In need of some advice
What does it mean when your husband/ BF says "I dont want to cut people adrift" , when referring to his (separated) wife. we were discussing divorce, and about putting his old family home on the market. I dont mean to worry, but I am.....
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That's a problem if he is
That's a problem if he is just separated, he is not emotionally divorced. Heck, even being divorced sometimes doesn't mean they are emotionally divorced.
About 7 months. Does it mean
About 7 months. Does it mean hes still 'emotionally connected' to her?
It's possible that they may
It's possible that they may work out their problems and get back together.
He's not ready for a new relationship.
Just read your bio and other
Just read your bio and other blog. You've been with this man for 2 years but he's only been separated for 7 months.
Get out while you can. This isn't goint to turn out well for you.
RH is driving me insane.
RH is driving me insane. She's so damn cocky. I want to reach into the TV and slap her for Elizabeth. If I hear her say "read the book" one more time, I'm going to scream.
"I'm not a mistress, I'm a
"I'm not a mistress, I'm a mom"
Ugh. That woman is beyond disgusting.
I have worried about being
I have worried about being called a home wrecker and what they will think of me, but our relationship is under wraps at the moment- as in only a small number of trusting friends know about it. I know it doesn't make things any more right or acceptable, but it's the way we are avoiding being seen as 'bad people' at the moment
BM knows about the two of
BM knows about the two of you.
There's no way to avoid being viewed as bad people.
You are helping to rip a family apart. His kids are just a few years younger than you so of course they know what is going on. BM has a very good reason for hating you.
If a man cheats with you, he will cheat on you.
I agree with Disney. You're
I agree with Disney. You're inserting yourself in a marriage that clearly is NOT over...wrecking a home. It isn't just what people view you as. It's what you're choosing to do. You know what they say...if it looks like a duck & walks like a duck...
This isn't going to end well. The best thing for everyone would be to cut this man adrift. Leave him to tend to the family he has, be it in working things out with his wife or following through with his divorce. Continuing a relationship with him guarantees a future of criticism & anger from his kids & his wife.
If you don't want the baggage, don't date men who carry it. If in the future you don't mind kids, I wouldn't say don't get involved with men who have children. But I will say, don't get involved with married men.
Good question Mazzy. Are we
Good question Mazzy. Are we getting "crewed" again?
I would worry, too. It
I would worry, too. It doesn't sound like he is ready or willing to move on at the moment. You probably should (move on, that is).
It means he is staying with
It means he is staying with his wife and wants to keep you on the side.
It means he's having his cake
It means he's having his cake & eating it too. He's got the wife/mother to fulfill the "Family Man" role & the young piece of tail to keep himself feeling spry.
Why would he cut himself loose of either of them if he doesn't have to?
THIS He doesn't have to worry
THIS
He doesn't have to worry about either one getting pregnant so he's good to go.
OP, you are involved with a
OP, you are involved with a man who wants it all. In your first post you said "Being the moral man he was...." Excuse me? "Moral men' who intend leaving their 'horrible' marriage do not have sex with their wives.
"Moral men" do not have girlfriends while they are still living wiht their wives.
You can spout on all you want about how 'moral' he is but I wonder how 'moral' you will think he is when he goes back to his wife?
He still at the very least LIKES her. Sure he loves you but he still LIKES her enough not to lose contact with her.
Find yourself a nice 20something with no children. Stop setting yourself up as the ONLY woman this man will love and happily ever after and one day he will wake up and decide his sons don't need him and they can live with their mother..... A good moral man would not abandon his children for his girlfriend. A good moral man would not have a teen on hold while he leaves his wife.
You have the world coming down on you on this site and with good reason. We have been there, we know what is going on. Trust us. You will end up hurt and emotionally battered and probably with a couple of kids of his as well. What makes you think you have been the only one?
I'm not like the majority of
I'm not like the majority of people. I don't think badly of other women because THEY are not the ones home wrecking--it is their husbands who took the vows, the husband who has the family. I blame these things 100% on the husband.
That being said, I do think it's dumb to be the other woman and then expect the guy to leave and believe everything he tells you when he probably told that same stuff to his wife.
And when he's saying he's conflicted? Whooh boy. You're kidding yourself if you think this is going to end well.
By the following definition,
By the following definition, she is a homewrecker.
Noun homewrecker (plural homewreckers)
(slang, pejorative) A person (male or female) who engages in romantic relations with a person who is married or engaged to be married with the result of breaking up the engagement or marriage.
That said, I think it's fair to say that a woman who chooses to insert herself between a man & his wife is pretty well setting herself up to be the receiver of ill & hate & disgust from any kids involved & the dude's wife for a lifetime.
OP, you stated that you don't want to be looked at as "bad people", but what part of sneaking around, lying, hiding, & deceiving should be looked at favorably??? What part of ANY of that is deserving of any kind of respect? You'll never get it from his kids.
You are a homewrecker. The
You are a homewrecker. The wife and kids have every reason in the world to hate you.
And, I can promise you, he still loves the wife (despite what you wrote in your first blog post) and is USING you to get laid. He won't set her adrift. He won't sell the house, he will end up with her again. Why wouldn't he? His kids are there. Why would we want to "start over" with a teenager (you)?
Oh, and anything that he told you about their relationship is bullshit. He made it up to get in your pants. Run and get away. You are too young to get involved in this. You have already made enough mistakes. Start fresh somewhere else.
Dog Person is right and I may
Dog Person is right and I may have been too harsh when I called you a homewrecker.
You are young and naive and believed what he told you. Hell, he might have believed what he told you. You are young. Go be free.