Finally Lost It
It's been over 3 weeks since SD9 came back from her FIRST visit with BM in 3 yrs. Over the summer, this kid changed completely...as in, I'm afraid of her. She hasn't spoken a word to me other than a forced "hi" a couple of times. Yesterday, she left a big note on our couch that says "Mother Foucker Mother." She has been sneaking, hiding, talking back to DH...on and on.
Today is DH's birthday. All week, I've been telling SD that Sat is her dad's birthday. Every time, she would just stare at me as if I was invisible. I even bought a present for her to give to her dad and a card, which she wouldn't sign. She wouldn't even talk to me so we could discuss what to do for DH's birthday.
So fuck me if we didn't get up this morning and DH said he'd rather just open the things I got for him alone while SD was in the other room watching tv. I can tell he's hurt and disturbed just like I am. Personally, I feel that's unacceptable to be separate in your own house, but it's the only way we can survive this. When DH & I walked into the other room, SD was standing there with a pouty upset scowl like she has every single day. So I said (very loudly) to DH, "Wow, I can't believe it's your birthday today!" My 2 yr old even ran up to him and said, "Happy Birthday!" SD just glared at me & walked away, literally pretending she didn't hear me at all!
A few minutes later, BD2 fell off a chair and bashed her head. SD9 just stood there staring at her and proceeded to scold her for falling. That's when I fucking lost it. I couldn't hold back my feelings anymore. I've been walking on fkng eggshells for over 3 weeks now. So I told SD how she has been so mean to us since she came back from summer. I told her you cannot expect to have people embrace you as part of a family if all you ever do it reject them and treat them mean.
I'm tired of hearing people say this kid's behavior is "normal" since she is confused and feeling bad that her own mom doesn't see her, but when she does see her, she treats her like a 3 year old baby and doesn't make her brush her teeth, feeds her ice cream, etc. I'm tired of people saying it's MY fault for not trying harder and for not being more "motherly" to her. Having her full-time is never going to be all about ice cream, toys, and fun. We have to enforce homework, hygiene, and responsibility. And that is NOT going well at ALL!! DH told me I'm not helping by yelling at her......
Well, guess what, people?! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO! I would have yelled at my own biokid for treating their dad like shit every day! And I am tired of a 9 yr old who isn't even mine, ruining my chance of a normal family environment. But I'm mostly tired of watching this 9 yr old sociopath treat my husband AND my 2 yr old so terribly. That's when I really draw the line.
- Frustr8d1's blog
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Comments
You need to get this child
You need to get this child into counseling with someone who has experience with blended familes/stepfamilies/child abandonment/PAS. The kid has OBVIOUSLY either been PAS'd out of her mind or SEVERELY traumatized or both. I have been following your blogs and I feel for this little girl and for you. Please, Please get this child into counseling. Also, call her pediatrician and make an appointment. Tell the pediatrician exactly what has happened, just as you have told us. Contact her school counselor, inform the counselor of what has happened, your concerns and that you want sd to have appointments with them, as well as the outside therapist. If it is at all possible, do NOT allow any more visitation with BM and for GODSSAKES do not let the child spend an entire summer with the woman after not having seen her in three years. This kid is in pain. Get her help.
THIS. I agree wholeheartedly.
THIS. I agree wholeheartedly. For everybody's sake.
I can empathize, though my sd
I can empathize, though my sd turned into it before our very eyes. The lack of compassion, caring, r even human decency. My sd actually told my dh I needed to sleep in the kennel wig the dog (??). I hadn't even had many words with her in weeks. Dh of course was upset, but I don't think either of us has any fight left. If sd wants to be a hoochie beword, with o friends because she is so mean and family can't even stand her, fine. Dh's mother kisses sd's butt, if we don't act the same, she tries to make us pay with her attitude. The counselor (one of two, then school counselor, nd psychiatrist) days its abandonment issues and she pushes people away before they have a chance to hurt her. I call bs, she s treated very well here, when she isn't being ugly to everyone. Hang in there. Try counseling, but protect your heart. I honestly loved my sd for a very long time, guess I still do on some level. When she told me and dh at the dinner table, after I asked her how her shool day was, that she wanted to put a fork in my eye, I have built a very thick wall.
Oh, you poor soul. I feel
Oh, you poor soul. I feel for you, and I wonder if we don't share the same BM & SD. This isn't your fault, or a lack of trying on your part. You're entitled to have feelings, and they are valid. And I know how FRUSTRATING it is to have people trying to tell you, these disturbed skids are normal, when they clearly are the furthest thing from it. *sigh*