'Family' photo
I was checking facebook tonight and scrolled across a picture of my husband posted by SS19... taken this weekend while at a family get-together with DH's 'former' family... BM and all. It was SS19's going away party... he's leaving for boot camp next week.
Anyways, the picture was of my husband, his two sons with BM (SS19 and SS12) and BMs youngest son from her current marriage. It was a tad awkward watching the picture be taken... but I didn't know why... I mean it's 3 brothers (technically from 3 different dads but DH raised SS19) and a father of basically two of the boys.
Why does it feel like I'm looking at a picture of my husband with someone else's family? Why does this bother me? SS12 and SS19 ae supposed to be my family now... Although, it doesn't yet feel like 'my family'. But with the younger brother in the picture.. it was just weird.
We have no kids together... Someone help me see some perspective here?
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I understand your irritation.
I understand your irritation. Try to see it from your SS's perspective. He wanted a picture of his parents and siblings. It would have been nice if he included you though, but he did not include his stepfather either, so I would not dwell on that too much. I have had pictures taken of my bio daughter and her father's other children, for the children's benefit. She also has two younger siblings by me, and this weekend, I got pictures with them as well. My current husband was a little irritated as well, but all of these children are related to my eldest bio daughter.
Bottom line, I wouldn't really worry about this one. After all, you were there, so no one was hiding it from you. Let this one go, something more important will come up before you know it. Save your energy.
Sounds like it's time for you
Sounds like it's time for you guys to get some studio family photos taken of just you guys and the kids you consider part of your actual family.
No BM, of course. You, Dh and the kids you guys have in your home regularly.
My SS does not try to exclude
My SS does not try to exclude me from anything, but if DH and BM get within a mile of each other he makes a big production about getting a picture with just him and his mom and dad. I am on the fence about this but it still creeps me the hell out to see BM DH and SS in a “family” picture. YUK!
The pictures are a reminder
The pictures are a reminder that they were a family before you.
I do understand the feelings of weird.
When the fskids talk about the past when their mom and dad were married. I get that life before me feeling too.
I think is is normal. But I do feel your pain.
In our household we have 3
In our household we have 3 sets of kids. My husband has a son and daughter from a first marriage, they are 32 and 35. He also has one daughter and two sons from a second marriage ages 12,11 and 10. I have 3 children from a previous marriage a son 26, a daughter 25 and another son 20. The last time we had a "family photo" of the 10 of us was 5 years ago when we got married.
It does hurt when my older skids want a picture with only Dad. But I try to see it from their perspective. I'm not their mother, but he is their father. I'm not out of every picture but there are times when they just want Dad.
My daughter just recently graduated from college and we had pictures taken at my XIL home. There were pictures taken with her, her father and me. Then there were pictures taken with her, her father and his SO. The same was done with her, me and her step dad. Strangely enough I felt weird having my picture taken with my xh. I kept thinking about my husband's and my ex's SO feelings.
For me, I try to keep all the kids needs and feelings above my own. What I mean when I say that is, the children didn't ask for a divorce to happen to their family. As adults we need to stay as positive as we can for them, no matter what age they are. I try to keep a good relationship with all the children. If it's a simple picture they want of themselves and their parent or parents, it's not alot for them to be asking for.
I can understand also. SD9
I can understand also. SD9 has pics on her FB from way long ago of DH and BM and herself as one big happy family and it annoys the crap outta me. It just seems so strange that she has like 4 pics on her FB and one of them is this super old pic of the three of them.
It all depends on the
It all depends on the circumstances...
Believe it or not, I had a picture of all of us, including BM, skids, xDH's parents, etc. hanging up in my home. I even let BM stay overnight at our house on Christmas eve so she could experience Christmas morning with the entire family - her kids included. She was on leave from a tour in Afghanistan and I couldn't stand the thought of her waking up in a hotel room alone on Christmas.
In a weird way, I considered her part of my extended family. And, it helps that we got (mostly) along and she was a gracious and grateful guest. I fully realize I'm weird.
However, I wouldn't let my current SO's ex step foot in my house under any circumstances. But she's earned no goodwill whatsoever.
BM wasn't in the picture (she
BM wasn't in the picture (she was just watching!)... just dad and his two sons and thier little brother (BMs youngest son). It's not that I'm not included in the family. BMs family likes me. The two SS's care about me and they didn't intentially leave me out. I feel uncomfortable getting my picture taken, especially with someone else's family. I did take a picture with me, DH and SS19. BMs mom even told me to get in the picture so that was nice. Maybe what threw me was when BMs youngest son was thrown into the picture with DH and his two sons.
I know, I know... they are brothers and logically, this is ok and should be no big deal. But it just stinks to see your husband in pictures with someone else's kids that are not biologically yours too. This just seems to go against nature. It's just weird. It's like I was looking in a window at my husband with another family.
Even after 2 years of marriage and SS19 living with us for 1 year and SS12 with us the whole time, they just still don't feel like MY family. But I would like to have a family picture taken of me, DH, both SS's and BS. It just still feels weird.
Honestly, I have no pics of
Honestly, I have no pics of me and my parents. I think this whole pics with the family and mom and dad is a stepkid thing. None of my friends whose parents are still married have this whole "pics with mom and dad" on facebook...I don't get it.