How can they just not care how their bio-kids turn out?
This is my first blog, just been using the forums so far. So, if you haven't seen any of my posts over there, here's the quick run down of my situation. 2 skids, ss10 and sd 9. We have full custody of both kids, bms don't even come for visitation.I have one bioson 2 (almost 3) and am due with second bioson in May. Both my biosons belong to my Dh.
I am just continually amazed by how my Dh can just ignore problems with his kids. No matter how horribly they behave, he can just ignore it, or rationalize it away. That seems to be a common problem with bio parents on this board. Do they just not care how their kids turn out?
This past week for example, SD got into it at school with SS, cause he caught her bullying another girl.... So she berated him at school. Lied to Dh about what happened at school, and gave him horrible attitude that morning on the way to school. Says he's going to get to the bottom of it when he picks them up. Well, her punishment for all that was to say "sorry" to SS. That's it.
Well, that same day bioson had a rough day at school. He was being defiant to his teachers and bit a girl from his class. He's never behaved like that before... Been in school since June and he's had 3 bad days. Dunno if he was over tired, or if the tension/yelling in the car on the way to school had him aggitated. But regardless, I had him make an 'Im sorry' card for the little girl, he didn't get to watch tv at all that night, and he didn't get any dessert. And we had several talks about his behavior.
So both SD 9 and bs2 had bad days. SD got off Scott free, and bs had consiquences. She's 9!, and yet in dhs mind is less culpable for her actions than a 2 yr old!.
Next day (friday), both skids come home with bad behavior reports from school yet again (we haven't had a good week since mid December), and they sit on their beds after dinner til bedtime. Dh asks me.... Are you sure we aren't being too hard on them? Maybe notes home from the teacher aren't really that big of a deal. I feel like we are over punishing them.......... Dh, they are sitting on their beds for an hour and a half to think about their behavior. It's not like they are being.beaten or forced to do manual labor. If anything, its not punishment enough since they continue to act a fool at school....... Yeah, I guess your right (and he's mopey the rest of the night)
Do I like punishing my bioson? Hell no, itbeaks my heart. But I do it because I want him to learn consiquences and grow to be a well rounded productive member of society.
Why can't these bio parents see that they are ruining their.children?
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Comments
It just laziness. Bad parents
It just laziness.
Bad parents don't want to be bad parents, but they're unwilling to do the hard work and sacrifices to be good parents.
Most people can't admit they're lazy, though, so they'll engage in a variety of tactics to make them feel better about themselves and their laziness (all kids are disrespectful to their teachers, no kids like to do chores, etc etc.)
It had to be more than just
It had to be more than just laziness, cause I have been willing to do it myself for 5+ years. I know its not my job/responsibility but it also would make my life easier to get their behavior under control. He literally does not want his kids disciplined. Every punishemnt is too harsh, and every behavior ( no matter how outrageous) is "normal". He has blinders on when it comes to those kids, yet is quick, fast and in a hurry to point out everything that bioson does.
I've given up now though. I just worry about my bioson and making sure that he grows up right. I may point something out to him here and there, but he usually just blows it off.
I don't think the fact that
I don't think the fact that you're willing to do it and he isn't doesn't mean that he's not lazy....it means you are not lazy but he is!
Are you the poster whose husband has difficulty going to work in the morning or is that someone else I'm thinking of?
I think you are thinking of
I think you are thinking of Mapper. My Dh does take a lot of time off work, but I've never posted about it.
Oh, and I know he is lazy. But it has to be more than that. It's like.he has short term memory loss. 5 minutess after SD acting a complete fool, he's all calling her pet names, joking around with her, acting like nothing happened.
Sorry. Anyway, m still
Sorry.
Anyway, m still sticking with my laziness theory. If DH thought his kids were messed up, he'd have to do something about it..which would require work. Since he's not note rested in work, the kids must be perfect as is!
Of course, it's just a theory.
Man, you'd think that the one
Man, you'd think that the one thing you'd get off your ass for is your kids.
YEP, SO does the same. He'll
YEP, SO does the same. He'll cuss for 3 hours around me for something SD does, but the minute he is around her, its all smiles giggles and joking. Oh then there's the 3-4 hour talks/shopping trips to get her to understand how important it is to be a responsible person and telling her to get her grades up. Guilt. For some reason more for SD than SS. He can be tough on SS, but he can't seem to do it to SD.
Same here. He is way tougher
Same here. He is way tougher of SS, but SD gets a free pass everytime. He's only ever mad at her when she's at school. The second he sees her, the rainbows come out and the fairies are dancing about.
He called me absolutely livid that day he was dealing with her in the car on the way to school. Told me not to be suprised when I got home from work if her butt was red from a spanking (web only rarely spank the kids) ect ect. She was rolling her eyes at him, back talking, flat out refusing to say sorry to SS, refusing to shut the car door ect ect, just acting a total shit. Basically how she acts with me when Dh isn't around. So I was actually really happy that he finally saw her for who she's truly become. But nope. All she had to do was say sorry to SS, and all was forgiven and back to business as usual.
EXACTLY. I don't even take SO
EXACTLY. I don't even take SO seriously anymore when he says he's going to "stop coddling her" and "really come down on her". I just nod and smile and walk away.
My SO has gotten a lot better
My SO has gotten a lot better than he used to, but really it stems from
1. guilt - I never see them, all interactions must be good. Never negative.
2. Learned helplessness - BM has all the control, I can't do anything about it.
3. Laziness - BM will handle it.
We have these kids 365 days a
We have these kids 365 days a year, so all the usual "disney dad" logic doesn't really apply to Dh. He just seems completely happy to let his kids turn into complete f-ups.
Oh I'm sorry. You have to
Oh I'm sorry. You have to deal with it way more than me. My condolences.
My DH doesn't really
My DH doesn't really discipline his kids. He leaves the BAD COP routine to me. I explain to him that it's not fair that I am the one who has to be the bad guy because I am not their Bio and that I don't want them to feel that I am an evil Stepmom. He says I'm better at it than he is. Which is true. He's gotten a LITTLE better at it but still not as much as he should. However, it's gotten to a point where whenever the Skids want to do something they don't ask him. They ask me. Which to me means they know what I say goes and they don't bother asking their dad. Even my SS19 asks me for permission to go out or borrow the car. He doesn't ever ask his dad. Weird right?