My SO described my disengagement a long time ago as "oh you don't like something so you just pack up your toys and go home"

Whatever story they want to tell themselves. They still aren't really parenting their children. They are friend's with their children.

Yep, DH has told me the same thing.. that I am the adult, so I should just let things go, shouldn't get worked up about getting treated like crap. I told him apparently in his world, being a kid is a free pass to act as awful as you want and that everyone else should just let it go or be labled childish... kind of a circular reference.. hmmmm...

Anyway, don't feel bad, ALOT of us deal with this!

i've never been called childish, but fdh told me that I should be the one trying harder to make the (non-existent) relationship work. he expects more out of me because i'm an adult. well if sd had been 5, i might be able to understand that. but this was said when she was 16. i met her when she was 12. i'm not going to bend over backwards to make an asshole skid like me. if she's gonna treat me like crap, i'm gonna treat her like she doens't exist. these kids have to learn that their atrocious behavior has consequences sometime!

don't let dh make you feel bad. he's probably just mad because due to your disengagement, he has to step up and maybe even be the "bad guy" once in a while! you are doing nothing wrong, and you aren't childish for protecting your sanity.

"Listen, I have a moral compass that is telling me that your parenting skills are lacking. You don't agree and I don't want to argue; therefore, I will pull back." ?

LOVE THIS! MY BF tries to make me feel guilty. Sorry - not gonna happen. I don't often have to disengage but when situations arise where I feel my input will be totally lost, I check out. Later! Not going to be blamed or roped into any BS when the SS tries to pull his sh*t. Have fun with that, Dad. Wow - sorry you actually have to step up to the plate and handle your business.

I've disengaged for the most part and I never said anything, I don't even think SO has really caught on that I have either.

Yep and "jealous" as well. Mind you, Prince Hygiene (SS9) has PASed out over a home cooked meal almost 2 1/2 years ago and yet:

1. GG just the other day called me "jealous" of PH
2. GG wouldn't admit that his kids lie and make up stories about me (i reminded him of the time they lied on the CPS report and most recently PH lied to the Behemoth clan that he got sent back to his house 2 1/2 years ago b/c he was "eating too slowly" at our house; not that he was being rude and disgusting; a total bald faced lie**)

** for those of you newbies who are wondering why GG just didn't just send him to bed without supper for so violently protesting, GG isn't "allowed" to discipline or parent; he's only an on-the-fly non-parental status babysitter per the BM (Behemoth) Oh and the Behemoth WORKS as a CPS worker.

DH would like me to do things for his son (24) that the boy's mother won't do.

She has a very good job and a home that is paid for. So why am I supposed to be "helping" him financially?

She's the whore who spread her legs using no birth control and spawned this waste of space.

When I told DH that I was stepping back and disengaging from SD16 because she is disrespectful, rude, entitled and spoiled, his response was, "Do you know how hard that is going to make it for me?" Yep, but I was sick of taking on all of the crap that I had to deal with every day considering the way SD16 treats me. He then asked me if it was because I was jealous of SD16. OmG, that was it. I had to walk away.