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I'm BAAAAAACKKKKKKK!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 10:36am

Sorry I've been gone so long. I've been just working my ass off at the new job and dealing with life in general.

So last night might've been the happiest night I've had since DH and I got married! He decided a yr and a half was enough of stepdevil ignoring him, so he emailed BFC and told her he'd pick stepdevil up for his Tuesday night 5-7pm visitation (there's more than that but he wanted to start slowly).

He took her over to his dad's and they hung out downstairs for the sole reason that he didn't want any distractions. He asked her the hard questions. Why have you been ignoring me? What's the problem? Yada Yada. She dicked around and didn't answer him so he said, "well, I'll see you next Tuesday and we'll continue doing this until I get the answers I want".

Fast forward to last night. I had to work late so he was already home from his 5-7 visit. He sat her down and was recording her on his phone, so that he could go over what she said and not forget. Get this: She blames ME for ignoring her dad for 18 mos! LMAO She said he loves me and my daughter more than he loves her, she's sick of the "drama" (all of which SHE created) and she's DONE. So he asked her, "do you want me in your life at ALL?" She said "NO". There was a lot more to the conversation, like he asked her what exactly did I do to piss her off and she said, "I don't want to talk about it". He called her out on several lies and it infuriated her that he actually busted her. Then she said "Well, I don't lie anymore". He said "Wow, good to know that now that you're 15, you never lie"...sarcastically.

He asked her again, do you want me in your life or not. She said she already answered that question and she wants to go home. So, that is that. He's not going to text her every week like he's been doing for the past yr and a half. He's not going to call her. He's not going to reach out to her at all. He said she laughed at him when he dropped her off and while I figured he'd be broken and hurt, he was actually relieved. He talked with his dad and his dad said that he's really done all he can and he needs to wait until she grows up and gets out from under her mother's influence.

So, that means that the last year and a half (he's tried several times to talk to her, had gone to her school choir performances, meetings, etc) she was just building up to hurt him and was pissed that he seemed perfectly fine that she rejected him.

I'm thrilled that not only is he finally relieved and not angry/sad anymore, he's at peace. He figures he will let her come to him and not chase her around anymore and maybe when she graduates high school and gets out of momma's clutches, she'll regret how she treated him and come back.

Either way, knowing that she wants nothing to do with either of us is just fine and dandy for me!!!!

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 10:45am

Exactly my thought, since he really has no control over her other than forcing her to visit with him for 2 hours every Tuesday. I think if he continues to force her, she'll just clam up and not say anything. It'll push her farther away because he's making her do something she doesn't want to.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 11:07am

Hey there! I'm good, despite having some insomnia issues recently. How's everything going with you?

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 11:08am

Thanks! Now that stepdevil has decided she doesn't want jack shit to do with us, I'm not sure how often I'll be posting, but I'll check in from time to time Smile

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 11:22am

well hey there darlin'!!

so glad to hear how well u're doing!

sorry stepdevil's being like that, but i'm glad your DH is at peace Smile

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 11:40am

Hey Tuff! Missed you! He really is at peace now, knowing he's done all he can and if he pushes her harder, she'll only make them both miserable. Yes, he put her back in control, but he really has NO control over her anyways. He's just tired of beating his head against an unmoving brick wall.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 11:23am

Welcome back, was wondering about you!

oh, she'll come around... when she wants something I'm sure. Expensive things like cars, insurance, college are on the horizon, I'm sure she'll have use for daddy dearest then.

Exactly what my SD15 did... she didn't speak to DH last year for 8 months... and than Bam.. she wanted something and needed DH to get it, so here we go again Sad

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 11:46am

Hey Daizy!!!!

He's already said to her that if she doesn't want him in her life, not to expect any support at all other than the child support he already pays her mother. So next August when she turns 16 and wants a car, he will NOT chip in. The kid honestly isn't smart enough to get into college, but again, that'll all be on her mother. She wanted stepdevil full-time, so other than the child support, she gets ZERO from DH. NOTHING, NADA, ZIP.

He will send her a birthday card on her birthday, but no gift. He doesn't plan to attend any more school functions since the last few she totally ignored him and/or pointed him out to her friends and laughed at him. So he's done putting all the effort into someone that clearly doesn't care or want him around.

I'd tell your SD15 to pound pavement!! Oh, it's fine for you to ignore us for almost a year and NOW you want something from me so here you are? NO WAY!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 12:17pm

I know right, Sunny? Hell, my parents wouldn't have allowed me to do such things, AND I had more respect in my pinky finger than stepdevil has in her entire body. She absolutely does not respect her father, never has. He takes a lot of blame for that since he and the ex raised the kid on a pedestal and gave her everything she ever wanted. All she had to do was ask. If they said no (which was rare like the time she wanted a pony), she'd go into massive fits and as she got older, she just would ignore them for days on end.

Since neither he nor his ex wanted to ever hurt poor widdle stepdevil's feelings and God forbid, not please her, they pretty much trained her that she was the queen bee of the house and SHE made the rules. She literally told her parents what to do and they'd DO it.

