hi
So i decided to write in this thinking maybe if i write it will help all the poisons in my head to go away so that I can feel normal and happy because honestly, i haven't been fully happy in a while. I blame deployment, and stress of course. However its affecting my home life and especially how I view my stepdaughter. Even my DH can see it, but I dont know what to do about it, I've tried seeing a counselor but it doesnt seem to help. So for my first post I guess I'll talk about what it's like to have gone to Afghanistan while then BF (now DH) was going through a nasty divorce and custody battle with his now ex-wife. I'm currently an active duty Marine and am on my 5th and final year in the military. I left on my first deployment in Oct 09 and returned to civilization in April 10. During this time my (then) boyfriend was in a custody battle with his ex-wife. Since they had split up, SD had been living with her father (my then bf) and hadn't really spent ANY time (unless you can count 2 weekends BF forced BM to see her both of which she bailed halfway through) with SD in 8 months. Now all of a sudden she wants FULL CUSTODY of SD. Needless to say that was NOT going to fly with my BF. And thankfully the family court counselor agreed with my bf and suggested 76/24% physical and 50/50% legal with majority going to my bf. And of course, this was all happening while I was in Afghanistan going through all the stressors that come with that. During the 7 months I was away, barely anything was accomplished, BM was trying to weedle more custody by any means even threatening to not sign the papers unless he agreed to what she wanted. Also during all of this, mainly due to stress and the fact that me and my bf really hadnt been together physically long before I deployed, I was going through the thoughts of "should I stay or should I go now" (to use the lyrics of a song). Needless to say I stayed and I'm glad I did, but I have deep scars from the amount of stress I was in throughout the 7 months I was away.
If anyone reading this has any questions, please let me know
- scrtsqrl32's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thank you for your service.
Thank you for your service.
It might be worthwhile to call your state's Department of Veterans Affairs and find out about the resources available to you. They might have or know of support groups for veterans. They'll also know about other resources available to you.
We do have boundaries but
We do have boundaries but then BM comes over and SD decides she doesn't have to listen to me and DH anymore.
I commend you for your
I commend you for your service. I am fairly sure that the VA offers counselling. It's a lot for you both to be going through, I hope it's resolved soon and, I think, once you are back in civvies you can be more established in their lives and things will settle down some. Good luck.
From the voice of experience,
From the voice of experience, being with a dude when he is separated but not divorc Ed, and in the process of getting a divorce, is big, steaming, pile of crap.
I wouldn't say run away from this relationship, but maybe cool it and tell BF to contact you again after its sorted out. What happened with us was I was being constantly stressed dealing with my BF and all the divorce crap to the point where I was a total wreck. BF was a total wreck. We eventually got over it, but there were a lot of times where I actively hated BF and he actively hated me. I think going through that together really damaged our relationship, even to this day.
Why not just be friends for awhile while he sorts out his stuff? It's really really hard to be with someone, and trying to build something, while he is still trying to tear down his previous relationship.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the support, and no cant and honestly wouldn't get out of the relationship even if I could. Now it 2 years later about to go back to Afghanistan and have a kid of my own. I've been to counseling but nothing seems to help it. Maybe time is all I need and Sd to get away from BM of course. I'm going to be posting another blog in a couple days as a full update.