my SS is evil!
I am absolutely at my wits end, my SS 10, is pure evil and I have nowhere to turn or no one to believe me! My husband and I have been married for 2 years now and I am the only mother my SS has ever known. He was abandoned by his BM at birth and my husband has raised him on his own. I have tried to step in and be a mother to him but he is making almost impossiable to even like him. Since the very beginning he has treated me terriably, he is rude, disrepectful, and plain mean to me. In the last few months he has threatened both me and my children but that's only when we are alone, he flips it off like a switch when anyone else is around. When he goes to grandmas house or spends time with anyone outside of the family they all say he is an absolute angel and just so polite then I go pick him up and he's awful to me. His crappy attitude continues until his dad gets home and then he acts like an angel again. I have gone so far as secretly recording him during the day and having video proof of his bad behavior and mistreating of me and when I show the tape to my husband and he then confronts his son about it there is an excuse like, she was yelling at me daddy or I was just sticking up for myself so then I get painted out to be the bad guy! I have absolutely no one that believes me about all of this, even school counselers! I am not sure what I have done wrong, I have always treated him like my own child. I get sick my stomach thinking about how the rest of my life will be. I am being abused by a 10 year old in my own home and I am expected to hug him and love on him and smile everyday. I feel beat down and have nowhere to turn.... help!!
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If your DH has raised this
If your DH has raised this child on his own since birth, I'm sure the kid very much wants to get rid of you and your kids.
How possible is it for you to not be alone with this child?
Unfortunately its
Unfortunately its impossiable, I am a stay at home and am his primary caregiver. I try to ignor him as much as possiable but then he makes me out to be such a horriable person to anybody that will listen to him I feel like I need to defend myself. I have never been so angry or resentful towards anyone and he's a child so that makes me feel super guilty. He is going to ruin my marriage and I don't know how to stop all of this. I'm about to pack my bags and leave, maybe then I can be happy.
I would almost say that kid
I would almost say that kid just never had a mother, that you are a woman who shares the same residence but are not his mother. It wouldn't be something you could really share with others, like teachers, because they probably either think you are his mom or if they know the situation, expect you to function as his mom. But maybe it would help you, in your mind, to relax from the expectation that you can start being a mother to a kid who has never known a mother and honestly, probably feels he doesn't want or need one.
I think, because this kid is so good at the angel/demon switch, that you should take a page from his book and flip your own switch. When no one else is around, if he's being a little terror, feel free to make him spend all his time alone in his room. Feel free to handle him in whatever ways, not abusive of course, you need in order to have peace and feel secure.
If your husband understands the kid is terrorizing you when no one else is around, do you think you could persuade your DH to do something like send the kid to daycamp? Better to spend the money on that than to lose the marriage.
If this were my situation I
If this were my situation I would just tell DH, I'm sorry I can't take care of your son any more. He is just THAT rude/disrepectful/mean/unpleasant.
Therefore we will have to enroll your son in day care. I may be willing to assist with dropping him off/picking him up from day care, if he can be polite to me in the car.
Is it okay for me to not like
Is it okay for me to not like him??
Most certainly! It's more
Most certainly! It's more than ok! I don't like my stepdaughter one bit. Sure I care for her wellbeing, but that's it. Other than that I could care less!
Oh hunny, you sound just like
Oh hunny, you sound just like me! My SD7 is entirely evil (seriously, read my blogs, evil is putting it lightly). That is how SD7 started. She would make what would seem like small empty threats in the beginning. Only when everyone was out of earshot and directed toward me or my fur/feather kids (I don't have bio-children just animal babies
) I struggled with her for the last 3 years and finally toward the end of year 4, we got her into a therapist. It hasn't changed a darn thing, she is still evil and recently killed one of my pets. Our previous therapist refuses to see her and has dropped her entirely. She is now seeing a new therapist who believes she might be a sociopath.
