Blah...
Just feeling blah today. I am trying to not dwell on the fact that SD is coming next weekend and that DH is all absorbed into planning all sorts of fun stuff for the two of them to do. All of which costs $$ we don't have.
And him asking me, "Are you going to go with us?"
Uggg.
I suggested that he start looking for volunteer opportunities to do with her. That way, they get to spend time together; she actually gets to experience GIVING to others (rather than being selfish, self-absorbed, and entitled); and it's free.
I read other people's posts on here about their teenage SD's and I really do not look forward to it. At all.
OMG.
What did I get myself into?
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why do so many of these dads
why do so many of these dads think their kids visiting means they have to plan mini vacations for every day that they're there? i can see wanting to take your kid to the zoo or an amusement park ONE day out of the summer, but this whole party planning bit they do is disgusting. sd19 always thought it was supposed to be a big celebration when she came over. always wanting to know what we were gonna do and where we were gonna go. bm never worked, fdh and i had full time jobs, so she thought we were just loaded. (hardly). she never got over the expectation that her visits were something to throw a big gala over even though it never happened.
Bi, exactly. These kids want
Bi, exactly.
These kids want for nothing. I've talked about this in another post somewhere, but I'll say it again:
I was a single mom for a lot of years. My son had to "do without" a lot of the stuff he wanted to do. Something such as going to a fair was a big deal -- because they are expensive and I didn't always have the money.
DH is always taking the kids bowling, to the water park, to a fair, to the zoo, to a sporting event, signed up for soccer or gymnastics, "paint party", ceramics... to this, to that.
I'm like, "HELLO! That shit costs $$ we don't have! STOP!"
Honestly, I think it's easier for him to entertain them, than it is for him to parent them. I bet he feels that if he can keep them busy, he won't have to worry about actually having real conversations with them. Us real parents know that it's in the "down time" with a kid that one really gets to know them. You know?
Mostly it irritates me because when my son is with us, he and I find free stuff to do or we just hang out together. I feel a little frustrated that my son and I are always making sacrifices so that the skids can have whatever they want. DH pays $1k per month in CS -- we, as a family, have to make a TON of sacrifices in THIS HOUSE because of that. He's always trying to take them shopping for shit that, frankly, BM should be buying with the CS. They are always signed up for activities. DH is always planning "mini vacations" for them every time they come here. I honestly feel that these kids ARE being taught that money doesn't matter and that they are entitled to whatever it is that they want.
Meanwhile, I taught my son the value of a dollar and he's had to do without.
I'll give DH *some* credit. He isn't as bad as he used to be, but he sure the fuck has a long way to go.
He's planning taking SD to the city fair this coming weekend. Um, ok. And how much money do you need for that? DH, "$30 - $40..."
Me, "Um. More like $20 is all that we can *spare* and that's pushing it."
Is there room in the budget for me to take MY son? Nope.
Fuck it. Maybe I should take my kid anyway. And when we don't have gas money -- my DH can be the one to hoof it to work.
Fuck.
with fdh, it was a
with fdh, it was a competition with bm. he had to prove to sd that he was the "better" parent. in reality, neither one of them parented her. bm was just emotionally absent and uninvolved, and fdh wanted to be her friend. thank God he outgrew that crap after many a heated "discussion" with me when she lived here.
when she first moved in, fdh had just lost his job and i was the only one working. we were struggling. we went grocery shopping. it was october. sd decided she needed winter boots. fdh whispers to me, asking if i will buy them. they were almost $30. that's a lot when you're trying to support 5 people on one income. i said "does she really need them right now? there isn't even any snow on the ground!" he was upset and said "fine. i guess not." he pouted and sulked until i said fine, tell her to go get them. i wish i hadn't done that. she goes and gets them, she's all happy and thanks daddy for them. does he even mention me? NO. he just grins ear to ear and soaks it all up, saying all happily "you're welcome!" meanwhile, i was seething, and i think that was the first time i really knew what seeing red actually meant. we are cutting into grocery money to get that spoiled brat boots she doesn't even f'g need! i turned around and spit out "why are YOU taking all the credit? I'M the one paying for them!" i was HOT.
that kid has always acted like i'm just an afterthought in fdh's life and in our home, and he encourages it by never, ever making her aware of what I do. he's all too happy to give her what she wants when she wants it to prove that he's better than bm. raising a decent kid wasn't important, being the best liked parent was. makes me sick.
she eventually moved back in with bm when bm came back to town because she didn't like that i wouldn't let her walk all over me. then she got mad at bm and wanted to come back with daddy 2 weeks later, just as i predicted (i said it would be 2 weeks and she'd be mad at bm and want to come back, and it happened!). fdh told her sd he would take her to the FOC and get custody changed again. :jawdrop: i told him i really didn't think the court would appreciate custody being changed every couple of weeks based on who sd was mad at. i told him if he started that up, he would be getting his own ass in trouble. he called sd back and told her she wanted to go live with bm because she didn't like our (my) rules, so she can lay in the bed she made. }:) suddenly he saw the light and was pissed off about everything we had done for her for a year and how she could just turn her back and run back to the mom who moved away on her because she didn't think she should have to show a modicum of respect for us.
LRP75- what was DH's
LRP75- what was DH's response to volunteering?
DH's response,
DH's response, "Yeah..."
Mind, I am a social worker. I am ALL about volunteering. My kid and I have always volunteered doing one thing or another.
My kid and I have:
- packaged food for the needy,
- gathered food for the needy,
- planted/tended a garden to benefit the needy,
- install smoke detectors into the homes of the needy,
- helped disabled children enjoy boat rides,
- organized and ran a donation drive to benefit homeless teens, and
- organized and ran a donation for backpacks filled with school supplies for homeless children
(sigh)
LRP-- i just personally wanna
LRP-- i just personally wanna thank you for all the stuff you do to help people!! Your giving yOur child the best thing in the world, by teaching them to help others!!
I think that volunteering is
I think that volunteering is fun. It's better than sitting around staring at the TV all day.