Sensitive topic help/suggestions
Ok so sd9 is in 4th grade and will be 10 in a few weeks. To start wrapping up the health class for the year they put on a "Girls Talk" presentation at the high school to address - how do I put this? - becoming a woman. Mom's are supposed to attend with their daughters. I have talked NUMEROUS times to FDH about this and he has assured me that BM will not be in attendance for said production. I don't want to go. It is uncomfortable for me, weird for sd9 I'm sure (not so much me being there but the topic) and I pretty much feel like I have no preparation for addressing this topic whatsoever. Don't know what to say, don't know what to do. FDH is adament that he will not go, and will not have the ensuing "getting your period" talk with her. He says its up to me and I'm like errrr....hmm..
Fun facts:
Took BM 2 years to figure out sd15 got her monthly visitor. She had been using maternity pads and overnight pads left over from BMs pregnancy until BM couldn't figure out where her supplies were going and asked.
Sd15 said she was terrified at first and didn't understand what was going on despite health class and tried to hide it.
I don't want this to be the case for sd9 and I don't want her to wake up one day and SURPRISE!!! FDH doesn't want to scar her for life by having daddy give that talk. I agree. But this leaves me to do it. WHY CAN'T BM!!!!! I already know the answer.
MOMS HELP! What do I SAY to her, what do I DO? I mean I'll buy an assortment of products for that "magical" day, and show her how to use it, but how do I actually explain what is going to happen to her? My mom suggested getting her a little booklet but sd9 has a hard time applying key concepts to her own life. She'd read it, think "Oh neat information" then freak out 2 weeks later when her monthly friend showed up for the first time and have no clue what happened!
I may have a little time for this but I have this sinking feeling that I do not. Her sisters were early bloomers and she likely will be too.
I wish FDH would tell/ask BM to do it but sd15 said that her mom wouldn't even talk to her about it really. Just asked what she needed from the store. Ughhh...Why. ME!
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This is such a touchy issue.
This is such a touchy issue. I have a daughter that just turned 10. By accident I walked in on her getting dressed and noticed some hair. I freaked out and bought her this book The care and keeping of you.
http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/dp/1562476661
Yes she is my daughter so it wasn't as awkward as trying to figure out if SD 14 at the time ever got her "friend". When she was in 7th grade I went out and bought her a bunch of pads and just said keep these just in case because you don't want to be caught off guard at school or somewhere embarrassing. Then time went by and I had no idea so I had to muster up the courage to ask her but I started off complaining about my cramps to break the ice. Then it was ok and she told me but she was 14 not 9.
I was an early bloomer (age 10) so I was afraid my daughter would have no idea what the heck it is. She was horrified when I explained it to her but she did read the book and I feel a little better now. Its so hard when its not your kid!!
This is a really good book as it also talks about brushing your teeth and bathing and bras and basically everything but in kid terms.
That's right! I actually read
That's right! I actually read this book because I gave it to my sister when she was that age! Thanks for reminding me about it. I recall it being really comprehensive and easy to understand the facts. Hopefully I can get her to read it.
Also too if there is an aunt
Also too if there is an aunt or close female friend or family member you can have as a "stand in" this can help I had "the talk" with my bioD starting fairly young on what her body would be doing but told her if she EVER didn't feel comfortable coming to me she could go to her grandma or aunt. Thankfully she's pretty open with me, and when there were things she was afraid to talk to me about she went to her aunt and later talked to me about it. Sometimes raising girls it's a good idea to gather round the womenfolk makes you feel less overwhelmed. If BM will be a no show someone (female that you trust) should be there with her.
Sadly all the womenfolk that
Sadly all the womenfolk that are related to her besides her mom, and older sisters (who would just make her scared about it to be mean) live out of state! There's my mom but I don't know that that is any better
She likes my mom but I feel like it might be embarrassing for her. Our family is really really good friends with our daycare lady (she's my best friend) and she is great with kids. sd9 has taken a real liking to her but idk if she would feel like that crosses the line having our friend come along.
I second "The Care and
I second "The Care and Keeping of You" I got this for SD last year, when she started showing signs of err... maturing... I told her that if she ever wanted to talk or had questions about what was in the book I was open to her.
Believe it or not, we have had quite a few "mini talks" and I think this has been less traumatic than one big "THE TALK" and more on her terms, when she is ready for the info.
