i would not stay with fdh if he did this. i tested him a few years ago. sd had just moved in with us, and wasnt' liking having rules, something that she never had at our house before (another story). so of course, she blamed me and i was making her miserable, i stole her dad, i changed him, he chose me over her, bla bla bla. all because she wasn't allowed to run the house or me.

i told fdh that if i needed to leave for her to be happy, i would. had he said i should go, i would have never came back. he didn't. he was instantly livid with sd because she was being so awful that i was ready and willing to leave over it. that is what started his eyes opening. for the first time ever, he laid down the law with her. the test for me was that he would either tell me to leave and i would get out of this situation or he would not like the sound of that and do something about it. turns out that little bitch does NOT come before me. he passed and got to keep his family. i would have had no problem taking our son and leaving if he hadn't reigned her in. actually, he didn't reign her in. once she realized that he wasn't going to punish the big bad wolf for growling at his princess, she got pissed off and moved back in with her mom. }:)

Well, his kids don't come first. But no, I wouldn't marry into a situation like that. I don't even put my bios first. Needs of everyone are meant of course, but my marriage is top priority. If it's something like a want, usually grownup wants win out.

I seem to remember DH tryign to make this sort of statement when we FIRST got together...almost 16 years ago. But SD was only 3 and we were not married...so it didn't really matter.

He could barely get any time with her then anyways.

Once I really got into the relationship and learned all the details of the messed up way this kid came to be...that became less of an issues.

I was basically allowed to take over everything and that was NEVER an issue...her being first. We just became a family.

If that had been the case...I would have kicked DH to the curb.

No relationship works where the children come before the wife.

If this is your situation and you don't have any kids with him...I would reconsider and find someone that cares for you and will put you first.

Short answer, no. Long answer, hell no.

If your FDH isn't willing to commit to you as first in his life before marriage, then he never will after marriage. And I'm not talking just about the kids. Kids may be the reason(or excuse) now, but there will be other people or things later where you will pushed aside.

The question you should ask yourself is this: "Am I worthy or worthless?" Hopefully you can answer that you are a worthy person who deserves better than this. If you are ever put less than first in a relationship, that should always be a "deal-breaker".

Thank your FDH that he at least was honest to you now so that you have an option to stay or go. If he really loves you and you confront him with this, then he will change. But, I wouldn't hold out hope that he will change. Count your blessings and move on with your life. You deserve better than this.

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't even DATE a guy who had kids, much less MARRY one, putting them first or not.

If you read my prior blogs... My ex put his kids first and allowed them to be the cause of the end of our relationship . I will never ever date a guy again who does not put me first and who has kids .

I didn't do it the first time. Just ended a relationship because of knowing a 29 yo stepdaughter would always be above me.

When I was looking for a partner after my divorce "a good father" was one of my criteria. I figured a loving man would be a good choice. And at my age (40s) 90% of men had children. However, to me, a good father is one with his life in balance. That's what I got. My DH's two are troubled for sure but he has not let that run his life. He did his time in hell being married to non-parent, lazy BM and carrying the full load. I was also looking for a good relationship, one where I felt adored and pursued. I got that too. Don't settle for less!

Your SO is a jerk. Let him worship his kids and the 3 of them can live together for ever. Yuck.