You are here

Are there rules to the "disengaging" from steps?

Chefwit8's picture

Submitted by Chefwit8 on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 6:51am

Ok so when Dh & I are both home, I ignore my ss10&12. frankly they ignore me too, I let DH , do EVERYTHING for them & I care for our bio's ages 7,5&3. I observe how my ssons get away with so much!! Still I dont complain, or discipline them in no manner, half the time im.in my room away from all of the family...miserable right?! Im a SAHM and its kinda hard to "ignore" them when DH is at wrk frm 6am-7pm. Last night DH was sleep by 10pm, I was up in our bed & it had to be 11:30 or,latr & I hear my ssons laughing, talkn,joking VERY LOUDLY! Now I dont mind them staying up late howver I preach about common courtesy and etc....they knew they were loud bcuz when I approached the stairs to reprimand them I could hear them talking about me & how I was gona come in their room & fuss!! Ok so now as I get closer to their room I hear my oldest stepson jus cussin like its normal vocab!! (he was telling his brother bout something @ school & I heard him use B*xxh 2x) they all were laughing &carrying on...my 2 ssons & my BS14(previous relationship)...so im LIVID NOW!! I enter the room "OH SO THIS IS HOW YOU TALK?? B*xxh this and B*xxh that?" SS12> "We all was cussing!!" Me>"OH OK, WELL SINCE YOU ALL WANT TO CUSS, STAY UP IN YOUR ROOM FOR THE WEEK & CUSS ALL YOU WANT!! Dont ask me for nothing, no psp, no xbox, no Dsi nothing!!!" SS10> "i wasnt cussing, that was them!" Me>" it doesnt matter...u were clearly up in here laughing VERY LOUDLY& since you were entertained, the same punishment for you!!" Then I sent my BS14 to his own room. Oh did I mention my BD3 was sleep in the bed with my ss10...she gets n his bed bcuz she geys scared sometimes at nite...i say that because she has been saying the B word frequently & for the life of me & my DH we didnt know where it was coming from!! Now aftr all of that I come back to my room & cry myself to sleep. Why,because I know my DH wont do ENOUGH to fix this & ONCE again I find myself in a situation where im always the parent to catch my ssons doing something wrong...ALWAYS! So I wear the crown for EVIL STEPMOM!! Was I wrong for repremanding them, should I have ignored?? I dont know how to fully disengage without letting them get away with it all!! Ugh! Plz help!!

Comments

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 7:08am

Dignifying it was where I went wrong, responding in kind was another thing I did wrong. I am sad to say that it could have been handled better on my part. What I NOW know is to let it slide and not give them the upper hand. It's very, very, difficult to keep quiet when all that is going on. I think I might have wakened their dad up to deal with them, however innefectively he did it he was still AWAKE to hear it. If his sleep is disturbed often enough he'll get the message! It's hugely frustrating though, I feel for you. I'd punish ALL of them, your bk's too since they were partaking. The three year old? Can I suggest putting her back into her own bed repeatedly and using a saftey gate at her door. It might be worth a night or two of being disturbed not to have her influenced by the older ones...it's not entirely her fault...baby see baby do, right?
OR!!!! I'd check that DH is really asleep. I'd snuggle up to him like I wanted something and then tell him the kids need to be dealt with first.
The road to a man's heart is NOT through his stomach!

Chefwit8's picture

Submitted by Chefwit8 on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 7:33am

Right! I agree with you both, the relentless disengagement is a struggle for me..im in beginning stages so to speak lol! And yes I do use my skids as examples to my younger bios!! Thats one reason why im EVIL! However consiatency on my partis not a factor...my DH is not! Im seeing more n more everyday that we dont parent the same way. Now in the past, there has other times where I have awoke my DH & told him what was going on,he jumped up & fussed & screamed @ them then came back to bed & was mad at me!! Aftr about the 3rd time of that, I stopped "reporting" to him as he called it. oh and I think I have unintentionally disengaged frm my DH.