So,
After my last entry about the problems with adult SD and her refusal to acknowledge me as DH's wife,the time to discuss having all adult SK's over for dinner is drawing nearer.
I received some great advice from Stepaside,Emotionallybeatup,and lots of other ladies,thank goodness for this site,I may not post often,but I am on here every day,it is a huge source of support!
Sk's never visit anymore anyway,SS has broken off ALL contact,and SD has visited here twice in over two years,and instead,invites DH over to her place.DH also has another adult child (not biologically his),but,this one has only ever visited twice before.
The last time they were all here,together,they sat around my dinner table whilst I was cooking for them,and began to tell my DH how tired he looked,how they were concerned and worried about him,and,indirectly,how our relationship was destroying him(my husband used to tell them about our marriage problems,which was,of course,music to their ears).I didn't let on that I could hear everything that was being said,but I didn't need to anyway,because DH entered the kitchen and pretty much repeated everything they had said,.......the sad part,is that he misread this situation totally,he was so 'moved' by their concern for him,that he had tears In his eyes,I just stood there,shocked,I knew EXACTLY what they were doing,but,I kept quiet,served them their food,and carried on being the perfect host (through gritted teeth).So,whilst making sure that I no longer give any of them my head space,I am,however,asking myself how I can protect ME from their next visit (should it even take place),and,how I am sending out a message that I am NOT going to let them even think that I am remotely interested in a war with them(it's a long story,but,in a nutshell,they have never been able to accept me,I have been called names,BD was bullied by SD at one point,BM was a nightmare,and so,in the end when they realised they could not drive a permanent wedge between myself and DH,they decided to exclude me totally,whilst still making passive aggressive attempts to let me know my place)
This time,the royal visit is going to be totally different.I,for one,am NOT going to be cooking one of my special meals,DH is welcome to cook,but,I refuse to slave over a hot stove for hours whilst listening to them sit around the table and play games with DH......it is too demeaning,I don't think I would be able to sit and then watch them gobble down my food.I plan to busy myself,I will be polite,say ,'hello',and,'goodbye',I will be polite when/if spoken to,however,I will not be putting myself out for any of them anymore,they are not,and never have been part of MY inner circle,they do not care for me,and I do not care for them,they do not like me,they do not want me to be married to their father,they cannot hide the contempt they feel for me,and I know it,they have made sure of that,so,I will make sure that conversation is polite and civil,but that is all they get from me now.My goal,is to be,'indifferent',my expectations from them,are nothing more than to be polite,civil and respectful to me whilst in my home,but,I am sure that the ,'pack', mentality will be too tempting for SD to completely hold her to tongue,we will see,but if I am right,I will take action and be sending out a very clear message that the games are over,and I WILL be respected in my own home,............I no longer care what they think about me,I no longer care about the things they say about me,I couldnt give two hoots,but,if they want to step foot in my home,they had better learn that I am no longer here to be trampled on.
I will keep you posted! X