I was a stepmother to three children, two being 21 and 23 now, (23 yr old lived with us p/t with her daughter) and the other step being 16. They were all under 18 when I became involved with their dad 8 yrs ago. My 16 yr old lived their also & due to economy, my 2 adult children My older one had a child that stayed their every other week end. The stepkids mom an alcoholic/useless/selfish. My kids dad alcoholic/uninvolved. My bf became my best friend when we met and I love him so much. The problems started when I moved in with him 5 yrs ago. I felt that my boyfriend did not put he and I, as a couple, a priority in creating rules and managing household from the time I moved in. He felt I should stand by his decisions regarding his children whether I agree with them or not if I love him. Example being his son's girlfriend practically moving in for 3 yrs, even as a minor and his daughter who has partial custody of her child, letting everyone else do the parenting work while she just hung around. Trust me, adult children living at home almost need more rules, and there needed to be rules regarding raising kids in our home and no boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping over, but my bf was very permissive. We also had his mother (incapacitated) and her full time caretaker also living with us and my 3 kids. Since there was not anywhere near the structure that I raised my own kids with, we fought terrible and it brought out the worst in the 2 of us. We both even started to drink too much due to stressand neither one of us were heavy drinkers.That made things worse! He asked me to move out of his home and I did, reluctantly. My heart has been broken....I really loved the kids and his mom, and my boyfriend so much. I became real close to the caretaker even though it was difficult at times sharing my home and my kitchen with her and mom. But being part of a stepfamily seemed to be an immpossible task. I am generally a very patient loving person and consider myself fair and reasonable to get along with. My boyfriend always said "you and your rules"....but when you have 12 people including a couple of grandchildren living with you, you have to have rules. I told my BF that I would still like to date even though we live apart and that might end up working out better cause we are both very strong and capable individuals that can run our own house the way we want. He said I am not the person he wants to be with anymore because he truly feels after that negative 5 yr experience that I am not the person for him. The moral of the story is. Don't move in with your significant other into his house with his kids that he has custody of. It is an Impossible task !!!! My heart is so broken right now. I truly loved them and miss them all very much, even though it was hard. Being a step mom can do numbers on your self esteem. Everybody has a problem with what you do and say. Live alone and date if you and your BF have kids. Don't marry again. I have learned sooo much from reading over the last coulple of weeks and I highly recommend the book "stepmonster" for men and women. I think we were truly a unique home having so many people under one roof. Hindsight is 20/20 and if I had done learned all this beforehand we might still be together. I would appreciate any feedback. .........