I would start putting some type of indentifying (only to you) mark on stuff that you know she is likely to steal from your daughter and yourself. Like maybe take blue nailpolish and put a little speck somewhere only you know where it is. When SD steals your stuff, show DH the evidence.

If he would STILL blow it off, then I would probably be done.

I would put a lock on the door. Stops him from accusing you of being crazy and her from getting away with the behavior.

I've dealt with this exact thing. My SD's stealing problem was so bad I had to put locks on our bedroom and another bedroom where we keep valuables. When we leave town and SD stays at BM's house, we combo lock the front door because of her inability to stay away from the house when we're gone. She's stolen her dad's cell phone (and got rid of it), a set of keys which were very hard to replace, clothes, money, etc. At first, we put an inexpensive lock on our bedroom door, only to find months later she had been picking it with a credit card. Now we've improved the lock and I don't think she's been in here. I never leave my purse, cell phone or keys outside my room; I even take my purse in the bathroom with me when she's home. She's been known to steal my clothes out of the dirty laundry as well.

This has been a source of unbelievable stress for me and SO. The situation improved, unexpectedly, about three weeks ago. What happened was this: SO gave SD an ultimatum. He told her she could make a choice: do drugs or live with us. If she chooses to to drugs, she has to move out. Remarkably, she's improved markedly since then. No tantrums, no stealing, no sneaking out at night to our knowledge. She's had a few blow ups at SO, but NOTHING compared with what she used to do.

It's important for your DH to draw a line with her. He can't keep excusing her behavior. That will only encourage her. It should not be "choice between you and her," because when it comes down to it, what's good for you is what's good for SD too. It's not good for you to be stolen from and disrespected; it's not good for her to steal and disrespect.

How old is your SD? Is living with mom an option? Think of something that is very important to her. She needs a consequence... a real one... the next time she steals. Her dad needs to let her know stealing is unacceptable.

In my SD's case, drugs were a contributing factor. She was taking from us to buy pot. We tried everything to fix the symptoms but not the problem. Then it dawned on us: make her stop doing drugs or leave.

In the case of the money, I marked bills with a black marker so she couldn't deny it when caught. It's embarrassing for a kid to be caught stealing, but calling her out needs to happen. She needs to be accountable to someone. Your DH is not helping her by co-signing her bullshit.

Good luck.

This sounds exactly like our SD. We had to keep our room and bathroom under lock and key, even when she was supposed to be with her mother. Of course, both door frames ended up broken and every screen in the house ruined from her breaking in. I had to keep a very close eye on laundry to make sure it was in, out, and back in our room before she could steal my clothes. Even when caught red-handed, she'd deny having stolen. When I'd show her the receipt, she'd cry and go into hysterics saying it was hers, or she borrowed it from a friend and would be in trouble if she didn't give it back. It was really sick.

Your husband needs to understand that this is a fight worth fighting, and he needs to stand up for you each and every time. Having to keep all of your belongings under lock and key is no way to live, believe me. That is not something you should have to do! It got to the point where I didn't feel safe in my own home.