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Schedule Change... AGAIN

Swan Dive's picture

I'm so funking tired of this shit. For a short stint, BM and I were communicating via email. Last email I wrote her was, "could you please stop changing the school pick up schedule, I have a flexible schedule for work, but I can't keep changing it every week when you want to do something else." She, obviously, got pissed off and told me not to email her anymore. Which I did. Now she contacts my FDH to ask me things.

This woman, this stupid bitch, has gone from picking up her kids Mon-Wed (appx 3pm-7pm) at the beginning of the school year,
to Mon and Wed,
to Tue and Thurs, appx 8hrs total
then Tue and Thurs appx 5 hours total.
Then one week she asked to swap Tue for Wed.
But I thought she worked on Wednesday?
But then the following week asked to switch Thurs for Wed - So I asked her if she'd like to take on wednesday's too. But alas, she cannot.

She takes the kids for Spring Break and in the middle of the week texts my FDH saying she might have a Nanny job (we got a good laugh out of that. She's going to be taking care of someone else's kids and she can't even take care of her own?) and could she switch to taking the kids on Monday and Fri. He said he'd talk it over with me. I told him no, and that she can keep the schedule as-is until summer vacation. Since I have changed my work schedule, literally 4 or 5 times in the last 7 months, due to her wanting to change around her work schedule (btw, I have a job that actually provides income, she works as a barista in her friends coffee shop for 12 hours a week and gets paid scraps).

So, I guess my FDH never responded after we talked about it. He said he figured she'd bring it back up again when she needed a definite answer. Today, she texts him saying, "I have a job offer, I would have to work until 8pm on Tuesdays. I asked everyone I know if they could pick up the kids from school that day but no one can do it and I didn't want to disturb Swan Dive's schedule. " Yeah, I'm sure you checked with everyone you know... and i'm sure you didn't want to disturb my schedule. If that isn't a crock of shit. She expects to be a bitch to me and throw out these little asshole tid bits about me and then act like she gives a shit about respecting my schedule? Bullshit. My response to FDH was "But... she's going to disturb my schedule anyway, basically." I asked him to quesiton when she was going to see her kids. He said she wanted to get them on Thurs and Fri's but she would have to drop them off at 4pm.

So... lets do the math here.
She will see them:
Thurs for 1 hour
Fri for 1 hour.
She is suppose to have them every other weekend.

This is how the weekends go:

FDH drops them off at 7pm Fri night at BM's parents house.
*They spend the night there.
*They spend all of Saturday under the care of BM's step-father and teenage half sister (who they kids claim is 'bossy' in a house that is infested with mice and has been described as comparable to the house of a horder (by both kids and my FDH) so BM can go to school from 9am-6pm. *BM picks them up Saturday night from her parents house and takes them to her apartment.
*She keeps them up late past their bedtime.
*She wakes them up at 7am Sunday so my FDH can come pick them up.

We figure she spends about 2 or 3 conscious hours with them every other saturday.

Now, the rant:

