Fractioned goes drinking with the BM, skid birthdays, and SO fires his lawyer! OR, Oh, boy...
Well, it's been a thoroughly exciting week...
Last week SS7 was sick and SO was home with him. I stayed at my own place most of the time, since I really can't afford to come down with something that would take me out of work. So, I went to happy hour, and who should I run into but BM and her best buddy!
Now, BM and I haven't really had a conversation outside of small talk before. I see her every weekend when they switch visitation, and things are pretty friendly, if a little weird. When she and her friend invited me to join them, I went ahead and took the opportunity. OH BOY!
I feel like it went pretty well. She was nice, we joked around a bit, talked about her son and his upcoming birthday. But she did let slip that there's trouble brewing between her and her live-in boyfriend (who she ditched my SO for). Apparently he's not living up to her expectations and is going to be getting a talking to. I told SO the whole story and he thinks she might decide she wants to come "home" after all, since that's the easy way out of her problems...
Since we had our little "get to know you" session, the BM has been extra friendly with SO. She stopped by on the weekend to drop off medicine in an itty bitty dress (while I was there, haha) and is talking about doing a joint birthday party at SO's house (like they did last year). SO and I talked about it and I told him some of the advice I've seen here. I worry that it would be confusing for SS7 if she was here for it without her boyfriend (he's not welcome at the house, for good reason), as he is still not 100% accepting that mom just isn't coming back. Having mom and dad together on his birthday would be a joy for him but not the right message to send (and if she does have designs on coming back after all, she shouldn't get the opportunity to bring SS7 in the middle of it). SO sees this, but is also wary of getting into the habit of giving SS7 two birthdays (he doesn't want to raise an entitled kid, hooray!). Other option would be to do a "moving" birthday party since SO and BM live pretty close. So, STalkers, what's your take?
Oh, and yesterday, SO fired his lawyer. They were making all sorts of excuses to eat up the retainer and delaying serving BM her papers (which SO wants done right away). Now SO is thinking about doing this himself since he has copies of most of what the lawyer drafted. OH BOY!
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EXACTLY. This is the giant
EXACTLY. This is the giant snowball I see in the rearview mirror.
I'm fighting the boundaries battle one issue at a time. He's coming around bit by bit. Part of what is holding things up is the divorce itself - he is playing nice till the papers are signed. I'm fine going along with it for now, but I still do let him know when things bother me and why. He's been listening and has changed a few things, which helps a lot.
Haha well, I was nervous. But
Haha well, I was nervous. But I'm glad I went - I actually feel a whole lot better about her now. Instead of getting myself worked up about a mystery person, I have a real person (with real flaws) to deal with. It humanized her for me, and that makes things easier. Other side of the coin is I think she's had the same experience now, and thinks she has the measure of me.
The only thing I see with the separate birthdays is if SO and I were to have a kid, there could be jealousy issues down the line. I don't want there to be battles or competition. I'd want my kid and my SO's son to be treated as equals. Well, that and I see glimmers of guilty daddy potential in my SO - I want to eliminate the "special treatment for CoD" idea as much as possible!
DH and BM do separate B-Day
DH and BM do separate B-Day partys. (except last year Bm was to busy buying dope and didn't have the money so she came to our party at the park).
The only time our Bm has tried to talk to me was when she wanted me to talk to DH about letting her see SS unsupervised. It didn't go well for Bm. You can't act like I don't exist and then after 5 years call me for the first time and ask me to do you a favor. BM didn't like my response.
Don't try to be friends with Bm because it very seldom works in SM favor. My guess is if Bm and BF don't work out she'll come calling on DH again. So watch for that.
Wow - sounds like your BM was
Wow - sounds like your BM was pretty ignorant - who the hell thinks that is okay?
Indeed. I don't see myself playing "friends" with this woman, though I would like to keep it friendly if at all humanly possible. I certainly don't expect her to see me as her friend, especially considering what I know of her already and the intentions I suspect she has. And I won't allow her to pull me into the middle of things that she and my SO need to work out.
That said, I didn't snub her invitation, and I didn't decline out of nervousness. She was surprised that I actually showed up. I feel like that puts me on the high ground.