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Update to- What the F is wrong with these kids

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 6:39am

Well, Dh 'dealt' with it.....sort of?...... Not at all?

http://www.steptalk.org/node/83612

He had a talk with them. If you could even call it that. It was less than a three minute conversation...for both of them. It began and ended in the time it took me to get dressed. That includes them explaining themselves and him talking to them. Less than three minutes.

There are no consiquences. Nothing. He 'talked' to them so now its done as far as he's concerned. I questioned him about how he didn't feel that behavior warented further consiquences? And his response was...... Oh please, this is kids stuff. Atleast SD was saying that stuff to the other kid and not SS. Id much rather it be this way than her ganging up on SS with the other kid. Me- you act like it has to be one or the other, and her just acting correctly isn't even on the table. Dh- listen, they behaved at school and that's what I care more about, that's what's important. Me- again, its not having to pick one or the other. But whatever, their your kids handle it how you want.

I can now say with ultimate certainty that this marraige will not last. These kids will be the death of our relationship. Not going for a divorce at this time, but its inevitable. There's going to be a point in the next few years where SD goes too far and I need tocleave to protect my kids. He won't control his kids and won't allow me to either.

Comments

not.the.crazy.one's picture

Submitted by not.the.crazy.one on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 6:58am

Sounds like my house too. There are NO consequences for skids actions. He fusses at them for a few minutes, says not to do it again. Of COURSE it happens again, and again, and again.

And if I punish them (which I quit doing because why should I?), then I, according to DH "need to stay off their asses".

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 7:47am

If you know a divorce is inevitable, I don't understand staying and prolonging it. It is too much on your kids and you...The sooner you end it, the easier it will be for everyone...

I should have walked away when I saw how bad it would be with SD. I didn't, I loved him and I thought that was enough. SD no longer has a decent relationship with his daughter and SS has a minimal one with his BM. The outcome was not worth us getting married. THings are so much better now since her drama is gone and BM is not a factor anymore. But, the pain that first year, was horrible and there is still some PTSD from it....So not worth it....

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 8:01am

Why not end it now? That's a very good question. Ive thought about it a lot actually. There are a few key reasons.

1. We do not currently live in the state that I want to be in. We plan to move back to my home state when we finally sell our house. I do not want to get stuck in this state for the next 17 years if he decided to be a dick and not let us move. All my family is in homestate, and I have no one down here.

2. Until house is resolved neither one of us can realistically afford to live seperately. Things aren't so bad here that its worth the hardship of splitting right now.

3. I have two small children with Dh and I see how detrimental divorce is on kids. If I can spare them that hardship until they are older and have their personailities formed, then I will. So far I have managed to completely shield them from the skid crap and bs3 is doing fantastically well in school and behavior wise. So until the skids start negatively affecting my BIOS, I think its in theory best interest to be in an intact family with their dad.

4. I don't want to give up parenting time with my children. Atleast now I am here to supervise and protect them. If I divorce it feels like sending my kids in with the approves when Dh takes them for visitation.

And there is that stupid hope that things will get better. I do love my husband (although many days I wonder why) and I don't want to leave him. So I guess I am just waiting until those four things resolve themselves, or the skids get bad enough to out weigh those things.