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The skids need more help than the bios are offering

baseballgirly's picture

Submitted by baseballgirly on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 2:24pm

My SS10 is signed up for councelling and should be going soon. I've mentioned again and again to SO that he needs help. I'm not sure what it took for BM to realize it, but he is signed up to go now. So that is one good thing. It's not a victory for me since that poor child is the only one that suffered in the meantime... but at least me being on the outside really can see inside at what a child needs. I'm not actually clueless about children just because I don't have any (as SO points out in our arguements)

One other thing I want the skids to get attention for though... SS10 again... he's 2 years behind in his reading still. Just last year the school put him in a special class for half days for 6 weeks. Pulling him from other classes to go to a special reading class is pretty serious. You'd think it's a big deal. So why doesn't SO even know how it all turned out??? Why can't he answer "is he improving?" "Is he going again this year?" Why haven't either parent looked for or signed him up for a tutor??? Why are they waiting for the school to do it?!?!?!?!?!? IT MAKES ME SOOOO MAD!!!! The skids are in daycare each and every afternoon for an hour after school. Why not have a tutor with him for that hour a day instead of waiting to get the school to take him out of regular classes to take a special reading class?!!?

It is true. Only the children suffer.

The kids are both going into indoor soccer. That is on the weekends!!!!!!!!! Smile Smile That means they won't be around as much!!! Smile Smile Smile

Comments

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 2:40pm

It's pure laziness. I deal with that from both parents of skids as well. Drove me batty until I disengaged. I had to tell my SO that his kids have two parents, I'm not one of them. If either one of them don't care enough about their children to do these things, why should I? The truth hurt, and he stepped up. Seems to be waning a bit now, tho.

Doubletakex3's picture

Submitted by Doubletakex3 on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 3:17pm

I have the same issue here. SD10 is in reading classes too. She had a hard time reading greeting cards at the store. When I told FDH what I observed he said, "she's only a kid" and I responded with, "greeting cards are not written in advanced English!" SD is having a hard time with social studies this year. Wonder why? Probably because she can't read and comprehend the work!

My stepmother is a retired teacher and does things with SD...she's planning to help her with reading. I bought a few Shel Silverstein books (which SD loves) for them to read together. That's all I can do and will do. FDH has a hard time reading too so I suspect he is embarrassed. I would think he'd go out of this way so that his kids don't suffer the same as he has.

I so don't get it. But I was raised by teachers and learning was a big deal in our house. Do or die.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 3:39pm

I suspect your SO is like a lot of men. He leaves the educational stuff to the 'mother' because that is the way HE was brought up. And if the BM is as useful as he is then it isn't HIS fault is it???

And by being helpless means 'someone' (namely you) will rush in and save the day and take over. There is a 2-fold reason for this ... if the kids fail it is YOUR fault, if they succeed he made a better choice in SM than BM for them. So he is absolved of all guilt all the way around.

I completely understand how frustrating it is for you to stand by and watch the kids self destruct educationally when some assistance from their lazy parents would have them streaking ahead. My DHs hands were tied with a divorce decree that allowed his ex to make all the decisions or have final approval. She was an mother ostrich. She didn't see the damage her sophmore son was doing to himself that had him stoned or drunk thru his final 2 years of h/school. DH couldn't even contact OSS and with DHs heart condition he gave up. The stress would have killed him. And I sat by just getting angrier and angrier that one of them wouldn't step up and DH stop playing the victim and BM stop being a freaking ostrich and a spade is a spade and not a digging instrument for the harvesting of produce.

But... I didn't write their life-script. I ended up just teaching myself over 2 months that this is their legacy to the world and not mine. I even considered changing my name back to my maiden name so I wouldn't be associated with them. I absolved myself of their problems. Now my kids aren't perfect by any stretch however they were not permitted to fail through my laziness or my ex.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 4:27pm

Pure laziness and education is not a priority. This is so frustrating. I'm glad indoor soccer is coming and less time at home with you on the weekends Wink Wink

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 5:36am

I watched this happen last year during school, and made the mistake of voicing my opinion about it. This year, it's happening again and I just quietly sit back and act like I don't know. Last year, neither SK's GPA was over 1.1 and although it's a little better this year, it's not by much. Although both bioparents have access to the SK's grades online, either they don't look or they don't care.

Maybe I look like a freak to them because I am ALWAYS checking grades, looking at uncompleted assignments if any, and talking to my kids about their grades. I have to keep on my son because if he could, he'd "forget" to do a lot of his homework, although he's getting a lot better. I had promised myself that I wouldn't look at my SK's grades (they're on the "family account") but I've snuck a couple peeks... bad grades, each have LOADS of assignments not turned in. But, it's not my place to say anything.

Oh well.