How can BM undo everything we teach our daughter!?
I am sooooo irritated!!!
EVERY time we get my SD back from BM she is rude, has NO manners, and gives the dirtiest looks I have ever seen on a child. My SD is three and she is a complete sweetheart but for the first couple of days after we get her back from BM she DEMANDS evrything. SD knows that when she is here she has to ask for things politely, please, thank you, all of that good stuff. After the firt couple of days she gets back into routine, and everything is perfect. She is sweet to me she always says "I love you" to me...
BM doesn't discipline my SD AT ALL, and it bugs the freaking crap outta me!! SD is the worst behaved child when she is with BM, It's like she is a completely different kid. And SD also acts like she has something against me when we first get her back...when I ask her to do something, she looks at me like "Who the fu$k do you think you are!?" and I have to tell her "wipe that look off of your face, or you are gonna be in trouble." She gives some of the same looks that her BM gives my husband, and it makes my stomach turn, a part of me wants to slap the look off of SD's face (even though I wouldn't really do it) She even says things to me like, " My OTHER mommy (meaning BM) is coming to get me soon, SHE IS!!" as if she is trying to convince me of something....IDK if her BM is putting it in her head that she shouldn't like me, i'm not her real mom, or if SD can tell that her BM is a piece of shit so SD is being defensive of BM!? idk...but i'm tired of getting back a different kid than the one I drop off at BM's. UGHHHH! What should I do??
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It's pretty normal, IMO when
It's pretty normal, IMO when boundaries aren't set...
It's going to take time for your SD to get used to living between two houses...
My SD did the same thing. 5 years in and she's JUST now getting it...Seriously...DH maintains that it's her responsibility as she grows up to learn what is and isn't expected and each house. We've been very consistent with communicating what is and isn't acceptable...It's taken her a while to learn it, but she knows when she walks through our door, she's got to leave the foolishness from her mom outside...Also, DH stayed involved with making sure SD learned that her behavior and negativity wasn't acceptable...
The same has to go for your SD...It's going to take time as she grows up, and with consistency from DH and you, she'll learn the "rules of engagement" within your home and relationship...
Yea SD is with me and dad for
Yea SD is with me and dad for one week then BM for one week, so it's like SD just gets back into routine a few days before she goes to BMs house...
^^^Yup... We only have SD
^^^Yup...
We only have SD every other weekend, and every other Thurs. to Friday...
When we have her on the weekends, there was probably a couple a years where she would be a MONSTER all the way up until Sunday...Seriously...DH used to agonize over how long it would take for her to "act right" and mellow out...It used to be so bad that we couldn't let her go to children's church on Sundays when we went to church...She had to sit with us...Over time, she got better, the last "round" was the conversation on the way to the house where DH would have to talk to her about her behavior...and what was and wasn't acceptable, etc...Like he had a check list...it was wild...But she's got it down pretty well right now...and I'm pretty proud of her considering how nuts her mother is and the crazy stuff she "feeds" her...
SD knows what is acceptable
SD knows what is acceptable at our house but I think she likes to "test the waters" and see if i'll let her walk all over me like she does with her BM. I guess only time will tell! I hope it gets better and not worse!
Ah she is 3. My 3 yr odl
Ah she is 3. My 3 yr odl grand daughter swaps between 2 houses and she sorta does the same thing. Has some little quirky behavioural things she learnt at her Dads. And when DD would discipline her she would cry and want her Dadddyyyyyy.
Actually the funniest time was when her behav. psychologist gave them the 3 pennies method to get her to stay in bed. One night she lost all 3 pennies bnecause she kept getting up. When she lost the LAST penny she had an almighty meltdown and my DD called me so I could listen "I want my dolly! I want my Daddy! I WANT MY PENNY AND I WANT IT NOW!" It was so freaking funny!
Just "Mary Poppins" her. "Excuse me, we do NOT behave like that. We smile and say Thank You"
She only tries it on because she is getting the attention she lacks at her mothers place. And she knows you love her regardless whereas her mother MAY be telling her she doesn't have to listen to you.
When SD17 was younger, I
When SD17 was younger, I noticed that her grades would fall through the floor for the week leading up to a visit with BM, and the week after she returned. SD17 would begin humming/singing softly to herself for the better part of the week before a visit. Visits were once a month for a long weekend, when school had a day off on Friday or Monday. In class, she had to keep a daily journal. When I would look at the dates, her handwriting regressed to illegible for the week before a visit with BM. After she'd return to us, she'd spend a week getting "readjusted" to our house/routine and then would be back to herself.
That's how SD17 dealt with it. We were consistent. We offered her a stable, loving home. We offered her support and guidance. Did all of the right things.
Now that she is older, she still hums to herself before a visit, or when something is going on with her BM. Usually, during a visit with BM, the two of them still plot against me. I have told SD17, over and over again through the years, that NO MATTER WHAT she does/plans the TRUTH will come out in some form or fashion. IT will all be OK and I will love her no matter what she does/says.
I realized I would have to just get through this with SD when BM screamed at BD17 (while SD had her on speaker phone in front of me) that she "NEVER has to listen to that BITCH! If it's 5:55pm and you are hungry, and Icecube is making dinner, YOU EAT. You are allowed to eat whatever you want, whenever you want. She feeds your sister! Look at her!! She's a FAT PIG!" My BD was 1 year old at the time.
At that moment, I was done with BM. And, I resigned myself that I wasn't going to make a difference in SD17's life.