SS9's Latest Phase...
An update - BM got her very own phone instead of using the one we got for SS9. Hooray! Now if she'd only get a car so she wasn't reliant on other people (but she seems to be against doing ANYTHING to foster her own independence from using other people, so it's unlikely).
But the latest phase for SS9 has been every time he comes over (EOW now), the first night he's here he spends a good amount of time crying to DH when he tucks him in, telling him he wishes DH and his mommy (BM) would do stuff together with him. This just came about the other night when I questioned DH about what had been going on at bedtime, as I can hear SS9's whiny/crying/sniffing voice through the bedroom wall when I'm in the neighboring room (computer room). So apparently this has been going on the last 3 or 4 visits. DH says that he's just comforted him and told him he's sorry he feels that way, etc.. He hasn't reinforced, however, that it is not going to happen. Opinions on this? I think if it comes up again next visit he should gently remind SS9 that mommy and daddy are not going to get back together and that they can't do activities together, but that it's not his fault, they both love him, etc.. I know it's every child's desire to have his parents together, but obviously that's not going to happen here so it's best to not get hopes up. Poor kiddo.
In addition to that, SS9 has been actively stating how he wants he and his dad to ditch me during family activities, or at just about any time we're all doing something together. Obviously DH doesn't play along with that and so far his response is to ignore it. I don't say anything, and DH and I are good humored enough to just exchange smirks when it happens. But should we (or rather, DH) say something about it? There was a point this last Sat. where SS9 was downright rude to me and DH immediately took him aside and firmly established how that was not acceptable any time, and had him apologize to me. But this constant "Hey dad, let's just you and I ride bikes to the park and SM can go by herself!" stuff... should we just continue to ignore it? He was doing it so much this last weekend that I was starting to get a little irritated. Thoughts, opinions?
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Comments
Yes, he needs to explain
Yes, he needs to explain things to the kid, rather than just ignoring him! As long as your husband ignores this behavior, it will continue and it will get worse, because you husband is allowing it.
Yep, my dh just ignored when
Yep, my dh just ignored when my ss started treating me like crap years ago. He thought if he just ignored it-it would go away or it was some sort of "phase" ss was in. Whatever. He's now 13 years old and has been treating me like crap since about age 6. I doubt it will ever stop as it has now become a habit and he has gotten away with it for so long. Since I cant make dh make ss stop-I just dont allow ss in my home or around me. I care enough about myself to finally stop subjecting myself to it.
So, yes, please address with the child, before it gets out of hand and you end up like me. That being said, the kid should have some one on one time with dad and then there should also be family time. However, a child cannot "disinvite" you from activites that you are planning or in your own home.
Yeah, I get that feeling too,
Yeah, I get that feeling too, like it really should be addressed. This has only really been going on for the last month or so, and discipline where it relates to his son is not DH's strong point. In fact, I constantly feel like the "evil stepmom" by pointing out times when he really should be taking a harder stance with his son. But yeah, I will certainly not tolerate being disrespected in my own home, and SS9 is walking a very fine line right now.
DH does lots of things with SS9 without me... fishing, Cub Scouts every week. They went off for several hours last Sat., so there was plenty of time they had spent together lately.
Thanks for the input.