BM would do anything to not spend time with *HER* kids
SO and BM have 5-5-2-2 schedule. off course that never worked out the way it's suppossed to because BM would find an excuse at least twice a month to not keep the ssons her whole 5 days. Last week, it was BM's turn to have the kids 5 days in a row(fri eve through weds ), off course she asked SO if he can have the kids friday through monday. Because of that we had to cancel our plans.
Since we had the kids 5 days the previous weekend, SO told BM yes we can keep the ssons friday through monday but she would have to pick them up at 9AM on sunday and bring them back around 5 to give us a few hours to run errands. She agreed. Lo and behold Saturday at 10PM she left a voicemail and text saying she can't pick the boys at 9Am on sunday as agreed on but would keep them weds (tonight, SO's night to have them) in return. Fast forward to last night when SO texted her to confirm that she'll be picking up the ssons at daycare today. She replied that today was the beginning of SO's 5 days to have the kids and besides she has to work late. SO's reply to her? "Ok, whatever".
It makes me so mad that BM is getting child support for 50% of time with the boys when in reality she can pretty much do whatever she wants. During her CO custodial time, she often picks them up late or bring them back early. And if SO dare to bring it up to her attention, she would play the guilt game or try to blame me for it. She has even accused him of making me more important than his kids when he once refused to keep the kids on her days.
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Log, with pictures, all of
Log, with pictures, all of the days that the kids are with you. Then go back to court and show it.
Maybe you'll get CS reduced or even taken away. Which, although lawyer fees might be expensive now, it'll even out when you don't have to pay her jack shit.
^ concur ^
^ concur ^
SO is keeping a detailed log
SO is keeping a detailed log of the time we have the children when it's BM's turn. SO is also partly to blame because he always accommodates her, he would literally jump at the chance to spend more time with the boys and BM knows that and uses it to her advantage.
When BM found out about me,
When BM found out about me, she demanded that I not be around the kids and yet, she won't pick them up when it's her turn. This whole thing totally sucks. Our lives would be so much better and easier if she just up and leave
It is all a control issue. It
It is all a control issue. It makes Bms feel good to control Ex Husbands. All in the good of the kids. It is called manipulation.
I had the same problem with
I had the same problem with my own Exhb.For some reason he believed that I was his babysitter and he could do last minute cancellations for his care days because he pays some CSA.I have my children 75% of the time .I always imagines that the parent with less care days feels also less responsible for the care, but in your case it is even 50% and she still does that.
My Exhb , who is on a really great wage btw, used to use CSA to pressure me- saying things like"I am paying you, not vice versa" and believed that would allow him to decide when to look after them and not on his days.It was so humiliating since I am also working (in self employment) and not making his kind of money and after the separation relied a bit on the CSA payments for our survival.His money was certainly NOT for me!!He started skipping payments then and I decided finally to ask CSA for collection.That sorted him out, especially since they found out he paid far less than he was supposed to.
My advice to you is to let her know clearly that you can't babysit the children on her care days anymore and that she will need to find a babysitter if she needs someone .Her working committments are not your problem.If she wants to have 50% and get the correct amount of CSA she needs to be responsible for those days.
Exception- she plans something important on her care days and offers you a fair swop for it in advance.If you agree, fine , if not , then she needs to use a babysitter instead.
She is using you and taking you for granted to help out, SO needs to stop doing that.
What may help is to offer her to take the children more often, but let her know that you will go via court and she will get less CSA.The way I assume things will be is, that she will rather give in and look after the children on her days than giving up some payments.But if not, at least you save some money .
I'm glad you had your exh
I'm glad you had your exh straighten out. I really hope we can do something similar with my ssons BM. When she fails to pick up the kids or do her part, she would tell SO that she carried them and gave birth to them now it's his turn to take care of them. She often called me "just a babysitter" and in court last year, BM said that SO is "a glorified babysitter". She's so disrespectul and rude. I totally think that SO has to step up and be more firm, take her back to court sooner rather than later.
That is so rude!!!!!!!Yes, I
That is so rude!!!!!!!Yes, I think your SO would need to put his feet down.