For someone who likes to capitalize the word MY every time she refers to the kids, to their father... For someone who likes to play the victim and cry about how her kids were "ripped" away from her because she had an affair and got knocked up with her lovers baby while she was still married, and then suggested "maybe the kids should live with you" when she had to move in with her lover because she didn't think through "Project: Leave My Husband" and went flat broke because her plan of reaping child support fell through. For someone who continually tells her kids, "I wanted to do that with you, but you don't live with me. If you lived with me we would do all sorts of fun things." For someone who complains that, "I'm the Mommy." and "No Step-moms/replacement moms allowed" boastfully and only shows up to school functions or takes them on holidays due to fear of me replacing her or how it will look to the public eye if she does not take them. Then why on earth do you every couple months say, "I can't get them." "Can you have your girlfriend get them?" "I need to change the schedule again." "Can you drop them off at my parents because I have to work/go to school." "They should live with me." when she knows damn well, the schedule would be the same, and they still wouldn't see her. Then, every other weekend, during the 36 hours they are in your custody, leave them in the care of your parents and teenage sister for at least 24 of those hours, keep them up late to paint their nails because it suits YOUR schedule, and still have only spent a couple waking hours with them, only to wake them up at the crack of dawn to have their father pick them up. Then, you get child support for gas money to see them 2 -6 hours a week when he drives them to you and picks them up every other weekend? You drive to school 2 or 3 days a week that is over an hour away, and you need to be PAID to see your kids? Then I have to listen to a FSD3 talk about, "Mommy gunna pick me up. I wanna go to mommy's house." Because you told her you wanted her to live with you, when that clearly isn't even an option. Why the fuck would you do that to a little kid? I have to listen to FSD6 anD FSD7 ask, "Why didn't mommy pick us up?" and "How come mommy dropped us off early?" Why the fuck is it my job to explain to "YOUR" kids why you are so fucking busy you can't see them? I'd leave it up to FDH, but they don't ask him, they ask me. And suddenly I have to tell their fragile little minds and hearts that their mother loves them and is very busy... so I don't cause any future psychological damage by saying, "your mom is a fucking dead beat and she feels she is more important than you, and she only sees you to remind you you have a mother and to tell you to detach from me, ultimately to confuse you because it makes her feel better about herself." Nope, don't get to say that. Only get to praise their mom who shit talks me to them. Why? Because I'm the better person. Right? UGH... I want this woman to lose her mind and go wander into a quarry or something.

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Swan Dive's picture

He revoked most the child
new
Submitted by Swan Dive on Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:52am.
He revoked most the child support from her. She swindled a small amount for "gas money" to pick them up twice a week. She makes sure to pick them up twice a week... even if it is only for an hour. So until she fucks that up, he can't really do anything.

I deal with it, because I committed myself to it at the beginning of the school year. I told FDH that I'm not doing it next year and they will take the bus to and from school. FDH adjusted his schedule so he can be home by 4, so when she does drop them off early, he deals with it. We all live together. It's not like I'm going to tune out to all the activities going on in my own home.

They're pretty good kids, they tell me occasionally what their mom says. I try not to react emotionally with it. I'll just ask them if they think what she said was nice, they usually say no, and I drop it. Earlier on, they use to treat me differently after they'd see their mom, but now I hear them say things like, "SD6, you know mommy doesn't always keep her promises." So I think they're starting to get it. It's frustrating to watch these kids struggle with all the shit she says/promises them or blames FDH and then cut out even more time with them only to complain more. It's hard hearing someone slander you and not being able to say shit about it. I told FDH today that I wanted to email her but instead I'd rant on here, because I don't need to get it started again.

I could just "let him handle it" but the fact is we all live together and yes, sometimes I go out or lock myself in a room, but they aren't roommates - we are getting married and they will be my ste kids. I interact with them daily and am probably the only good female role model they have at this point unfortunately.

I agree, he needs full custody, because this is ridiculous. We had planned a while ago that I would just get them all 5 days and if she was going to come see them she could get them from me. Then it fell through for reasons I fail to recall. I think I'm going to talk to him about doing that again, though.

More over, I'm just pissed about the fact that she shit talks me to them, then asks for favors. I don't say shit about her to them. Though, when she falls through on her days of picking them up, I let her fall. She's been late numerous times to get them from school. The first couple times I went to the school to get the first kid. After that I made sure to not be home on her days and let her take the brunt of it. I heard SD7 talking to her on the phone saying, "Mommy, you need to leave earlier. You were REALLY late. I was the last kid on the playground. I had to go to the office. I didn't want to go to the office." It's frustrating to watch these kids struggle with all the shit she says/promises them or blame FDH for her problems and then cut out even more time with them only to complain more about how she doesn't want me to replace her. I don't want to replace her... I want her to take care of her own damn kids or step out and stop being a pain in the ass. I care about the skids and I'm not going to neglect them when their mom is being a bitch, and they come to me, they don't need to be rejected by both females in their life. They didn't do anything.

FDH does do a lot, but this wasn't about him this is a rant on how I feel. It effects me because it effects him.