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John Rosemond's views on stepparents

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:20pm

http://www.rosemond.com/johns-columns/june-7-stepfamily-family/

How do you feel about this?

I have to say, I actually agree with this somewhat. What I think is that the kids might very well resist being pushed to the back seat. I also think there's a way where nobody has to be pushed to the back seat. That is for these parents to be PARENTS to their kids and SPOUSES to their spouses. Any parent who truly loves their kids will call them out on their BS, and demand that they treat all adults (including stepparents) with respect. For those with adult kids, if they truly loved their adult kids, they would insist that they treat the SP with respect, and cite how these people wouldn't like it if they (bioparent) treated their (stepkid's) partners like $hit. This might also force skids of any age to realize they have issues they need help with, and speak up about them so they can get any help they need.

Comments

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:26pm

Agreed. The relationship between the adults has to be solid which in turn makes the children secure. It only takes one parent to undermine this arrangement and all hell breaks loose.

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:27pm

I agree with it Smile but I am staying disengaged until the girls are older and grow out of physically abusing me.

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:33pm

but I think that the over all comment he made about the couple coming first is the main thing that most of us would agree on.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:33pm

Ohh, didn't even think about this. Good point Mazzy! Otherwise agreed with everything he said. It's called "family" first, step is secondary.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:34pm

Yeah, I agree. I don't know if he knows just how many crazy, psycho BM's we deal with who try to undermine any and all of our efforts, along with the efforts of our husbands.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:28pm

Agreed. 100%. I have been guilty of having the US and THEM mentality. But I have gotten much better at it.

unsure99's picture

Submitted by unsure99 on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 4:34pm

I agree with what he says 100%, what he is saying is that he loved and respected his stepfather just as much as if it was his real father and appreciated the discipline that came from being treated just like he was his bio-father.

I know that most of us have crazy BM that don't want us to have this kind of relationship with their precious darlings that have been scared forever because of a divorce but that is not helping the kids any in the long run, of course we all here know this....but over all I agree with everything he had to say. I sent the link to the FDH.

sorryilovemydogmore's picture

Submitted by sorryilovemydogmore on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:27pm

Overall I agree with this, but it does sound like his situation was different than most here. FDH keeps pushing the "family" thing and that all of us are a family, even when I try doing the "no, they're your kids" thing. He's right, but it's taking some adjusting. I do have the authority to discipline and pretty much raise them like they were mine, which is something I know many stepparents don't get and there are issues because of it. But sometimes I just don't want the responsibility. Yes, I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I was wrong. It would be so much easier if whatshername was hundreds of miles away. I think the constant "shadow" of her and her intrusion into our lives is a big part of why I'm struggling with feeling like a family as opposed to a step family.