Vent: annoyed
My FDH has been responding to bm's text for 2 days, she needs us to send clothes again, she is wanting me to put ribbon in all the clothes so they know it is ours, I know I'm being unreasonable but either they have clothes or they don't and they can send dirty clothes back, because they are smokers I have to wash it anyway. It's very aggravating because I know how to do things she expects me to do so! Also it's BM Mother's visit so why is it she cannot speak to him? It's just very frustrating. I also go by a nickname and the only name she ever knew me as, she dated my biotwins' father so she found out my first name!
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Your FDH is the custodial
Your FDH is the custodial parent, correct? Is there any CS being paid?
Yes he is has custody, no we
Yes he is has custody, no we get zero support from her. Only thing she has to pay for is gas to and fro her mother's house, she has supervised visits
she is wanting me to put
she is wanting me to put ribbon in all the clothes so they know it is ours
really?? How does one not know what clothes belong to them?? I can promise you I know each and every item of clothing that goes through my laundry. Maybe I am a weirdo?? I know last summer when SD14 stole a bunch of my clothes and DH asked her about it, she denied it, but said she would look to see if she took anything "by mistake". I wondered how is it that her Grandma or BM or whoever the hell does laundry in the trailer hood doesn't wonder where all these "new" clothes are coming from???
No the clothes belong in the
No the clothes belong in the household that bought them. It is not my wallet that is responsible for providing clothing in someone else's house.
In addition if I spent my hard earned money for my skids to have nice well fitting clothes why should they leave the crappy two sizes too small clothes at my house and take the nice to CNN house?
I disagree. I don't buy my
I disagree. I don't buy my kids' clothes "for the household." I buy them for THEM. I agree, I think it's another issue for parents to unneccesarily get snarky over.
Really, what does an outfit or two cost??
If your child had a friend
If your child had a friend and the parents asked you to send clothes over for them to keep (for whatever crazy reason) because sometimes your child stays there, would you? Or would you think that since YOU bought the clothes, they should stay in YOUR household?
If she was paying support, I
If she was paying support, I would disagree with this.
My husband's x tried not sending clothes with the girls when they visited. My husband pays support. We told her if she brought them without clothes again, we would be bringing them back to her. She didn't bring the clothes.
She worked part time at a movie theater during the weekends we had the kids. My husband brought them right back to her at the theater.
She filed a Motion for Contempt. The judge told her to send the clothes.
clothing is included in child
clothing is included in child support in our state. Hell would freeze over before I would duplicate efforts. If she can't clothe them and take care of their daily needs, which is what the custodial parent is charged with in our state, she can be the NCP.
We don't have our own clothes
We don't have our own clothes for skids at our house...they have a few items they have left behind from time to time, but we certainly don't specifically purchase clothes for them to have at our house. That is BMs job as the NCP, that is why she gets CS.
I don't understand why if a
I don't understand why if a parent pays CS, they seem to think that absolves them of ALL financial responsibility (or total responsibility) for their kid.
No, I don't receive CS.
Yes, when we weren't CP of SD, we had clothes, shoes, etc. at our house for her. Yes, her dad paid CS to BM.
I don't understand why if a
I don't understand why if a parent pays CS, they seem to think that absolves them of ALL financial responsibility (or total responsibility) for their kid.
Don't recall anyone saying this??? DH buys PLENTY of things for skids, Cell phones, they are on our cell phone plan, shoes, sports equipment, video games etc. But we will not be "required" by BM to purchase special clothes for skids to have at our house. If they are going to be at our place for more than a day, then it is her responsibility (or skids) to send them with a change of clothes. Period.
It wouldn't be BM "requiring"
It wouldn't be BM "requiring" you to buy clothes for DH's kids. It's called being a responsible parent.
Just because he pays CS, how does that magically translate to, "as a father, he is not required to clothe his children?" How is it any different from feeding them when they're with him? Should BM be sending food for them "because he pays CS?" That's ridiculous. BOTH parents are parents. BOTH parents support the kids. BOTH parents should tend to the basic necessities of life: food, clothing, shelter, medical care.
How is it different from him
How is it different from him feeding them when they are with him? BECAUSE THEY ARE WITH HIM!
