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Been weary to post ab this...afraid I might jinx it if I throw it out there.

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 8:55am

This is off topic but from what I've seen the women on this site are so incredibly strong and I'm worried right now I might need some of that strength.

I am 25. I have no bio children. DH is 33, will be 34 next month. We have always discussed having a child as soon as I finish school (done). I am on depo. I never thought the time would even come when this would be an issue, but alas, I've finished school and here we are.

DH noticed a few months ago a growth on his scrotum. Nothing like gross, puss, ooze, or green, but like a small mass. He went to the doctor who referred him for an ultrasound. We couldn't see anything and ab a month later we noticed another one, went in for another non conclusive ultrasound and was referred to a urologist. We had the appt this week to meet with him. He said from what he saw on the ultrasound we have two options. One we can do a biopsy and see what's really going on, two we leave it alone and see what happens. The obvious choice would normally be do the biopsy just in case. Except...the urologist said that bc of where it is in order to biopsy it would be to cut his vas deferens and making it impossible to have children. So for now we've chosen to just see what happens. I'd rather maybe have the option than guarantee we dont.

Obstacle number 2 (and 3). I'm on depo. I have been for a long time. Never have any problems except a slight weight gain and I haven't had a period in well...forever essentially. I've read and read and read about women who take years and years to get pregnant after being on this stuff. I also had a miscarriage at 19. At 17 weeks which was traumatizing and I still cry when I think about it.

I have always said I wanted children. I should've been more specific and said I wanted to HAVE my own children. I cry at the thought of never being able to experience that kind of love, that kind of bond, and just the whole pregnancy thing. It's something so special and amazing and I just can't think about the what it's right now. What if I can't have a baby?? What if I spend my entire life instead raising my skids that will grow up to hate me? Every year on mothers day I get a little down about it. When I was pregnant, I got a coach diaper bag and a new ridiculously expensive camera from my boyfriend at the times mom. I miscarried 2 weeks later. I gave the camera back to her but she "let" me keep the diaper bag. It's sitting upstairs in my closet. Still brand new. Still has tags. It's full of travel size everything you need for a baby including newborn diapers and baby wipes, a nose sucker, a couple of newborn toys.

Ugh. Stupid mothers day. Skids brought home crap they made all week for BM. What ab me?? I am a stepMOM. I am the one that MOTHERS you...I can't fault a child for loving their mother. It just makes me sad.

Comments

thefunmommy's picture

Submitted by thefunmommy on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 9:08am

I have a friend who was on Depo from the time she was 15. She had her daughter at 24. She said it took around 11 months for her to get pregnant with her daughter. They also have OTC ovulation tests now, which may help you gauge when your cycle starts back up. From what my friend said, she had MAYBE 1-2 periods between stopping depo and getting pregnant, but she may have been ovulating before that. You could also talk to your OB/GYN if you're worried.

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 9:17am

I have. And there are drugs you can take if you're having trouble ovulating once you stop depo but that's the least of my worries in all of this. DHs issues are scarier to me. I got my depo in April just bc it's easier to tell myself IM making the decision right now rather than consent to trying and possibly be hugely dissapointed. I hate not being in control of things and this is just the worst. The first thing the urologist asked DH was how old are you? Do you have children? Do you plan on having more? Which leads me to believe he thinks it might not be good. He said he would hold off on a biopsy if we wanted so long as it wasn't getting bigger or painful. So far, so "good".

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 9:19am

That's fantastic!! I never even thought of that!! Although idk how I feel about the whole turkey baster thing, hey ya gotta do whatcha gotta do.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 9:24am

Have his sperm frozen and stored somewhere for now. You want to make the best decisions for his health. Also keep in mind if he is ok with it, you can use donated sperm to have your own.

witsend71's picture

Submitted by witsend71 on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 9:41am

When a vasectomy is done, they take extreme measures to make sure it doesn't reattach and you can still have it reversed. Why can't they do this in your case? Best of luck...we're all pulling for you.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 10:14am

Definitely bank sperm.

Look at Lance Armstrong - testicular cancer, and still had kids post-treatment.

