Just for Auteur... my current headache...
I have a lovely 19 year old SD. I have been in her life since she was 13. (BTW, LOVELY is sarcasm!)
My youngest biochild is DD11. All of my biokids have cell phones that *I* pay for. They have had them for years. Apparently, sweet as pie SD19 doesn't think DD is "old enough" for a cell phone, so she took it and hid it.
Here is part of our exchange... I haven't decided what, if anything, to do at this point. My son got in trouble for his knowledge and participating.
All spelling errors are SD's.
SD~
Last night, I finally found out what happened with DD's cell
phone. From what I've been told, you took it from the counter and then you
and BS decided to "hide it" and wait and see how long it took for
DD to realize it was missing. Unfortunately, then you two "forgot" that you
had taken it.
I spent time searching the school and the Boys & Girls Club and
looking in "lost and founds" searching for the phone. DD got a lecture from
me about keeping track of her things. The phone was missing for approximately 3 1/2
weeks.
Would you like to be without your cell phone for that period of time? I
have difficulty imagining you without your phone for 3 1/2 MINUTES, let
alone weeks.
Please, don't take things that aren't yours. I can only
imagine how LIVID you
would be if DD had taken your cell phone, hid it, and then
"forgot."
If you want people to respect you and your things, you need to show the same
respect for others.
SM
Her response:
omg
your getting pissed and all this just cuz i think now wait
your daughter needs to stop getting very thing she wants there for i did
something
yeah BS had the phone in his room
it was not his idea
he just hid it
i cant leave it in my room cuz you would go through or see it
it was a joke but you must not know what that is
did you even ask if i knew were it was or if i had seen it no i dont think
so
there for i didnt know you were looking all over for it
so you cant even get mad at me for that one nor can you get mad at him
and FYI i think when my dad is trying to tell you that she needs to stop
she
does
why can you tell your boys to stop
but when it comes to her you dont even know the word unless im there cuz
you know i wont stop
you know what ever
bs should not get in trouble
next time trying asking
it might help
SD
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PS: Does anyone else read
PS: Does anyone else read SD's jealousy of my DD in her response?
Ugh.
Yep, I "can't even get mad at
Yep, I "can't even get mad at her" since I didn't ASK her if she took DD's cell phone. What kind of messed up logic is that?
Geez, that was mostly
Geez, that was mostly incoherant, but what she needs to be told is it is NOT up to her what your daughter is old enough for nor does she get to make the call about your daughter getting everything she asks for. I do hope SD pays her own cell bill otherwise i would disconnect it.
Her mommy pays for it. At 19.
Her mommy pays for it.
At 19.
I think it was wrong of her
I think it was wrong of her to hide it, but IMO asking the other family members would have been MY first approach, especially after 24hrs.
IN addition-it's not her place to decide whether she's the right age or not, but personal opinion I think she's right, an 11yr old really has no need for a cell phone, nothing but problems.
Hence why my sd has one and all the drama assocaited with it, and why my son wont get one until at minimum his 13th bday-possibly older depending on his grades.
But hey...that still doesn't give her the right to decide for you. I do detect jealousy-but is there any remote possibility that your daughter is given preferential treatment over everybody else? I see that happen in tons of normal/intatct families even.
I did ask if anyone knew
I did ask if anyone knew where it was... hence, the forgetting part. It was a nightmare.
My kids have all had cell phones since the age of 8.
Well, my daughter is the youngest kid in the house, so I'm sure there's at the very least perceived preferential treatment. I know I thought my little brother got everything he ever wanted and never got in trouble!
SD is only around EOWE (less now that she graduated) so I'm not really sure how much she is "aware" of what goes on in our house.
She defintely has an issue with my DD...but not at all with my sons. Weird female jealousy crap, I guess.
It's all about the power trip
It's all about the power trip with stepmom and jealousy issues. I live it too. And they think they are so cute with twisting it around but they are so transparent.
I think that a cell phone at
I think that a cell phone at 11 is up to the parent. My DD had one at that age, simply because she had quite a ways to walk to and from the bus stop, and got off the bus 2 hours before either myself or DH got off work (so if something happened between bus stop and home, we would have no idea).
Given the above, I too would be livid if someone else decided on their own DD was "too young" for a cell phone and took it upon themself to hide it.
I feel badly for DD, since she got a lecture from her mother for keeping track of her things (really, if her mom "favored" her, there would be no such thing as a lecture about responsibility, am I right?)