They OBVIOUSLY don't send the skid to the BM NAKED so if she wants more clothing, she sure as HELL can have SOME financial responsibility towards HER OWN CHILD.
Using your (lack of) logic,
Using your (lack of) logic, then, since the kids are WITH DH, then DH should provide the clothing, right? If he feeds them because they're with him, then he should clothe them.
Whatever. I figure, put aside the nitpick battle with psycho BM and get the kids clothes. Makes their life simpler and it made MY life simpler.
How's THIS for logic?
How's THIS for logic? According to your OWN POST above, you say BOTH parents should be responsible for basic needs...food, clothing, etc.
But you also claim that the dad needs to give clothes to the BM for the skid.
WHY SHOULDN'T the BM be responsible for clothing the child at HER place (or grandBMs)? Isn't she part of the "both parents" that you reference??
ETA: It isn't a nitpicky battle. If the bitch isn't woman enough to pay CS for her own child that doesn't live with her, she sure as HELL can fork out a few dollars for clothing for that child.
Skylark, I never said dad
Skylark, I never said dad should provide clothes to mom. I believe they should each provide clothing for the children when in their care.
Not sure where you got that...
With CS, both parents ARE
With CS, both parents ARE being financially responsible for their children. The CP is charged with the care and control of their every day needs. That includes clothing.
Now don't get me wrong, I fully support dad helping out with things the kid wants to do, the decision and financial help of providing a car and car insurance if that is the bio-parents united position with their child and financial help with activities they decide the child would participate in.
To me, it is not feasible to have different sets of clothes when the NCP only sees them 4 times a month or maybe a week or two in the summer.
edited I posted a reply, but
edited
I posted a reply, but decided it's not even worth the wasted space....
Me too. Then I got bored with
Me too. Then I got bored with it and moved on.
I will say that most divorce decrees I know of say that the custodial parent supplies the clothing for visitation. I don't know if that is a hard and fast rule, however.
My DH pays CS. The skids
My DH pays CS. The skids bring clothing from BMs (their choice). Even when we HAVE purchased clothing for them, BM has PASed the kids enough that they won't TOUCH it - even if they thought it was "cute" or whatever at the store.
Don't worry. If it is not
Don't worry. If it is not this issue it is another. People don't have to have ways to be snarky with someone they don't like. The crazy BMs can make ANY molehill into a MOUNTAIN.
Hell yeah. Just buy an outfit
Hell yeah. Just buy an outfit or two for YOUR kid, whether you're CP or NCP.
Seriously.
Are you a guy? Because (like
Are you a guy? Because (like my DH) you sometimes have a hard time identifying the bigger issue and tend to focus on the little details.
Not a guy, just a SM who had
Not a guy, just a SM who had clothes for SD at our home. Hell, when things got tight for BM, we even (gasp!) bought clothes, shoes, and underwear and sent them to BM's house.
BM, of course, always had nice, new clothes, so we knew where to CS was spent. However, we didn't feel like SD should be "punished" for her mother's selfishness.
So, we bought stuff and sent it over. The world didn't stop spinning.
Yes, of course there are always "bigger pictures," but I believe that if you weed out the small stuff, those "big pictures" start to shrink. JMO.
ETA: YES, we paid CS to BM.
That is strange that this is
That is strange that this is the first that you have heard of it. In almost every situation that I know of, that is the norm.
When you only have a kid 4 days a month in some cases, why would you go buy a bunch of clothes? They would be outgrown before they wore out.
Your FDH should send her
Your FDH should send her mapquest directions to the nearest Walmart and/or thrift store!
I just wish BM would
I just wish BM would understand I'm the supporting the skids(I don't mind FDH is in college and it's what's best for us right now). She has another set of baby twins and that is why she have things for my skids. Gezz I'm supporting 5 kids total and 2 adults! I think she also wants some of the bows I make for SD. Ugh! The kids want to take their lovely's I bought them so they can hug me and their dad while they are gone. I'm ok with them. Also dad gets a 10 minute phone call durring their visit wonder what will happen if the skids ask to talk to me and tell me they miss me, I refuse to not speak to them if they ask for me, I wont push it if they don't ask.
They have a weekend
They have a weekend supervised visit