Why does it bother me so much that he has a relationship with his oldest daughter (she's 27)? She's done nothing but trample all over me, make it clear to everyone that I'm not part of the family, and run her mouth about me to anyone who has ears.

I know what I did today was stupid. We're driving down the road, and DH says that she texted him wanting him to put her two kids on the bus in the morning. We've had this discussion before. It drives me batty that she waits until the last minute to ask him. He's even talked to her about it, but she continues to do it. DH wants to talk about it - he doesn't have a problem doing it, but wants to know if him doing it will end up starting a fight. Doesn't he know the answer already? We get along pretty well until OSD comes into the picture. He has a really crappy relationship with OSD, but it's not because of him. She uses him - she doesn't call unless she needs someone to either put her kids on or get them off the bus. We've talked to the counselor about this - she said DH needs to put boundaries there...but in some respects he has (not about this issue), but why would OSD want to try and change her behavior when she knows that there is a good chance that DH will do it for her? Is he teaching her to be responsible by doing that? He says he wants to do it for the grandkids...honestly I think that's a bunch of BS. I don't understand if having a relationship with the GK is that important, why doesn't he make arrangements any other time to see them? In the last 3 weeks, we have gone over there to get them on the bus once (again she called the night before), then the following week, she called again (he couldn't do it because of a drs. appt.). Is having a relationship with your GK a relationship when it's just convenient to throw it in your wife's face?

Anyway, he said he was going to call her and tell her yes. I flipped out and tried to grab the cell phone out of his hand while he was driving. He throws the phone hard enough that it comes apart, and he slams on the brakes, and skids off the side of the road. He says he can't take this anymore, and starts to walk away (mind you we are at least 3 miles from home). Our BD is in the carseat, screaming her head off because I think it all scared her. I get her out the car, and go after him. Why did I do that? Why didn't I just let him walk home? He gets back in the car, and I am almost begging him to tell me he wants me to leave. He says it's a free country and I can do what I want, but he isn't going to tell me the marriage is over. I told him I'm pretty much screwed. I have no where to go, no money and three kids...my choices are to get out and not know how I'm going to make it through even the first day or stay and live in this.

DH said something that I never thought of before, and I think it's true. He said that I don't want him to have a relationship with her or do anything for her because I want her to be hurt - that she doesn't deserve to have any good - she just deserves bad things. You know, he's right. She has hurt me, humiliated me and made me out to look like a gold digger, brain washer, etc. For the first part of our marriage, DH just stood by and did nothing. He has been taking baby steps towards trying to set boundaries, but it's just not working. He goes and talks to her, and even after their talks, the relationship goes right back to where it was - no relationship unless she can get something out of him.

He said to me today that he's listened to my (I can't remember the exact word he used) but drama about his kids being mean to me for the last 2 1/2 years. What I heard in his tone of voice was, get over it. How can I do this? How can I not get that sinking feeling in my stomach when I see her number on the caller ID, or get so anxious when I hear DH cell phone go off that he got a text? I can't live like this. I am owning the problem...i despise her, and am contributing to our marriage going in the toilet.