Right or Wrong?
My bf's BM tells him she wants to be able to pick my bf up or him meet her and FSD places. But im not allowed to come. Wants the FSD to see them get along. Is it wrong for me to tell him thats disrespectful to me? That FSD can come to the house like shes been doing? BM says that he has to have a relationship with her and FSD in order to see the FSD. I say he act civil when he talks to BM but thats it. I dont think he should have to go places when FSD can come to the house and he dont even like being around BM. BM wants to be able to have him go to the beach and her families family outtings and stuff like that and im not allowed to go which i wouldnt want to but the point is she wants a relationship like they are still together just so the FSD can see them get along when most of the time they dont. Am i wrong to tell him that aint gonna happen and i feel its direspectful if it did?
Not saying this as in he wants to go but BM will throw FSD in his face and make him feel guilty about not seeing FSD enough. And BM always wants him to go to her house to see FSD and not let him pick her up sometimes.
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When ours did that it was
When ours did that it was really a ploy to try and get him back only because she was jealous that he moved on finally. Truly, it was eventually followed with invites to her house for dinner as well as love letters and texts... a year after SHE left HIM.... Be careful.
His BM has done the same all
His BM has done the same all that u said shes done and she said she has changed but i still dont trust that she wont try something. She started this bout 6 months after we started dating and has been drama ever since. She was sleeping with someone else and moved him in and then wanted my bf back when he moved on. But thanks i didnt want to feel like i was coming between him n his daughter but i think thats just crazy.
no, you're absolutely right.
no, you're absolutely right. Stand your ground and demand respect. Even if you have to share stories of some of your support system to prove a point!
I went through this 100%
I went through this 100% seriously. BM even sat by him at an event where SD was singing and I sat across the table. Talk about infuriating. Long story short, he ended up asking me not to stay at his house every other weekend when he had the kids and I ended up straying. Don't let her control you, it will make you insane. And yes, by controlling him, she is controlling you. And it has nothing to do with your FSD, it has everything to do with her control and her desire to want what she now can't have...
You have every right to
You have every right to demand respect. The BM is the one who needs to get a life and realize that your BF is no longer hers. Children need to see their parents get along- but there are plenty of chances to do that during the everyday exchanges and conversations they will have.
My BF has 3 grown daughters- and he initially was guilt-ed into going to "family" dinners when mom came to town. Of course anything involving BM means I am not invited and my name is avoided like the plague. I used to get very hurt and jealous- afraid there was some ulterior motive among his kids.(now I am CONVINCED!)
I think seeing them together will confuse the kids (even as adults). It may give them false hope that their parents can still get along and why shouldn't they should be together. Now that he has moved on, the kids (children and adults) need to see that their parents are no longer part of each other lives but can still get along for the kids' sake. This does not mean your BF spending all this time with her, the SD and her "family". I think there has to be more to it than just wanting the SD to see them get along. If she was in another relationship- I can't see any man tolerating her spending so much time with an EX- and Neither should you!!!
When I used to find out about all the times my BF and his EX Met- times that had nothing to do with the kids- I seen it as betrayal- plain and simple. I don't mind the occasional "family dinner" after some event- like a school event or something- but not JUST Because. 3 years ago the BM was on a mission to get her husband back- and she would stop at nothing. If they are spending all this time together- even if BF SAYS he can't stand her- it could lead to other things like secret emails, secret texts, and secret conversations. Men are easily flattered by attention- even if it's from a crazy EX. Stand your ground and let him know how you feel. There is no need for them to be spending time alone- it's not fair for the SD or you. The message it is sending is very confusing- for you and her.
BBGF
Thank u and i too feel it
Thank u and i too feel it would confuse SD too. But he used to meet her when she was acting like a crazy stalker cause she would tell him he couldnt see SD if he didnt. And i knew but he hasnt done it behind my back that i know of but then again i would know cause BM would try to throw it in my face somehow but thanks again glad im not alone on this.
I don't even think occasional
I don't even think occasional family dinners are appropriate under any circumstance unless you are considered part of the family as well and allowed to be there, and if she says you are as if to call your bluff - GO. Show he she has NO CONTROL.
I dont either hahahasyyke but
I dont either hahahasyyke but BM will try her best to throw that child in his face. LOL she even suggested he move in with her and can still see me lmao and when i asked what her problem was she said i could move in too. Crazy, carzy, crazy.
If both bioparents are
If both bioparents are reasonable and can work together it is a good thing. But, this BM is manipulative, controling, far from reasonable and is doing nothing but trying to control your BF. IMHO.
I would make damned sure that this crap stops now or I for sure would not stay in the relationship with your BF.
I never once allowed my DW to face the vitriolic, manipulative toxic crap of the SpermClan unless I was there to have her back. They knew that to start shit with her was to start shit with me and they for sure did not want to risk that. When they did risk it, they always ended up paying for decision.
Good luck.
Thanks and i totally agree
Thanks and i totally agree with u.
He needs to follow a CO to
He needs to follow a CO to the letter. Nothing more...Otherwise why did they separate/divorce...Sounds like she still wants to be a happy family.
OMG....NOWAY GO FOR THAT! I
OMG....NOWAY GO FOR THAT! I dont go anywhere with my Ex. and we have a child. Its not necessary. Excuse me but she wants to sit next to your man and leave you across the table. HEll NO!!! And being around her Family. I understand making the children feel whole but I believe you will be feeling empty if this continues. Put a stop to it. It just sounds so cruel to do to you. And never underestimate the Ex.
WRONG. Period. They can get
WRONG. Period. They can get along without having to spend time together. Ridiculous and I wouldn't allow it!
You need to be firm with this
You need to be firm with this because as you have experienced, you give an inch and they take a mile with these kinds of situations. I am so sick of the "we just want the kid to see we get along" crap. Please. Let's be let's here, stop trying to trick the kid into a false reality.
The whole sitting across the table from the two of them? Oh no no no . If that were me I would have told the two of them to enjoy their poor excuse for a family unit and that I was going to be with someone with whom I could be proud to be seen in public with.
Yes i agree with all of u and
Yes i agree with all of u and will indeed tell him that thats not ok with me and it will not be happening. Which im sure he wont have a problem with but the BM will but to bad. BM tells me that she should come first cause they were married and have a kid and i told her i come second to no one and that he treats me and his D equally and BM tries to make it a competition between me an SD. Like if he buys me something BM is like that should be going towards my child. But BF pays his child support and buys D stuff. Its my business what my BF buys me and she makes it out like he dont buy D stuff or pay child support.