So yeah, he has a lot to do with how nasty she's been since age 12, when he met me, but a lot of it is jealousy on her part. She didn't want to share her special daddy/daughter time with ANYONE else, and when she met my daughter (who is only 6 mos older than she is but far prettier, smarter and more mature), it ramped her jealousy up even further. She literally busted into tears when DH hugged my daughter!

Anyhow, there's a ton more in my blogs if you ever care to entertain yourself (or get bored) someday. That kid has done nothing but rain down fresh Hell and I'm over that bullshit. Apparently, so is my DH!

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 12:16pm

That's great news for you, Red! I'm sorry it took so long for your DH to see the light. Unfortunately, sometimes they never grow up judging by my DH's daughters. But they don't live in my house, they rarely come over and I don't have to deal with them except for family functions. Which, btw, I'm doing my damndest to get out of going to the in-laws for T'giving. Wink

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 12:20pm

Hey JMC! I agree, it took him a long time of basically begging for her attention and love. It sickened me to see that he was texting, calling and still going to her school functions and she'd ignore him or point him out to her friends and laugh. I mean, who fucking does that to their own father? Now I could see her pulling that shit if DH was abusive, mean, not fun to be around, etc. But he's been nothing short of a Saint with her. When she said she didn't want him in her life, I'm surprised he didn't break down into tears at that moment. She's shattered him over and over again and could care less.

I hope you get out of the Turkey day in-law madness. Feign ill, take some syrup of ipecac or stick your fingers down your throat so you're throwing up and just say, "Sorry, must've been something I ate, I can't go since I won't be able to eat or really talk much"..

GOOD LUCK!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 1:38pm

Hey Justanotherday! Fellow Detroiter Smile

Sorry you're going through that too. It's common amongst teen girls from what I've been told. She keeps using the excuse that her daddy loves me and my daughter more than her. HA, whatthefuckever. When asked why she doesn't want anything to do with her, she responded "there's millions of reasons" but couldn't come up with JUST one. Excuses and lies, that's all she has in her repertoire.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 11/29/2013 - 12:08pm

Hey Beaccountable! Nice to "see" you again.

What did I miss while I was gone????? Crews? WOW, but doesn't surprise me at all.

I'm glad you totally understand our situation (seems like we're both living the same life eh?) because some say that he should've never given her the power to walk away, he should've kept forcing her to visit, etc. You can only force so much and when she flat out said she no longer wanted him in her life, well that's the biggest slap in the face ever. How could he, in good conscience, keep forcing her to see him after that?

Anyhow, I'm thankful because he finally seems at peace, you know? All this time (for more than a yr and a half) he's been upset, angry, confused, upset, guilty, etc and now he says "it is what it is, her choice, not mine". He's just done you know?

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 11/21/2013 - 11:10am

That's around the time our SD became completely PASed. It took about 3-4 years before she came back around.

Living the dream's picture

Submitted by Living the dream on Fri, 11/22/2013 - 10:01am

I'm very happy for you, but also incredibly envious.

My DH is still chasing his princesses and the little prince, all of whom literally never (NEVER) get in touch with him until they want something they can't get from anyone else.

And then he springs into action so quickly he leaves skid marks on the entryway floor on his way out to serve them.

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Fri, 11/29/2013 - 12:33pm

I think this is the first time I ever heard of a teenage girl creating her own "Daddy issues".

Oh and welcome back! Glad to see you back....Well....I am and I am not. I like to think that people who leave this site do so because they don't need it anymore (i.e. No more step issues)

Hanna's picture

Submitted by Hanna on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 4:12pm

Hi RWF, glad things are good with you.
DH and I are still dealing with this crap, we just switched lawyers to a more aggressive one that we hope give us better results. 1yr sinc we've seen SD. I still don't get why BMs brainwash their children, what can they gain from it? other than more CS, they are screwing their kids and they don't care... is it out of spite that DH moved on? I really don't get it, but glad you are doing well.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Sun, 12/15/2013 - 9:30am

Hanna, no, not out of spite. He's just tired of chasing this kid around begging for her attention and love. It's been 18 months of this game. He texts her, she ignores him or shoots back a one word answer (on occasion). He calls her, she doesn't pick up. He goes to her school functions, she acts as if he's invisible, walks right past him without making eye contact or if her friends are around, she points at him and laughs.

After last Christmas, when I was home visiting my family in Detroit, he was supposed to have her Christmas Eve. She totally blew him off. He seriously went into a really deep depression and I was worried for his mental health at that point. Most recently, he was having difficulty sleeping, saying when his head hit the pillow he became instantly angry and just wanted a TRUE explanation from her as to why she was treating him so badly.

That's the time he decided to start enforcing Tuesday night visitations again. Of course, when this girl is forced to do ANYTHING (put away dishes, take out the trash, clean her room), she turns into a total monster. So, after the last conversation they had where she said she didn't want him in her life anymore, he finally said he felt at peace, knowing that there was just nothing more he could do. He decided that at that moment, he was going to walk away and quit chasing her. She's 15 and has done this shit for more than a yr and a half. He's just done.