My son has inattentive disorder, which is the "new name" for ADD (he's not hyperactive). Anyhoo, I had noticed for quite a while the same symptoms you are describing and finally made the decision to have him tested. He spent 2 days going thru various tests administered and interpreted by a pediatric neuropsychologist and sure enough...... way off the charts in inattentiveness, and also impulsiveness (they tend to go hand in hand).

I too battled with the "don't want my child to be labeled" thing... but these days? Sheesh, everyone has a label. Remember when it was horrible to be labeled a divorcee, or child of divorce? Now, common place. I think many would be surprised at the number of children who carry "labels" at school.

Let me give you a little insight to what happens as your child gets older (my son is now 11). This is my point of view only: He had trouble making/keeping friends. He was a social disaster. His self-esteem bottomed out not only because he didn't have any friends due to him impulsive and disruptive behaviors, but because he was constantly in trouble at school, in front of everyone. When his self-esteem hit rock bottom and he became depressed, it was a no-holds barred situation with him, he just kept getting worse because he had already convinced himself he'd never get better.

Academically, my son is extremely smart (one of the tests that was given to him was an IQ test, and he excels in math). However, lack of concentration and disorganization left him with F's no matter how much everyone worked with him.

I struggled with putting him on meds, but went ahead starting with the lowest dose possible. The meds have been titrated up over the last 3 years as he's grown. Although my son still has some things he has to work on such as his organizational skills, he's a much different child. And he does NOT walk around zombie-like as some people fear. He's very active athletically, he plays hockey and practices martial arts.

They say it tends to run in families. I can tell you this - if they had that diagnosis back in the day, I would have been labeled ADD. But instead, I was labeled a trouble-maker, talker, kid who was unable to sit still, had marginal grades (as an older teen I took a formal IQ test and scored extremely high) and was the all-around classroom pain in the ass. Every single one of my gradecards attests to this. To this day, I struggle with staying on task, being organized, remembering things, and paying attention to what people say to me.

It's an individual decision what you should or need to do. I can only tell you my insights from having a child with ADD, and most likely having it myself.

Is he in kindergarten or 1st grade?

Is redshirting common in your area? If so, where does he fall age wise with the rest of the class?
If he's in kindergarten, did he attend preschool or day care last year?

I think 5 is a little young for a diagnosis of that nature. My brother's youngest got in trouble EVERY DAY at school in kindergarten. She was plenty old enough to enter, she just wasn't ready for the long hard slog of behaving every day. I'd give it time and, if he hasn't settled by first grade, then maybe get him analyzed. And yeah, the spanking probably isn't going to do it. When my oldest BD gets in trouble for talking too much in class, I take away privileges. I tell her if she can't behave at school, then she'll get punished there and at home as well. She doesn't like that, so she tries harder. So far so good.

My husband has adult ADHD. Please for the sake of your ss, get him to a therapist. It really sounds like he has add/adhd (and not that he is misbehaving and deserves punishment). When he is an adult, It will a huge impact on his relationships, job performance, money (impulsive decision making), etc etc, if it it not treated. You have my sympathies. It's like living with a highly distractible energizer bunny (but we love em : ) ). And as for your husband's concern, there is no stigma attached to add/adhd.