FEels like i have a stalker!
I saw a mutal friend today who ask me how things where going with my 2obs dads gf. To which i said i didn't know he had one.(we have a good co-parenting relaltionship that is only about the kids ) she replied i thought you guys met when she came to your house! What! So come to find out she has been in the car for pick ups and drop offs at my house my job and different friends and family members over the holidays. I have no idea who this woman is. the fact that she knows so much,before i know her name takes me back! Makes me uneasy to tell the truth! Really feels like a stanger knows where i live work and who my family is! Crazy things went through my head like has she come into my job and talk with me? I mean she konws a person that knew me me since i was 15 what else does she know! Really i guess i'm asking does new girl get to know everything? While i know nothing? At what point(a little late as i just found out)can i say hey there needs to be boundries. I really want sm view for honest answers i dont know.
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yes this was a drop off, i
yes this was a drop off, i really don't think mutaul friends talk about me! This friend thought we had met. I understand not wanting to meet me. Going along where i might have just come out and finished a chat where clearly bd didn't inform me, not so much if she didn't want to at least see me.
I feel like your ex should at
I feel like your ex should at least give the heads up hes dating someone new and they're coming along on pick ups/ drop offs.
Mazzystar. I can say your
Mazzystar. I can say your blogs have have always rang true to me. as a bm and a sm you give good advice. Lets say bd in your case(as mine after a nine year absent we won't get into) was a part of bks life doing so well. Would you not want to be informed of who he was bringing to your house?what if they where there and you didn't know they existed??
I open the door and few words
I open the door and few words are exchanged, much less going out to the car. We have met and disscus things happening with the boys recently i'm thinking now thats a way to go. The fact that noone in the family knew of gf makes me think they were told not to say anything. Mazzystar your speaking from the heart and stay true attitude took some fire from the fight.it gave me food for thought. Thank you!
I am a BM and a soon-to-be SM
I am a BM and a soon-to-be SM and I don't really see a problem with this. If my ex were dating someone new and he'd brought her along to pickups/drop offs I would expect to be introduced - it'd be a little awkward otherwise! But it seems that her presence was so unobtrusive you didn't even know she was there! So it wouldn't bother me, no.
I go along with FDH on pickups and drop offs frequently. It isn't to scope out BM's house or workplace, it's usually because we're on our way somewhere together after drop off or were together before pickup. As MazzyStar said, I enjoy spending time with FDH. I would actually find it strange if he asked me to stay home for the exchange. It would make me wonder what is he hiding about his interaction with BM?
The very rare times while we
The very rare times while we were dating and we had ever dropped off skids or picked up at any location other than our house (BM has visitation, FDH has custody) Occasionally I've gone with. Mostly for the reasons stated above. I never had any interest in stirring anything up or creating any sort of waves so I just listened to music and played angry birds. Sometimes I didnt go at all just cuz i had no interest in BM
Well, there's another side
Well, there's another side too.
As Mazzy said, if she is around your ex (as she would be if she's his GF), your mutual friends, his family, then she would definitely learn about you whether you wanted her to or not--not necessarily that she is a stalker.
In my case, we keep me and my business as hush-hush to BM as possible. Same with FDH--it is NONE of her business who he is dating or not dating, who he is marrying or not marrying (she doesn't know we're engaged, why should she?), even where he lives most of the time (at my house), or our new real estate purchases (an OURS home), until it affects the skid, which won't be for a while. Our BM is, in fact, crazy and FDH wants her to know as little about us as possible. He has explained to his mother and the rest of his family that under no circumstances are they to talk about me to BM as it is absolutely none of her business what I do or don't do.
This is HIS choice, and how he views as protecting me from someone who is constantly attempting to play mind games with us.
Now, although my circumstances is different in that our BM is crazy, I still do not believe it is necessary (crazy or not) to inform an ex about who you are dating unless that person is causing problems. If me and FDH were ever to split and we had kids together, unless his new GF was molesting or abusing the children, I would not bother asking nor would I even feel the need to be informed about who his newest squeeze was. Even if she was being unfair to the kids, it is not my place to fight their battles for them. I'd feel bad for them, but whatever, he makes his own choices and I make mine.
Just my 2 cents.