It'll be an added cost, but it will keep the possibility of kids open. HIS kids.

My DH got a vasectomy at my urging four years ago. I was pretty adamant about not having kids, but I kinda wish I had waited. And then I think about my life, where I am, where I'm going, and the regret subsides. I suspect I'm going to have these "what if"s all my life, but that's okay. I made my decision.

You guys need to do what's right for YOU - the possibility of kids for you, while taking care of his health.

Plus - you need to get off the Depo. There are serious bone density issues with long-term Depo use.

cant win for losin's picture

Submitted by cant win for losin on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 11:39am

I would help dh get some samples of his boys and freeze them up for later use!!!! Smile

trickster's picture

Submitted by trickster on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 12:27pm

My DH just finished treatment for testicular cancer. What your husbands doctor said doesn't make much sense. Mostly because they don't normally just do a biopsy, they remove the testicle and then do a biopsy. The ultrasound should have told them something. I think you definitely need a second opinion. Something doesn't add up. Definitely bank his sperm immediately. Seriously do it now. We didn't do it so now I don't know if we'll be able to have another child. Take the steps to protect the future you want. You can PM me if you have more questions. I'm pretty well informed about this stuff now.

forestfairy's picture

Submitted by forestfairy on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 12:57pm

I would definitely get a second opinion on the biopsy. Seems like they could do a simple biopsy without ruining his chances for children.

If worst comes to worst, I was thinking about banking his sperm also. It will be more work to get pregnant down the road (IVF), but you gotta do what you gotta do. Then you guys don't have to feel rushed or freaked out.

Hope the growths are nothing and you guys have no problems getting pregnant when you're both ready!

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 3:25pm

See all suggestion above I-m so happy I agree. Initially yes I'm sure everything is overwhelming but there are also many options and solutions that have worked for others. I have 2 co workers how had the depo and wanted kids 1 took 3 months after going off to get pregnant 1 took 9. I did awful on depo and hate it evil vile thing it is (made me psycho violent, and had an opposite period effect I'd bleed for 2 or 3 weeks then off a week was hell!)
If your DH has to have surgery freeze the swimmers then you also have the option for more babies later as well. Health first no point being a parent if you can't be healthy to raise them right. could be as minor as http://symptomsoftesticularcancerv.com/testicular-cyst-testicular-cyst-c...
and less scary then cancer. Think positive and start the baby talk Smile

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Sat, 05/12/2012 - 5:14pm

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. We would never do anything THAT serious without a second opinion anyway but the initial shock of just oh my gosh is still kind of setting in. To answer some of the questions, according to the urologist it neither mass is actually ON his testicle, it's in the "webbing" if you will that their held in. Bc of where they both are, in order to do anything to know for sure, they'd have to cut through the pipes. Banking his sperm regardless of the second opinion seems like the best option just in case. Idk what I would do if we "missed our chance" while waiting for this stuff to pan out. As far as adoption, while I think it's great...it just isn't for us. While we have a crazy BM, I still raise my skids and the reason I want to have a child is just that, I want to HAVE a child. Adoption I just feel like wouldn't "do it" for me if you will. Absolutely no offense to anyone that has gone that route. My next depo is due in July. DH and I have already discussed me not getting another one. I have an appt in June with my GYN just for a complete run down of what's going on with me. I had been on depo when I got pregnant the first time but got off approximately 2 months prior but then had a second trimester miscarriage with absolutely no reason the doc could figure out as to why. It was the weirdest thing. I went in, they couldn't find a heartbeat, they did bloodworm after that and my HCG level was 0, which was baffling to the doctor. Im nervous about even trying again bc idk if I can handle another miscarriage. But, I can't let fear cripple me or I might never get the opportunity. Thank you guys for you advice, and support!! It's hard when my best friend has a bajillion female issues, yet got pregnant like, on cue after stopping her bc, had a wonderful pregnancy, for the most part an uncomplicated labor, and a baby that rarely if ever cries. I love him soooo much but I swear to you he is the happiest baby I have EVER seen and I've even admitted to her I'm slightly jealous. She has a baby that loves her, I have two skids that couldn't care less.