SS Birthday: I just agreed to go to BM's for SS birthday party. Ugh
It's been four years since the divorce. Neither DH nor myself have ever been invited to a birthday party for the boys at BM's. This year she invited us both through an email, and we figured we would ignore it until SS6 started asking us pretty much every day if we were going to his birthday party at his mom's house. There is open hostility between DH and BM (he told her she was a piece of shit three weeks ago, which is true), so I have no idea what she thinks she's doing with this whole birthday fiasco.
DH feels to guilty to tell him no. I told DH he could go by himself or invite my mother (who loves the kids) to go with him. DH doesn't want to go without me because he is worried that BM will start hitting on him or trying to be "wife-ish" in some way or another, which she inevitably does whenever I am not around.
So, I agreed on the basis that we do not ever go to another birthday party at BM's house and that DH figures out some way to explain to the kids why.
I am still mad. This is a complete set up. If DH doesn't show up, BM will tell everyone (DH's family included since they conveniently live in her ass) that DH disappointed the boys, doesn't care about them, and that they cried for days after the party. If he does show up, she will tell everyone DH insisted on invading her personal space and ruining the party by making the situation awkward for her and her family.
That's not even getting into what she'll have to say about good ole stepmom.
And since this is a small town, we will hear about whatever version of this story she wants to tell for the next six months to a year.
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Yuck. My DH and I have always
Yuck. My DH and I have always had our own birthday parties for my ss. Although we have been invited to the BM's pary for my ss, I always thought it was better for the BM to do her own thing and us ours. Good Luck!
We do our thing and BM does
We do our thing and BM does hers. If she ever did spend any money on having any type of party for SD I would fall over dead from shock!!!!
we already DID have our own
we already DID have our own party for SS6. i don't get this crap at all. iwould really REALLY rather we have separate parties. it's just that the kids are getting old enough that BM can use the kids to manipulate DH. it's a huge mess.
lol. thanks. i'd be super
lol. thanks. i'd be super stoked if BM got hit by a bus, but i realize that would create all new problems (like dead-mom worship).
i have no idea how i would handle the idolization of an absentee parent who sucked when she was actually around. it would be pretty tough.
Crazy Ass ex-BM used to do
Crazy Ass ex-BM used to do this to us. We chose to not attend at her home and we explained to the children and her why. Both families already understood why we wouldn't choose to be around her. We also explained to the children that it was their choice yearly...
2 parties - one at moms and one at dads
or
1 combined party in a neutral place (that we would provide for)
ie. park, bowling alley, play place, etc.
It made it easier and the child's choice. She put up a fight at first but that's because like your BM, she wanted time with DH, without me there and if at all possible surrounded by friends and family - hoping to remind him of "the good ol' days"....that never were.
UPDATE: haha. as soon as I
UPDATE: haha. as soon as I stopped resisting the idea, DH decided he didn't want to go after all. YES!!! he just text bitchface and told her we would not be in attendance.
i am a happy girl.
On the positive side of this
On the positive side of this your DH is awake up to her and her tactics and the best part wants you to go with him, that is good, so you are at least going as a team. You don't have much choice, as you said, you have to go because if you don't she will use it to let the child know that daddy didn't care enough to come to his birthday party.
Now maybe she woke up after he called her a piece of shit, and thought, you know what, he's right, I must be a nicer person
If that's the case, this could turn out well.
However, just in case that's not the case, as you live in a small town and think word gets around, why not start the rumour mill yourself. Start putting it out there how pleased you both are that BM has invited you both to the party, how good this will make SS feel, and whatever else you can think of to butter it up. That way if she starts saying "he invaded her personal space etc.," people will have already heard your very pleasant side of the story and know he was INVITED to invade her personal space.
Maybe carry a copy of the email around town to show everyone how happy you are
For the sake of SS I really, really hope this works out and his birthday party is not ruined for him. Good Luck.
You could show up, give the
You could show up, give the birthday presesnts, give her a fruit salad or something, exclaim "oh you have a lovely house" and after about five to ten minutes make a gracious exit. you came, you saw, you conquered. also - i hear that you may have the flu around this time for the next decade or so. pity.