Today was another day in a string of horrible mornings with SS14. I love waking up to DH but after he is off to work I dread when SS will wake up with his bad attitude toward the world, and towards his sister and I. He is the most emotionally volatile person I've ever met, and quite frankly, it scared me! Even the tiniest things set him off like a volcano, only for him to act like nothing ever happened just a couple hours later.

Today it was his shoes. He made me buy him Converse high tops but he is so lazy he will not loosen the laces to put his foot in the shoe. After struggling for 15 minutes with one foot, I explain to him what he has to do in order to make it easier. This boy has Aspergers and is also defiant, so I wasn't surprised when five minutes later he starts punching the shoe and throws it across the room screaming because it won't go on his foot (but he did not loosen the laces). I go over pick up the shoe and gently put my arm around his should to show him how loosening the laces is done and he shoved me away and starts screaming,:Don't touch me! You are scaring me! Leave me alone!" and runs up to his room. I go to his room after him and tell him that his screaming and throwing shoes was scaring me and if he would just watch me, he could learn to put his shoe on with no trouble. When he stopped thrashing at me, I show him how to do it and slid his foot in and he starts yelling at me, "Why do you always treat me like a baby! You made me late for school! Why do you always ruin my mornings!"

I can't handle this. I know I shouldn't care, but this child is special needs and has no mother, but he also scary aggressive and volatile. Honestly I do not want to live with him anymore. If it was just DH, SD and I...I would be happy to live the life of a stepmom with just her. Although we have our days, I don't think it is anything out f the ordinary for a mother/daughter relation and mostly she is sweet and a genuinely nice person to be around who calls me mom. This boy, on the other hand is my daily nightmare. What happened with the shoe is just one of a thousand instances of him getting angry, going ballistic over stupid little things and just outright mean words and behavior toward his sister and myself. I honestly with I could send him to boarding school just so we could have some sense of a peaceful family life. Is that too mean of me to desire? I just cannot live with him anymore...