Sweetie, get this kid into therapy ASAP. Continue to videotape, voice record, do whatever you have to do to catch evidence and KEEP IT. Never allow yourself or your children alone with him. If you have to send him to daycare or something (sounds like he clams up and becomes sugar sweet around everyone but you so I am assuming he wouldnt hurt strangers) so you do not have to be alone with him.
It took SD finally doing things to SF, BM, her baby brother, BM's mom and neighborhood kids for DH to see how demented his child is. Until he can see his kid for what he truly is, a terror, keep yourself and your babies safe. Do whatever it takes but do not coerce him.
Omg your story just breaks my
Omg your story just breaks my heart! I hope to never be in that kind of a situation but to speak honestly I am truly afraid of him at times. I feel as if I am the wicked stepmother because I would like to be able to just lock him in his room and have a happy day with my kids. I am a good person that doesn't desverve any of this, I haven't mistreated him in anyway.
Take him to a therapist and
Take him to a therapist and get him evaluated oppositional defiant disorder or an attachment disorder. My SS is a little jackass when his daddy isn't around and no one beliwved me until he started his crap around my mom and she was able to tell FDH in a nice way. FDH blames it on PAS from FDH's parents but I think its more than that. His BM is a flake and ditched him a lot. Abandoned wouldn't be too strong in his case.
What concerns me is how
What concerns me is how calculated and manipulative he can be to everyone. I too was fooled by him for the longest time and actually felt sorry for him but when I look at him I see complete and utter hatred. Pure evil is putting it mildly and the really sad thing that this is the kid that I never get a break from. My kids go with their father atleast 3 nights a week and they have a great relationship but my SS is one kid that we are stuck with 24/7... UGH!
I just blogged something
I just blogged something extremely similar about my stepdaughter13, she made threats to hit me, attempted to inure herself requiring me to restrain her and carry her back snide, relentlessly torments my senior car (nothing cruel yet, but the cat is arthritic and she will mess with her until she has her in fits), I vould go on and on. It s just at me though. Anyone else around and her behavior is totally different. It's pure manipulation! I'm so sorry you are going through this, but I am also so relieved I'm not the only one!
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Hmmm. He was the ONLY child
Hmmm. He was the ONLY child and now he is the YOUNGEST child. HE gets a mother he has no use for, siblings he doesn't want. Basically, he wants his father back to himself because this worked before and should work as long as he wants it to work.
See, why did your DH marry you? BEcause he wants to spend his old age with you or he wanted a mother for his son?
But then why put up with this child being a shit? I agree with the others. Tell your DH that you cannot be a mother to a child that doesn't want one. So in future he will have to find a daycare for his son and the 2 of you will have to work out some boundaries and expectations of him as he moves into his teens.
You don't have to like him. I am sure there are parents out there who don't like their own kids. Let him stay with the in-laws. If your DH cannot see things your way and will not accept his son is evil then consider leaving your marriage. Just tell DH you will be moving out and allowing his son all the family he needs.... his Dad. You will stay married for 6 months but after that time he will have to give you some proof he wants you as his wife and not you as a mother for his son.
What is with these men who want a mother for their motherless sons? Either they are too early in their grief to replace their mother or they have never known what having a mother is all about.
I am not a mother stand-in for my ssons. I am their father's wife. The question is... who are you?
It is so comforting to know
It is so comforting to know that I am not the only one that is going thru this type of thing. I have been feeling so guilty about my dislike for this boy and for some reason I thought that I HAD to love him but I am quickly realizing that I don't have to. I am entitled to my own feelings. My DH is very torn with all of this and as much as I love him I definately don't deserve to be abused by a snot nosed little brat. I have found my voice and trust me I letting him hear it. I have never nor will I ever be abusive to a child but I am stepping out of the mother role from this point forward. Respect is earned and he has not earned mine at all. I will care for his well being but that is the absolute bottom line, I want to be happy again and it is time for me to take my life back and let him go torture someone else!!