Last night, I was embarrassed by BM - and she wasn't even in the area......
Went to a parent meeting for SD12. She's in a running program after school two days a week. Those two days just happened to be when the skids have spent the night at BM's house and have to get up and go to school from there......which means wake up late, no time to brush teeth, no time for breakfast, and certainly no time to think about what's going on that day, and what appropriate clothes the skids should wear.
So, I get to the meeting a little early and the girls are still on the track. My SD12 is the only kid running around in her jeans, wrong shoes (we bought her running shoes specifically for this activity), and no water bottle. Now, mind you - WE did not sign SD12 up for this after-school activity. BM has ALL the papers that explain everything SD12 is required to have for every practice. But, although, we didn't sign her up, I am not a stupid person. I realize what SD12 needs on those days: proper cloting to wear, or at least take with her to change into, proper shoes, and a water bottle.
Anyways, since the activity falls on OUR two days that they come here after school, I am the one to pick her up and attend any meetings. So, last night we are at the meeting, and the coaches are giving us parents some information regarding the program, what to expect, and so on.
They talked about how the kids should be dressed appropriately, you know, layering for cold weather, wearing appropriate shoes, - and the coach said specifically, NO JEANS. She's smiling and looking at me, and then she says - I know mornings can be kind of hectic, but maybe a good idea would be to get things ready the night before? REALLY, coach. YA THINK?
Now, ladies, I felt such a NEED to stand up and say: SD12 was not at my house last night, or this morning. If she was at my house, she would have been prepared.
But, alas, I could not say any of this. With 20 sets of parents sitting there, with SD12 sitting there, I said nothing. I just nodded along with all the other parents who think preparing the night before, OR getting up a little earlier in the morning to prepare, is a GREAT idea.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Nor will it be the last. Is it petty of me to let this kind of stuff bother me? I mean *I* know the truth. Shouldn't that be enough? DH and SD12 know the truth. Shouldn't THAT be enough?
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That has happened to me my
That has happened to me my DD's soccer - her dad signed her up and then he didn't get her the stuff she needed AND he told me she didn't need anything when I asked weeks in advance so I could go out and get it.
Very embarrassing.
Yep. Embarrassing because
Yep. Embarrassing because all the other parents, coaches, kids, EVERYBODY thinks that I'm not "with it", or that I'm scatter-brained, or just don't care. AND I have been one of those parents who have looked at other parents and said to myself: What's wrong with you? How could you send your kid to school like that?
Ugh.....I just hate it.
Unfortunately sometimes the
Unfortunately sometimes the BMs will do it intentionally-hope that is not the case with u-but really makes u just want to say....HELLO!! That is UR child dumbass!!
On an up note though-maybe u could put the responsibility onto the 12 year old to make sure she has what she needs....I'm sure SHE was embarrassed as well....
Our solution was to send some
Our solution was to send some clothing with SD12 to keep in her locker to change into. Most of the girls change into different clothes, anyway. This way, since I pick up SD12, she can just bring them home with her to be washed and she can take another pair back with her the next day. We do put a lot of responsibility on the skids, as far as, remembering this or that, BUT isn't that the mom's job also? I think what pisses me off more than anything is that our BM KNOWS she doesn't have to be "on top" of everything, because she has ME!!!!!!!!!! I pick up the slack ALL the time. And the bitch still bad-mouthes me every chance she gets.
Happens a lot for me, since
Happens a lot for me, since SS has no appropriate clothing at his moms. I have gotten blunt. "I am the stepmom and he was not at our house last night. You will need to bring that up with BM. I know we have."
Bitchy I know, but good lord Lady!!! Look at what your kid is wearing when he is leaving your house. I once got reprimanded by a mom, because my SS's pants were too short. That was it.
Now when we get him, if we are going somewhere we have clothes with us or we go back home for him to change. We keep a brush in the car, because his hair is always a wreck.
All of this is reason we have full custody of him now as of Sunday at 6:00 PM.
Well, my SD12 needs a running
Well, my SD12 needs a running buddy. She asked me to be that buddy. I gladly said yes. So, I will be at all the practices from now on, and I'm sure that I will get to speak with the coaches, and they will get to know me better, and understand the situation better.
I asked SD12 if she maybe wanted to ask her BM to be her buddy first,- just trying to not "overstep" my boundaries here, and SD12 said, Well, BM always pulls a muscle every time she runs, so I don't think she will want to do it.
Ha ha, this made me smile (inside, of course!), because BM won't RUN for anything, unless she's being chased from her responsibilities!!!
The girl is 12. She is old
The girl is 12. She is old enough to know what she needs to take for track. Maybe if the coach sat her out for a couple of practices? I would give her a bag to carry the clothes in and it is her responsibility to take it to school. Kids can get very selective with what they remember.
As for the coach, have a word in her ear... I am sorry * is dressed inappropriately. However her parents share custody and we don't have the chance to get her prepared on *day and *day because she is with her mother. I can give you her ph number so you can discuss this with her. I wish I could help but I am her stepmother and I don't want to step on toes. (Assume apologetic smile and a small shoulder shrug.)
Oneoffour - You are
Oneoffour - You are absolutely right. She's 12 and shouldn't have to be reminded daily of what she needs for school. DH and I talked about this exact thing this morning. She is very selective! She remembers to ask for extra money, if they're having ice cream the next day!
Their BM uses this excuse all the time: "I forgot."
Now, both skids will use it all the time. DH and I have decided to set up certain punishments for the "I forgot" issues. "I forgot" cannot be used all the time for everything every week of your life.