So my inlaws who have been stealing from us, not speaking to us just asked to "borrow" 1500.00 to...
bail my sil out of jail. For check deception. Amazing. This same sil stood in my yard like 5 days ago and told me I needed my ass beat but was too scared to come out there and get it. I cant believe the audacity of these people. My bil is the one who called for the "donation". He is in charge of collecting (he is not contributing but is the good guy because he is collecting). The total collections so far? 200.00-100 from fil and mil, and 100 I guess from sil's man. They figured we'd come up with the remaining amount (1500.00). My dh offered 200.00. They never even called him back because apparently that was a bunch of bullshit to offer twice as much as anyone else contributed when he should have just paid the whole amount.
This same sil told me two weeks ago that I was a bitch, a dumbass, said rude things about my children, and repeatedly threatened me and then told me that in the end all evil bitches get what they deserve. I am guessing she was right about that one. 
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Can we contribute to keep her
Can we contribute to keep her in there? That is where my money would be going.
The cheek! Or stupidity...
I'll add twenty bucks to
I'll add twenty bucks to that: if we bribe the jail staff with enough donuts maybe they will keep her.
Now however comes the hard question:
Krispy Kreame
or
Duncan?
Karma
Karma
So my question HMO: When is
So my question HMO: When is your DH going to give up on his loser family members?
Why would he even offer up money knowing that these are the people who have stole from y'all, broke into your home, rifled through your belongings and more?
In my opinion, your DH is still making bad decisions, or he wouldn't have even said he would put $200 in for bail of a woman who has acted in this manner towards his family and home.
If I were in your shoes, I would ban these people from my property, why was she at your house cussing you? What prompted that? Why do YOU continue to put up with the craziness? These people are not healthy to be around, DROP THEM ALL,the inlaws have too much influence on your life.
Well-he offered up the 200.00
Well-he offered up the 200.00 to show himself to be the "better person". Needless to say, her mil ended up bailing her out so our 200.00 was never taken. I think dh also did it in an effort "to show up" fil-since he only offered 100.00 to get his own daughter out despite everyone knowing he could have come up with more.
She was here on my property to return our belongings. I absolutely agree-I've already told her she is banned from my property-but she "misunderstands" that and thinks that means from going inside my house-my yard is ok in her opinion. Dh has allowed her to drop our belongings off in the driveway and then typically tells her she has to go. This last incident in which she yelled at me was her dropping some things off-he had already told her to go repeatedly-I had politely asked her to go-she turned to walk off and kept turning around to yell random things at me. I did call the police (at this time I knew she had a warrant out for her arrest)-so I ended up letting it go saying I'd file a protective order, but I do wonder if my call somehow triggered them looking her up and going out to get her as she was arrested just a few days later.
It is amazing the amount of belongings of ours that she comes up with. The last time she came over-we got our tent back (missing for at least a year), a photo printer that I havent seen in years. These items she states that she got from bil. However, I dont think he is turning anything over to her so these are essentially just things of ours that she has at our house.
I agree that jail was an excellent place for her. I am guessing she will receive some sort of probation out of the deal. I've already reiterated to dh that I do not want her even driving by my house and throwing my belongings out the window. He can meet her someplace, if necessary, to collect the belongings. I've told him that it surely wouldnt be good to get harassment charges while on probation.
See HMO, this comment is what
See HMO, this comment is what bothers me:
"Well-he offered up the 200.00 to show himself to be the "better person". Needless to say, her mil ended up bailing her out so our 200.00 was never taken. I think dh also did it in an effort "to show up" fil-since he only offered 100.00 to get his own daughter out despite everyone knowing he could have come up with more."
It bothers me for many reasons.
1. He feels the need to continue to PROVE to his crazy ass family his worth to them.
2. He feels the need to have interaction with them, WHY IN THE HELL DOES HE EVEN WANT TO AT THIS POINT?
3. He refuses to protect your family from the harrassment from inlaws, and yes trying to extort money out of him constitutes harrasment when it is ongoing requests like ones in the recent past.
4. BiG, why oh why, does he even care about "showing up" FIL, why does he even care at all about any of them considering the big picture on THEY treat him???
This is why you need to get DH to continue counseling for himself...the people he is in contact with, family or no family ARE NUTS. He needs to cut them out and concentrate on getting himself healthy im mind, body, and spirit. It doesn't look as if the continued stress from them is going to end, cut them out of ya'lls life. Really, why care about people who are toxic.
I am glad SIL is not allowed over, NOW keep everyone else away.
He felt that refusing to
He felt that refusing to offer anything put him on their level. He expressed concern over her 4 children. As far as contact with them-he is not initiating any contact with them at this point. He has not spoken to his brother (other than bil calling requesting this money) for several months, he has not spoken to his father in a month. He has continued to speak to his sister some but she intiates all contact with him. I agree that he should not even speak to her or any of them, but he needs to fully come to that decision himself. His sister has consistently been asking for a loan for at least 3-4 months. He has not given her any money. He has cared about these people his whole 39 years of life-I think he is having a lot of difficulty accepting and letting go that they are just a bunch of dysfunctional losers. Now, I've known it for years and they arent my family so its no surprise to me-but he had deluded himself his whole life into thinking they were good people-so over the last 6 months or so realizing that they are not has shaken his whole foundation. He said he continued contact with his sister since she was at least making an effort to speak to him. He was trying to hold out for some positive relationship with his family of origin. And evidently the bar is so incredibly low that for her to at least attempt to speak to him and be nice occassionally made him willing to have contact with her.
Now dont get me wrong-he at times talks about how much he despises everyone of them. I think he is really just grieving for the idea of a close family of origin and goes back and forth between anger and sadness. Unfortunately when he is feeling sad is when he is vulnerable to his sister's manipulations and the biatch just wont leave him alone. It doesnt seem to matter how many times he's told her to eff off, or I've told her-she'll still call to tell him she found more of his things and wants to bring them over.
I understand they are his
I understand they are his family and he has HOPES that he can have some sort of relationship with them, BUT, and it is A HUGE BUT, these are toxic people who do not offer him a postive relationship and to keep trying with them is just INSANE.
At this point, his give a damn should be busted whereas they are all concerned. He should not care whther he is on "their level" or not. Your DH's concern for SIL kids is not warranted as she doesn't care for her own kids if she is able to pull a stunt like that, nor does any of the rest of the clan.
With people like that, distance is the only answer...or their drama will drag you down.
You know, I don't care for Dr. Phil, but he does have some realistic down to earth sayings. One is, "You can call me a son of biatch, but you are going to be doing it from far away". Meaning, I will keep my distance from people who are assholes to me.
You really need your DH to work on boundaries with his family...where he doesn't give a rats ass whether he is on their level or not. Where he doesn't give a rats ass about rescueing them from their self-made drama, whether his son is there or not.
Can I come to your state and shake your DH by the shoulders and dislodge his head from his nether regions????
Most of the drama and trauma in ya'lls life together stems from his inability to be logical and cope with the situations without guilt. EDITED TO SAY, this also used to be my DH's problem- not being able to deal with situations without guilt and in logical ways. Thank gawd he has changed that, we wouldn't be together if he hadn't!!!
EDITED AGAIN to say...I think I would be pushing DH to the getting a clue about all the above...I would be setting up a "couples" session with the VA counselor and explain the whole situation with DH's family dynamics and his need to please them at the cost to your and his family life. You have to help him get a grip on this...where he deals with these issues that he has and CAN COME TO HIS OWN DECISION TO STAY OUT OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS. Maybe he needs a swift push, by you AND counselor.