My SD used to act this way when I met her. She was 7 at the time. It all boiled down to the attention she was getting from her dad (my DH) while she was doing it. There was some pretty stiff competition for attention between she and her brother (they are twins) for dad's attention. SD always won out by throwing a HUGE tantrum -- which dad would cater to. It was as though time stood still for the entire household while she flung herself on the floor, flailed around and screamed at the top on her lungs.

I was mortified the first time I saw her do it. MY son never, ever, ever acted that way.

I kept telling my DH that if he stopped feeding into it, her tantrums would stop. That it was all about the attention he was giving her when she was doing it and that she wasn't hurt at all.

Naturally, I didn't know WTF I was talking about. Right? *eye roll*

In family therapy, the counselor (bless her heart) helped DH see how his responses to his daughters tantrums only fueled them. HE was looking at her and thinking, "Oh my poor baby!" and would swoop in to try to comfort her. He honestly did NOT understand that he really just needed to walk away. That "comforting" her while she was acting that way wasn't "helping" her at all -- rather, he was HURTING her.

Children need to learn "emotional regulation." They absolutely HAVE to learn how to handle their own emotions.

We have all seen those adults out there who were never taught how to have control over themselves. Not a pretty sight at all.

So the therapist helped us devise a plan. The plan was:

1. DH was to say to his daughter, "I do not like the way you are behaving right now. Please stop."
2. If she doesn't stop, he was to WALK AWAY.
3. Since I was impervious to her antics (wouldn't feed into them -- I just stared at her with a blank expression on my face. NO REACTION AT ALL), I would stay near her just to make sure she was safe.
4. When she was done acting up, I would text DH to let him know that it was ok to return.
5. He would return and try to talk with his daughter about her behavior and better ways to control herself. If she started acting up again, we started over at step 1.

Giiiiiirl, that shit worked!

Real quick first example:

We took the skids to see a local football game. I was sitting next to DH on the bleachers. The skids were fighting over who was going to sit next to him on the other side. (I would have moved if either had bothered to ask me, but they didn't, so I didn't.) Well, one thing lead to another and within about 2 minutes SD starts throwing a Grade "A" tantrum right there on the bleachers. The tantrum included screaming at the top of her lungs, stomping her feet (on the metal bleachers), flailing herself around, big ol' crocodile tears, swearing at her brother, taking swings at him, etc.

DH, true to our plan, calmly asked her to stop.

Of course, she refused. In her fit of defiance, she sits down on the bleachers, still screaming and crying and stomping her feet, puts her head in her lap with her arms over her head.

DH took one look at me, I nodded for him to leave, and he walked away.

SD carried on for about 30 more seconds. Then, get this, I watched her PEEK out of the corner of her eye to see if her dad was watching her.

When she realized that he wasn't standing there playing audience to her show -- she IMMEDIATELY stopped crying -- popped her head up frantically looking around for him.

I simply said, "He didn't like the way you were behaving so he walked away."

She just sighed, slumped over a little, and sat there in silence.

Girl, the crying and tantrum stopped IMMEDIATELY when she realized she had no audience! IT WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS!

I texted DH when it was ok for him to come back. But the moment SD saw him, she started up again. So he walked away again.

It took several months (because he doesn't have them all the time) to break her of the habit, but she does NOT act that way anymore. Thank you Jesus. Amen.

My SD was much older than your SS, but you could totally adapt that plan to be more age appropriate. A Time Out should work just fine. Ever watch the show Super Nanny? If not, please do. She demonstrates very, very well how to properly do a Time Out for a kid who refuses to stay in a Time Out.

Prepare for one of the greatest battles of your life.

You can do this!!!!!!!!!

WE SUPPORT YOU!!!!

Dude, if this family can do it, so can you! Also, this is how my SD used to act too. And we managed to get her under control.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMSW2RgdDks&feature=related