Need advice...am I the crazy one?
DH informed me over the weekend that BM of SD 8 and SS 6 had apparently been reminiscing with the children and watching old home movies from when they were still married (it's been 3 years since their divorce). BM said this made SD very upset, she cried and said she "just wanted her family back."
DH and I had no idea what to do. We agreed that we thought it was inappropriate for BM to watch those videos with the children, showing them a life that doesn't exist anymore...but I am torn.
He took SD 8 out on a walk yesterday afternoon to talk. He reiterated that she shouldn't be sad about seeing the videos because there was a lot of unhappiness and fighting that she didn't know about when her parents were married, and that she has a lot to be happy and thankful for now because she has 2 families that love her. She agreed and said she got upset mostly because mommy was crying while they were watching, and that she just missed being young again (she was around 5 in the video).
I understand it's important for the children to not block out memories of what their life used to be, but at the same time I can't help but feel like BM showed the videos to the kids to intentionally upset them (she recently found that I am pregnant with our first child and is not taking it well at all). DH and I agreed that this seems like her attempt at keeping the skids from being happy about the new baby/our family in general.
My question is...are DH and I crazy? Is it healthy for BM to be watching home videos of them being a family together with her children and CRYING while doing so? Or am I correct in feeling like this could be a form of emotional abuse?
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Comments
1. No, it's not acceptable
1. No, it's not acceptable to be watching the videos and crying and getting your kids upset (don't necessarily have a problem with watching the video in itself though)
2. BM is probably in a weird place right now with you becoming pregnant. She shouldn't have taken it out on the kids obviously, but I would give her a pass this one time if she's generally a sane and rational person.
I wish I could say this is
I wish I could say this is the first time she's behaved this way, but normally her immaturity is just directed at DH or myself. I've gotten used to dealing with that, but bringing the children into it is where I am starting to become concerned. I also found out from SD yesterday that she expressed to my skids that I will never be their mother and they shouldn't get too close to me, because as soon as the baby is born I will stop loving them all together. :O
BM is a nutter! Regardless of
BM is a nutter! Regardless of how BM feels about you being pregnant (& congrats by the way to you and DH), she should not be showing her upset in front of the kids. Firstly they are not there to be her emotional support, they are little kids who don't know how to deal with adult emotions. Yes if BM wants to watch the videos on her own and wail her head off that is her perogative but NOT in front of the children.If BM is upset then she should call a friend and cry,scream shout whatever to get it out of her system.She is selfishly putting her children in an impossible situation of having to deal with the anxiety and guilt of accepting and being ok with having 2 families, she clearly wants them to play up and not want to accept the family you and DH now have with the skids.Secondly she sounds like she has realised that by you and DH having a child together she is about to be usurped from her crown of being the goose that laid the golden eggs!
Thank you, those were my
Thank you, those were my thoughts exactly! Regardless of how upset she is about my pregnancy, she needs to deal with those emotions privately (or like you said, with friends/family/ANY ADULT) instead of using an 8 year old as her emotional crutch. SD and I have always had a strong bond, and I feel as though BM is blatantly trying to come in between us and stifle her happiness about the new baby.
I think this sounds like
I think this sounds like emotional abuse. BM here does the same kinds of things and so does her mother. I know the situation you are in with the new baby also. When our new baby was born BM went around telling everyone in our VERY small town that the baby wasn't his and a lot of other things. After she was born BM made it a point to keep telling the kids that BD was their half-sister because she had a different mommy. BM has a son that has my DH last name eventhough he is not DHs because she had him after the divorce and "didn't want the kids to feel like he was a half" or for "him to feel left out because he didn't have the same last name as the other kids". Hmmmm....how are you going to explain why the other kids go to their dads but he never goes with them??? "Sorry,____ daddy wants to see the other kids but not you." Yeah that would make him feel a lot better. She also made it a point to tell the kids well your father didn't do such and such while I was pregnant with you or when you were a baby. A lot of which was lies and what few things were true were because he worked 50+ hours a week while she stayed at home and he still had to come home make his own dinner and dinner for the kids, wash his and the kids laundry and clean the house because she wouldn't do it. I may sound old fashioned but in my opinion if a mother chooses to stay at home and be with the kids most (not all) of that stuff should be up to her to do.
Thank goodness her tactics didn't work
some of it is fine in
some of it is fine in moderation...however the kid is never gonna change wanting their parents together...and for the crying thats normal as well...the exwife needs to get over your husband...and i feel for you because i had my husband put the videos on a disk...i don.t want to see them or have any part of the videos or pictures...it wasn't my life nor my decision and i am not going to share in the emotion of it all...the ex did that and knew what she was doing...thats what they do t was their life..and they have every right unfortunately...i would have no part of it good luck to you!
Our Bm had their wedding
Our Bm had their wedding album on her coffee table, and had pictures of DH displayed in their home on her family wall.
They had moved into a new home. And these were all.items that were not in the old home. They had been divorced 8 yrs!
She claimed they were there because of the kids. I think it was weird. I gave my dd the wedding album from my marriage to ex. She also gets my ring. She was always allowed to display pics of her and her dad in her room. Sd wanted to and I said no. She lived with her mom! She was with us 80 nights a year at most. Spare me the sad routine. Dd saw her dad twice a year
I have sat down with albums and photos and talked about my marriage to her dad. I've never cried about it and have always told her what a wonderful.dad she has.
It's sad the games they play