*here's a letter I'll never send that i'm writing as an "anger management" technique*

BM:

You already HAD the perfect life, and you couldn't appreciate it because no one will feel sorry for a woman with a perfect life.

You had an attractive, smart, charming husband with a great job and the best education money can buy. You had a family of inlaws who actually believed your whole victim act and who all pledged to do anything in their power to make your life more bearable. You had the genius first son who was calm and well behaved and who you had to take zero responsibility for because everyone knew how hard it was for you to deal with things . . . so they took care of him for you. You had, and still have, a large extended family of rich people who swore themselves to your happiness and your bank account. You had a spouse who told you he'd raise your child, go to work, take care of the house, and do everything else because you had so much trouble dealing with the everyday struggles of basic life.

There is nothing in this equation that should have made happiness--or general satisfaction--unattainable.

You just didn't want it. Being a victim was, and still is, more important to you than the chance to be a happy person.

So:

You couldn't "deal" with your husband who bent over backwards for you because he eventually stopped feeling sorry for you.

You couldn't "deal" with your genius son who was well behaved because he had needs that had to be fulfilled and poor you developed post partum depression.

You couldn't "deal" with your inlaws because they didn't have as much money as your family and sometimes they actually cared about what happened to DH

You couldn't "deal" with your financies because the interest created by your trust fund just wasn't enough to buy a mercedes.

You couldn't "deal" with DH's friends because they cared about him before they felt sorry for you.

And, go figure, your endless negativity and refusal to support your perfect life in any way eventually led to a big fat tragic divorce.

If you realize that you've been working as hard as you possibly can for almost two decades to make people feel sorry for you, well, you have to see that you've finally got the life you wanted.

You can say you're a poor single mom . . . and people will feel sorry for you.

You can say you lost the love of your life . . . and people will feel sorry for you.

You can say some other woman is raising your kids . . . and people will feel sorry for you.

While you will probably go on trying to fool the rest of the world with the theater show, you should stop wasting your time trying to fool DH, and you should definitely stop trying to fool me.

You had everything a person can ask for, and you pissed it away in self pity and greed. I don't feel sorry for you. There is almost nothing that could happen to you that would illicit sympathy from me. I am the one picking up the pieces of the family you threw out a ten story window. I am the one dealing with a DH who feels guilty and confused about his children's lives. I am the one dealing with two kids with abandonment issues. I am the one dealing with a pack of self deluding inlaws whose first priority is to feel sorry for the woman who "can't handle" her own children who she conceived on purpose against her husband's wishes.

And, despite the heaping pile of sh!t you left in your wake, DH and I are happy. Your kids--yes, the ones who are SO DIFFICULT you just can't handle them--are generally wonderful and happy when they are with us, which thanks to your selfishness is most of the time. All the shattered little puzzle pieces you keep throwing out the window are actually keys to doors you will never open. The kids . . . the key to actually being a mom. The husband . . . the key to actually being a wife.

You literally pissed away life most people only dream of having, and, as usual, you're feeling pretty sorry for yourself about the whole thing.