Question: BM's Kid's Last Name?
When we dropped off the kids at BM's, the woman actually didn't come up to my car. Score! She was also eating, which is weird for her (she's about 90lbs.). My first thought was: is she pregnant? 
She doesn't look it, but that crossed my mind.
Anyway, FDH and I got to talking about it and he thought of something I did not. BM and her boyfriend are not married, and it's unlikely that they will get married any time soon. BM kept FDH's last name, presumably so she would have the same last name as the kids. She cannot change their last names without FDH's permission, and that would be a cold day in hell. But if she did get pregnant, what last name would her child take? If she wants to have the same last name as ALL of her children, then she would have to give FDH's name to her baby. FDH has no say in that of course, but man would that just be a slap in the face. I'm assuming her BF wouldn't like that option either, and would probably want any kid of his to have his last name. I dunno.
It's not really important and it's not our choice at all, but hey I'm kind of curious about it and thought I'd throw it out here. Has anyone had experience in this arena? Mind you, BM is the kind who likes picture-perfect images, and I don't think different last names would sit well with her at all.
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I'd imagine she'd give the
I'd imagine she'd give the baby her last name or her BF's. Either way, isn't this a hypothetical pregnancy?
Neither of the BM's I've had have had additional children.
Oh yes, this is pretty
Oh yes, this is pretty hypothetical. This was just a question brought on my a random thought crossing my mind.
I know BM wants another kid, but I don't think her BF would go for it (yet). He's pretty old for a baby, but I say 'yet' because she might wear him down over time.
I think it is a VERY
I think it is a VERY leginment question as it is your dh's last name not hers! Dh gave her the name when they got married he could have asked it be changed but b/c he is thinking of his kids he didn't. So I think it would be very wrong of her to give the new 'baby' that name and not the 'baby's' fathers name. It is what is right for the baby not her.
Yeah but when have most of
Yeah but when have most of our BMs ever thought about anyone but themselves.
Thank you! I had no idea that
Thank you! I had no idea that he could have requested that she change her last name. Not to put down my dear FDH, but I'm pretty sure that he did not ask it to be changed simply because he did not know he could. He's expressed quite strongly that it irks him that BM has his last name, and he wishes there was some way he could court order her to give it up. Obviously a request is not an order, but if he had known about it I'm sure he would have done that.
Anyway, I don't know what BM would do. It certainly would be wrong, both to FDH and to her BF, if she gave a new baby FDH's last name. I don't think she would, but I wouldn't put it past her. FDH knows her a lot better than I do, and he was concerned about it. Even if she did though, that's technically [legally] none of our business and there's nothing we could do about it. It would just kind of suck.
My ss has Dh's last name,
My ss has Dh's last name, even though Bm and my Dh were never married. Bm then married a guy and took this guy's last name. They had no kids together. That guy died a couple months after they were married. She kept that guy's last name. Then she met another guy and had a daughter with him. The girl has her father's last name but Bm never married the guy so she still has the deceased husband's last name. Now Bm is engaged again. I'm assuming when/if she gets married, she'll take this guys last name.
Try to keep track of ALL of those last names!
Ps:
I cut out a few boyfriends in between all the ones I mentioned to keep it less confusing!
Good Grief! I just want BM to
Good Grief! I just want BM to change her name to ANYTHING other than MY last name. I hate being associated with her.
Wow. So curious as to what
Wow. So curious as to what culture THAT is....? That's just twisted.
When BM got pregnant (on
When BM got pregnant (on purpose, and then aborted it) I flat out asked her what last name she was planning on giving the kid. And then when her BF broke up with her, I told her "I hope you don't plan on giving that baby DH's last name". She kinda looked at me sideways, and then told me she wasn't keeping it. Just one more action confirming what a POS she is. Getting pregnant intentionally, and then aborting it. That is a new kind of low in my book.
most likely she would
most likely she would hyphenate her last name (and your DH's) with the bio-dads and have the child primarily use bio dads last name that way for dr's and teachers and whatever she would still have a name link but so would the childs dad.