What did DH have to say about it? I think he needs to be brought into this, as his Child-Person is at the root of this situation...
Oh, he thought she meant it
Oh, he thought she meant it "as a joke." mm hmm
I showed him her email response with a "SEE!" and he just shook his head.
Consequence? OF COURSE NOT.
PS: What makes it even worse is that I had DD doing "extra" chores to earn the money to replace it. Gah, tried to be a good mom and teach her responsibility at a young age just to find out she'd been sabotaged.
I'd like to throttle SD.
See how much your DH thinks
See how much your DH thinks this type of behaviour is jokey when you take her phone and hide it for a month. After all in your opinion sd should be paying for her own bills given her age, so that would be your justification for doing that.
Then "forget" you have done this.
If DH gets spitting mad at you, as well as contessa then tell them "oh, sorry thought we were now playing these types of jokes. Besides sd you are 19 so why is mommy paying for your phone? Surely a big girl like you is capable of managing your own bills..."
Urgh, I wouldnt have the little bitch in my house if she did this and tbh I would be livid at BS for his hand in enabling her bullying of his sister along with making me worry and hunt for the damn things for weeks.
If DH thinks its a joke, his opinion but seeing as your DD got a telling off for something she did not do, time for punishment for your ds and sd. If sd doesnt wish to take part in the punishment then she need not come to your home. Your DH doesnt get to make this decision, nor does he want to because that would mean being a man.
I would start hiding sd's things and see how she likes it (its called learning a valuable lesson in respecting others property and her elders) and your DH should keep his mouth shut imo.
I'd like for her to stop
I'd like for her to stop coming to our home. She's 19, there's no "court ordered" visitation, so why can't DH meet her somewhere? I SWEAR, she only comes around to make my life hell. I won't tell DH his kid isn't allowed to come to our home, simply because I wouldn't tolerate him telling me that.
I like your idea, though... Maybe I should "forget" that I put a big, fat, ugly nail under the tire of her car... that MY IL's bought for BM!
OOPS
I think I'd make your BS
I think I'd make your BS start doing your BD's chores for a while.... since he willingly participated in the deception.
And I agree, tit for tat, she needs something of her's that is important to her suddenly come up missing.
But I'm mean like that.
Well I hope this is just the
Well I hope this is just the start of many more blogs to come.
Love this!
Love this!
I think I would probably take
I think I would probably take her cell phone next time she is over and then "forget" about it. Oops! And yes, if she figures it out tell her its just a joke, doesnt she know what one of those is? Of course I just tend to be immature like that.
It does sound a lot like jealousy-how sad that a 19 year old young woman is jealous of an 11 year old little girl and is obviously willling to strike at her and play games.
I think I would probably take
I think I would probably take her cell phone next time she is over and then "forget" about it.
^^^This. I think I'd hide it in the toilet tank.
i hate her on your behalf.
i hate her on your behalf. who the hell does she think she is to step in and "fix" your parenting that she doesn't agree with? i would be making it damn good and clear who is the mom and who makes the decisions around there, and it's NOT her. it's disgusting that she is so jealous of an 11 year old little girl! the next time she's at your house, maybe her phone should find it's way into the toilet or dishwater, and then you can forget how it happened. }:)
The best part? I don't think
The best part? I don't think SD has EVER been told "no."
When she was 14, she went ice skating...lied to daddykins and was hanging out with gang members around the corner. (Unbelievable.)
He caught her, she screamed and yelled at him (I was in the car) told him to F*CK OFF and...
drumroll...
daddykins asked her if she wanted to have a friend come spend the night, so we drove to another town to get said child and back just so princess could have a sleepover.
Less than an hour after she told him to fuck off.
I was stunned.
If one of my kids EVER tried that with me... they'd most certainly regret it.
fdh and i caught sd in a
fdh and i caught sd in a rather large and disrespectful lie a few years ago. fdh said "i'm not happy about it." then he drove her to her bf's. :?
Nice to see you blog about
Nice to see you blog about your own life...
3little...what consequence
3little...what consequence did your own son have? I'd be a heck of a lot more furious with him then her, because you raised him...he was probably seeing you daily look for it, give chores to his sister and still said nothing. I would be pissed at sd, but a LOT more pissed at my own son to be honest.
Apparently he didn't actually
Apparently he didn't actually hide it, but SD told him after the fact that she'd hid it in his room. He didn't even know where. :? We tossed his room until we found it.
He lost privileges for awhile for not telling me that she'd hid it in there WHEN HE FOUND OUT.