I am fairly disengaged at this point. Pretty much all I do for ss is ensure that a minimum standard of health and saftey is met (ie, I feed him and stop him if hes doing something dangerous). Otherwise I leave it to dh to deal with, or not deal with as he chooses.

When we are all together I will address amd correct BS 4 only, even if they are both doing the same thing. Usually its just little reminder, no big deal thing. Like, no hanging on the ropes/chain when we are in lines somewhere.....or sit nicely in the chair at a resteraunt. Sometimes hearing me correct BS will get ss to shape up, sometimes it gets dh to say something to ss and sometimes ss and dh just ignore me.

Tbis weekend, we were all at the amusement park. We came down off a climbing structure. Bs4 asked if he could go back up the stairs and come down the cargo nets one more time while I got the baby situated in hos stroller. I said yes, go up these stairs (pointingh and come right back down this net (pointing). BS and ss take off. I get the baby in his stroller and got him a snack. No bs. I look at the net he should be coming down.....not there. I can zee the stairs and all the way to the entran,e of the cargo net, they arent there. I turn and see them running from the other side of the kiddie area.

They had run across an arial bridgd to a different climbing area and ran through a maze. I immediately chastised bs4. He lost privileges, and got consiquences. Dh didnt say one word to ss. Ss didnt look the least bit remorseful or guilty. He just stood there happy as a clam drinking soda, waiting for BS to finish getting yelled at so we could move on to the next fun thing.

Later on that night BS came up to me to appolgizd for his behavior and say he was sorry for dissapointing me. He promised to never run off again and to ask permission. We had a good talk about expectations a d how important it for me to know where he is. I told him that had he asked to do what he did, I probably would have said yes (ive allowed him to do it before) but thag wasnt what he was told to do this time. He understood.

I feel good about how I handled BS and the resolution was positive. But heres my issues.
1. Ss did the exact same thing as BS, yet wasnt even spoken to at all. Furthering his notion that he can do whatever he wants and the rules dont really apply to him.

2. Ss is older, 12, and he either led or followed his much younger brother intk a potentially dangerous situation that he knew damn well theh werent allowed to be in. Either he decided to disobey and BS followed him, which shows a serious lack of judgment and lack of responsibilty on ss part....... Or it was bs's idea and ss is so weak minded that he can be swayed into making the wrong choice by a preschooler.....that seriously doesnt bode well for his teenage years.

3. I NEVER have issues like this with BS when ss isnt present. We have season passes to this park, so we are there alot. All summer I took my boys while ss was away on summer visitztion..... Not one issue with BS running off or not following my instructions. Yet here come ss, and problems follow. Yes, bs4 is fully responsible for his own choices, and he gets disciplined for his bad choices when he chooses to emulate ss......but damn. Its harx for a 4 year old to grasp why his brother can do these things and act a fool and doesnt get I trouble, but as soon as he does the same hes called out on it. It just sucks to have to keep being on him to counteract ss's bad influence.