BM just shows up unannounced...
...around six this evening she showed up with SD in front of my house. She "needed" to get some school papers signed. Ironically SO had been texting with her about this very subject and she failed to mention she was in the neighborhood. Just popped in. Never mind that BM lives an hour away. Well, SO headed outside to deal with it and BM trapped him between her two open car doors as he leaned inside to sign. This is an old trick of hers to get close to him. When I got outside she was standing six inches away from him, trying to flirt. She does this all the time.
Then, she was talking to SD and referred to SO as "dad," instead of "your dad," which is disrespectful to me and I'm convinced intentional. She thinks they are still married. I was so livid he allowed her to physically trap him that way, right in front of our house. I'm sure she just loved it that he allowed it, right in front of me. Meanwhile she pretends I don't exist.
So, we had a big argument about it. I was humiliated. It's very hard to explain exactly why this makes me so angry... maybe because we've talked about this a million times. Maybe because he's had a very hard time drawing boundaries with BM. Maybe because I had to remind him AGAIN that I hate when BM does this. She'll even turn her back on me and try and have a "private" conversation with him. Makes me sick.
The worst part is that he allows it. He doesn't flirt with her intentionally, and I know he's not attracted to her any more, but I think it's just as bad that he does nothing to stop her from pining over him. He's very naive about her feelings for him and her intentions. Sometimes he understands, then something like this happens.
I was THIS close to saying to her, "Is he your DAD? No? Then why are you calling him DAD? That's what my mom calls my father... and they're still married. You must be confused." Now I wish I had said something.
On top of all this, the reason BM was in town was because she was driving SD around. You see, SD got her car privileges taken away today because she stayed out all night on Saturday. So, what did BM do? Come to town and act as SD's personal chauffeur! That'll teach her not to break curfew! Thanks for the support on that one, BM!
My life is a constant struggle. It's something new every day. SD17 tries to stay home from school every day by faking sick and throwing tantrums. SO has daily and nightly blowouts with her. She loves the attention. When I'm away from home I'm constantly worried about the damage she's likely to cause the house. I don't have a moment of peace.
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WTF. Do these men think we
WTF. Do these men think we are stupid? Are THEY stupid? They know their tricks....they know it bothers us - but they act completely helpless? It's like on bad movies when men are married and a woman comes in and kisses them on the mouth...and the men act like they can't pull away? They let it go on for like 2 whole minutes before they stop it...makes them look weak and dumb. Can she not sign papers by herself? Since when do both parent signatures have to be on something? We live in a world where over half of families are stepfamilies or blended...you can't tell me they need both signatures. Why did he have to go near the car? How the heel do you get trapped in between doors?
I said, "SO, you can just
I said, "SO, you can just say, 'excuse me,' and go around her." He agreed that was a good idea. Frustrating thing is we already talked about this... a lot. It's like he "forgets" how hung up on him BM is... then she pulls some crap like this and he remembers again. But only after I get completely furious.
I've said, "Am I crazy? Do
I've said, "Am I crazy? Do you not see how disgustingly flirtatious and obscene she is being? Do you not see she is obsessed with you?"
He says, "I know. You're right."
So, the next time she pulls this... SO, please remember to respect me! Its like he has amnesia about this stuff.
A big part of it is that she trained him for fourteen years. Tonight, I told him, "You have to change your relationship with her. You can't act like she's your wife anymore." And he gets it. Totally understands the situation. Then something like this happens... and he has to be reminded again! Drives me crazy.
He's probably flattered that
He's probably flattered that she is still carrying a torch for him. Male egos seem to need this for some reason. Probably best to try and ignore it, or, every time it happens, start talking about how you admire such and such a man, and give him a taste of his own medicine.
She sounds an absolute nightmare and I am so sorry you have to tolerate this crap. Regarding the "rewarding bad behaviour",regarding the SD17, our BM does this - I have trained, if I can term it thus, DH not to do so. He does get it, at last.
He not doing anything to stop
He not doing anything to stop her antics so she will continue.
I don't get the issue with saying dad, your dad, your father, mommy, mother...everyone I know, married and single,uses all of these from time to time. It's not rude or disrespectful.
I don't see the big issue
I don't see the big issue between "dad" and "your dad". I mean, if when they were married she said "dad" why should that change?
The blocking him at the car would bother me.
I never give it any thought,
I never give it any thought, but I would guess I probably do a little of both when talking to either SS or DD. Really, I have too full a life to spend time overanalyzing how I phrase things to two emotionally healthy kids. Now, when I was raising an unhealthy exSS this was important... Maybe that is the issue?
While I do agree that DH
While I do agree that DH needs to enforce boundaries, there comes a time when we, as Steps have to stand up for ourselves. I have let BM know that she is in no way to EVER darken my doorstep or I will take it as an act of aggression and react as so. This is your home. PERIOD.
I'm getting to the point
I'm getting to the point where I will say something to her. I was raised to be polite and not speak my mind... but I am learning how to do that now. Thanks for your encouragement.
Sorry you're dealing with
Sorry you're dealing with this nonsense. I am with you completely. DH seems to want to be confused about BM's behavior. She showed up in booty shorts three days before our wedding, making sure to bend over three times with her ass toward his face, and he didn't even notice. It's astounding. I was so surprised I actually just laughed and didn't get mad until thirty minutes later, at which point I was livid with pretty much the entire universe.
The reason this is so infuriating is because it's neverending. And confusing. I don't know why they have the power to keep shocking us with bad behavior. We should expect it by now.
Wow, that's awful. It's
Wow, that's awful. It's amazing how oblivious these DHs can be to BM's tricks. It's so obvious to me (and probably other people too) but he doesn't see it until I point it out to him.
It's frustrating how she's able to make us both feel bad. This is not someone I would choose as a friend or even LIKE, were she not my Skids' BM. Why is it that she can wreak such havoc in my home... when I don't even care for her?