You know, I thought about
You know, I thought about that, but for some reason BM doesn't seem like someone who would like to hyphenate. I could be totally off and she might do that, which wouldn't be unreasonable. But from what I do know about BM, I just get the impression that she wouldn't go for that. She's not really a compromiser, and she's rather parochial.
I kept my ex-husbands last
I kept my ex-husbands last name at his request when we divorced. He has a GF and has never gotten married to her. She uses his last name once in a while on school stuff but her legal last name is her former husbands last name.
Now BF and I aren't married so I have my ex's last name and BM has BF's last name LOL What a mess!! If BF and I got married I would go back to my maiden name. I don't want to share a last name with BM at all and BF has a very unusual last name that sounds funny with my first name.
Crazy witch kept my DHs last
Crazy witch kept my DHs last name for years, although court papers stated she was to change them. She claimed the same excuse. She actually had 2 other kids with her new DH and the didn't have my DH's last name, but her DH's last name...so what the heck was the point? Anyway, eventually, as DH harassed her, she changed her last name...or so she claims. We do know her and her hubby did a lot of lying to get a house, used DH's last name for accts, etc...so who knows the REAL reason she kept DHs last name for so long. I think it is ridiculous honestly.
My son and I do not have the same last name and he is not in the least bit bothered by it. He has his father's last name as it should be. Period.
PS - DH and I are currently married, but where I live maiden name is ALWAYS used. Actually, even for men dad's last name, followed by mom's last name is what will be on ALL official papers...
It happens. My
It happens. My half-brother's mother kept our Bio-Father's last name when they got divorced. My half-brother's BM (not my BM) then had a daughter with a guy that took off. Because she kept my BF's last name so she and my brother would have the same name, she then gave that last name to her daughter, too. Probably nice for the daughter since her only family is her mom and brother.
Well let me tell you what can
Well let me tell you what can happen...My brother's ex wife kept his last name after they divorced and she went on to have three illegitmate babies and named them all with our family last name. There was nothing my brother could do about it. Now she lived with her boyfriend,unemployed and didn't appear to even care about these kids and I'm not even sure if she knows who they belong to. Trashy Trashy Trashy !
Now fast forward and these kids are now grown and we all live in a small town. We have to explain ALL the time why these grown people with the same last name of my family is really not my family. Talk about being embarrassed. I don't even want my family name associated with them and here they are multiplying like hell and slapping my famly name on every baby they pop out. My family name is an uncommon name so it does not go unnoticed.
So see, now we have the trashy exwife's kids having kids at 14 years old and of course, guess what name is plastered all over the hospital incubator and newspaper?
It never stops.
I wonder if these people ever wonder where their name came from. They all remind me of a bunch of muts.
Good Lord, that's definitely
Good Lord, that's definitely a worst case scenario on this topic. I'm sorry!
BM, thankfully, is not one to sleep with the town. It would just be a slap in the face for FDH because her BF is the man she cheated on FDH with. She cares about her kids though, and I don't see them running off and doing bad things with his name. That must be aggravating. Ever consider moving?
BM kept my DH's last name,
BM kept my DH's last name, and when she got remarried a few years ago she hyphenated DH last name and her new husband's last name. It was so she would still have the same last name as her kids. Recently I learned that when SD9 (6 at the time) learned they were getting married she had a royal fit about her mom changing her last name.OMFG. Apparently thought it would be confusing at school or something. Well, can't have sweet little baby girl upset now, can we? Ugh. When I married DH I took his last name, so my last name is now different from my DS10. It has never caused an issue in school. Everyone knows I am his mom. A couple times someone got confused and called me Mrs. (DS10 last name) but who cares? Just because we have a different last name does not make me any less his mom. But now BM will always have DH's name as part of hers, ugh... disgusting!