly gee, daddy wants me to love him so much he'd actually KILL himself over me! PUKE
Do you truly prefer to pay
Do you truly prefer to pay more CS than to have skid drama in your house? I sorta believe I would prefer CS over skid 24/7, BUT, I just think it would really burn me to start spending our retirement plans on supporting unemployed, lazy, narcissist, criminal BM...because I'm quite sure no money would go to skid. BM already proved this by comitting TWO felony thefts (over $35K) and cried to the detective once she was caught that, "I needed the money for my kids." Yeah right, her 2 illegitimate kids, who did not receive one dime from that stolen $35K! So how could we stomach sending monthly payments to this person plus have to hear from BM on a regular basis?? Plus, DH would feel guilty & worried about what BM is teaching SD. We never hear a word from her while SD is in our full time custody but if SD was with BM 24/7, we WILL hear every day how much she can't handle her!
I go back and forth wondering all the time which is the lesser of 2 evils. In your experience, would it really be better to pay the CS and get daily calls from BM? Or, keep the drama under our own roof? SD9 is killing our family. Sucks either way. BAD.
Yes I do prefer to have DH
Yes I do prefer to have DH pay more to keep that fucking kid out of our home. Our relationship/marriage is 99.9% PERFECT without her and I got a taste of what life is like with her gone and yes, I prefer that.
Plus, moving to the 1 bedroom apt next Saturday will save us $200 in rent alone. I'd SMILE handing that to BM just knowing I never had to have that little fucking bitch in my house again.
Convincing, RedWings...very
Convincing, RedWings...very convincing }:)
What do you mean? I'm so
What do you mean?
I'm so fucking fed up right now with DH, BM and that little wench that I'm seriously just wanting to get into my truck, point her north and GO!
BM is only forcing her
BM is only forcing her because DH refuses to go to mediation and give her full custody. Yes, it means more child support her way, but she's PASing this kid big time saying her dad doesn't want to have anything to do with her.
DH send BM an email stating either drop the court thing or go back to the 50/50 custody arrangement of every other week. She chose to go back to the 50/50 so DH wouldn't hold her in contempt of the original custody agreement because she refused to do anything else.
Now, I'm stuck with this little brat for an entire week and I am just beside myself. So much of me wants to just leave for the week but I know that would be exactly what she wants. Guess I'll just have to bite the bullet, cowgirl up and deal with her or let her ruin an otherwise perfect marriage.