Does she look up to her older
Does she look up to her older sister and cousins? If so, get them to help out.
How about having her buddy up
How about having her buddy up with a friend? I'm sure the other moms would be happy to help out.
Ummm, isn't the program at
Ummm, isn't the program at school going to talk about this? And most girls by 4th or 5th grade know what a period is. The more uncomfortable you are with this, the more awkward the conversation will be. But I do think DH should do this as it is his kid. My DH raised his daughter alone from age 6, and you can believe that he talked to her about EVERYTHING.
I really think your DH should
I really think your DH should step up to the plate on this one. It strikes me as ridiculous that he is trying to shove the responsibility of teaching his daughter absolutely necessary information off on you because of gender. He should also think about the message that this decision will send her.
At the most, all three of you should sit down together and talk about it. DH and I have already decided this will probably be the way we go about it if/when we ever have a girl. The way you (and your DH) handle this now will probably set her attitude about her body for at least a decade.
Try to remember there are quite a few cultures in which menstruation is not a taboo, and some which actually celebrate a girl's first period.
My mother had a hysterectomy when I was about 3, so when I got my period it was pretty traumatic. I was not close to any other female relatives, and it was taboo to talk to other girls, so I became an alien in my own household. My mother tried to talk to me about it here and there, but she had been severely anorexic most of her life and had never developed full fledged periods as a result. I spent most of my teen years worried that there was something really wrong with my body.
I can't stress enough how important it is to normalize your SD's experiences with maturing at this point.
If your DH is convinced that being squeamish is more important than being a parent, try to team up with SD's older sister and have the talk--all three of you.
Another thing you can do is make menstruation an everyday, normal topic of conversation. This may sound pretty extreme, but the more relaxed the family is about women's bodies and bodily functions the more relaxed SD will be with the ways her body changes.
My poor SD13 was told stories
My poor SD13 was told stories since she was a little girl of how when she turned 12 she would start and all the details. BM said since she started at 12 then so would SD. SD spent all last year just waiting for it to happen. She had one month where she had a little spotting and BM blew up SO's phone demanding that he go to be by SD's side. He said NO lol. I said what does BM want you to do teach her how to use a pad?? BM made the biggest fuss about it for nothing. After that I talked to SD and said everyone is different and there is no set age that it happens. I showed her where the supplies where at our house and that was that. She was really relieved and only asked a few questions.
Get her this
Get her this book...
http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/dp/1562476661/r...
The Care and Keeping of You - American Girl Book
I don't have a daughter, but I purchased this for my niece (and loser at the time), years ago...around age 9-10 or so...my sister LOVED IT! And her daughter, and my DH's daughter LOVED it too! It has pics, it is simple, it talks about many things, not just periods, etc...and they can read it at their leisure...it is truly a great book for girls. Check out the wonderful reviews on it...over 400 all great...
Good luck!
I dont have problem with
I dont have problem with getting or talking about periods, what is upsetting to me is that I have no biokids of my own to prepare me and sd9 is very niave about these things and I just feel like it isnt my place. thats the discomfort, being at this school thing and not being mom which is already difficult for her with explaining when people ask etc. I disagree, dh should NOT be the one to do it. If he had to he could but sd9 is sensitive and shy about personal ttopics and she would be more comfortable discussing it with a woman. Sd15 and I talk about necessity for personal items out in the open or crabbiness about it, but I feel like it isn't my place to have this sort of conversation. Im not her mom! I ordered the book, and mini talks sounds excellent. Thanks for the tips!
I think if the school is
I think if the school is teaching it, why do you have to do it too? Maybe ask her if she has any questions, get her the book, and you are done?
No one ever talked with me about this. I read books and learned in school and suffered no trauma or ill effects from it.!!!
One of the key things in
One of the key things in giving these talks is to act confident, even if you aren't. I'm not shy about these things at all, but I can understand how it would be uncomfortable for some people. Anyway, if you seem confident, then your SD shouldn't feel weird about it. Kids pick up on these vibes. You can find websites for advice and age-appropriate information. I also like the Care and Keeping of You book that was mentioned earlier. Just give the facts in an everyday conversation tone and ask SD if she has any questions. If she doesn't at that time, then she may come up with some later, so let her know you're available to talk whenever she wants to. My SD just turned 8 and we've already started talking about puberty and the changes that are going to happen to her.