This is my first time reaching out to a forum but it was recommeded to me as a way of getting support and help. I am 26, my boyfriend is 24. He has two daughters ages 3 and 5. Their mother is unfit do to drug use and negelect. She only shows up for about two hours a month if that, and its to give the kids toys, candy and tell them how much mommy loves them. Then she dissapears into the drug haze for however long need be. She and I do not get along, nor do I wish to as my earlier attempts sparked violence and verbal threats/abuse. She has stolen from me personally, damaged my property while in my house, and has stolen from the children. For 5 years she has tried to drive a wedge in between my boyfriend and I. At times it has worked. She doesn't have a job, has not looked for a job, because she self states she doesnt have to work when losers like you (meaning me) will pay taxes which in turn pay her. My boyfriend lost his job in August and has been struggling to find one, working whatever he can whereever he can. I work 12 hour days. We struggle, and yet she doesnt care. She couldn't care less if we have money for heat or electricity, and does not offer to help. My boyfriend and I never get any time alone as we can not leave the girls with just anyone. They can be terrible. It breaks my heart to say that, I love them to death, but they really are. All they do is fight with each other, hurt each other, injure me, and the animals. They talk back, the 3 year old injures herself, they hurt the animals, break things (have destroyed several things of mine that I held dear and thought I had hidden), and are constantly back talking me and getting attitudes with simple requests. The 3 year old will even defy me by urinating in the middle of the kitchen floor when she is fully potty trained. The 5 year old "accidently" kicked me in the face, give me a black eye. They won't do simple chores that are age appropriate either.
Their father does what he can, but this behavior only really occurs when he is not there. And it is not all the time either. Mostly only after they see their mother or speak with her if and when she calls.

I do not want this to sound like i am being whiny. I love these girls with all of my heart and would and will do anything for them. I just am at the end of my rope.

I have a strong feeling that the 5 year old has more then one learning dissability (and yes the mother was an active drug user when she was pregnant with both). I want to get her tested but so far I have met resistance with my boyfriend and her mother. The 3 year old I know has emotional disorders. And some of them are heavy hitters. This is only by my own diagnosis but I have also discussed the behaviors with teh psychologists I work with and they agree. Unfortunately again, when I mention this I am told she is only 3.

Am I the only one with these issues? I often feel like I am. When I tried to discuss the problems with family or friends I am either brushed off or told to just break up with him and move out. It has been going on for months.