Oops! I think this was meant for someone else.
So I got a text message from SS15 last night saying "MT1ST2 seemed really mad about having to x. Or her and dad were fighting". I'm sure he meant to send it to BM. I am really pissed because even if I was in a bad mood or arguing with my husband it is none of her business. I am also hurt because I don't understand why he would send that to his mom anyways. This comes after a request from BM to DH asking if SS15 had to come over on the weeks we only have him one day. I haven't said anything to SS15. I haven't said anything to DH either. Should I? Are they "keeping track" if you will of what goes on at our house to use against us in some way??? Need advice please.
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I'm snotty i would have text
I'm snotty i would have text back and said "I guess this wasn't for me, huh?" "Whoever this was for, my business isn't theirs to know"
I once heard my SD15 and her cousin talking about me in the bathroom. I yelled in to them "I can hear you" no talking after that for a while.
I thought about it but I
I thought about it but I didn't want to make things worse by saying something back.
Worse? No. Its just you
Worse? No. Its just you standing up for yourself. If the tables were turned, skid would have gone to dad and you would have been told about it.
If you did it, he'd pay more attention to who he's texting.
LIke I said though, its just what I would do. Maybe not for your situation. I just think if skids and DH get called out more, they might straighten up.
How do you know she does
How do you know she does this?
Yep, the skids actually
Yep, the skids actually ADMITTED to us that they were grilled from day one after they returned from our house by the Behemoth.
This was after the Behemoth encouraged them to lie to CPS to get a report sent to the NYS Maltreatment and Child Registry on GG.
You can assume that ANY skid is actually reporting back to the BIOmother Ship, so make sure you give him something to text about.
SM (when SS is present) "WOW I won a modeling contract with the Ford Modeling Agency!"
"I guess my application for the Survivor show is being considered right now!"
"Dh, Did you know I"m related to George Washington (or Barack Obama, or Justin Bieber)?"
Have some fun with it!! Be creative!!
This is pretty standard fare
This is pretty standard fare for visitation situations.
The SpermIdiot and SpermGrandMa put SS through the ringer every time he headed to SpermLand for visitation. It started when he was 2yo.
Over the 17+yrs of visitation they added a bunch to their interrigation question library. Everything from what house we live in, cars we drive, do we fight, does my wife have her associates, BS or Masters (they have been told a dozen or more times but are too F-in stupid to understand degree hierarchy), does my wife still love the SpermIdiot, your StepDad is rich your mom does not need CS, etc, etc, etc....
When SS returned home from visitation we go would through the standard "How was your trip, what did you do, how are your younger (SpermIdiot Spawned) half sibs, how is your Aunt, Uncle, Cousin and (SpermGrandMa) and (SpermGrandPa) doing? We ask no specifics.
After a few weeks of post visitation DeTox SS will finally just dump everything that the SpermClan asked, said, did, etc, etc, etc.... while he was there along with his own thoughts and opinions on their crap.
As he got older he learned to respond to their toxic crap immediately. "My mom and dad are not rich, they just work hard and went to college." "The court makes "Dad" pay CS, my mom and dad don't." "Grandma, if you can't affort to raise my younger sibs then make their father do it. He should be doing it anyway." "Yes GrandMa, we bought a new house in a very nice neighborhood. Mom and dad work hard to make sure I can go to good schools in the best school district." "Oh, dad got a new sports car. I don't remember what kind it is but it is really cool!. You should see it." "We went to Hawaii for 2wks after school was out. That is why I could not come until now."
As he got older and they would get shitty when speaking to him about his "real" life he learned to use the truth and facts to shut them up. Which also just made them more frustrated, jelouse and pissed off. Though that was not SS's motive, I sure appreciated it.
SS is a smart kid, knows how to analyze facts and form his own judgements and opinions. And, he heard his mom and I have "discussions" enough over the years that he knows how to fight effectively and in the case of his toothless moron SpermClan, they start the toxic crap and he shuts them down by respectfully baring their asses just about immediately.
We guided him to just respond with "Dad/GrandMa, I don't want to go in to this again. I am here to spend time with you and I want to have fun so lets not talk about mom and dad this time. OKay!"
But they would not let it drop she he learned that the facts shut them up in a hurry.
So, arm your Skid(s) with the facts and they will learn to manage the toxic parent they have to deal with.
IMO of course.
Would you guys say anything
Would you guys say anything to DH about it?
I absolutely would mention it
I absolutely would mention it to your DH. I think it's important that he knows what kind of communication goes on regarding your household. Obviously, he can't stop it, but simply being aware of how SS discusses your home with BM can give you & your DH some idea about what goes back to BM.
DH stopped sharing a lot of our information (that he shouldn't have been sharing with his kids anyway) once he realized he couldn't trust them to keep their yaps shut.
We hear no mention of what BM has or what she's purchased or what they do there with her, yet they seem to need to run down the list of our newest purchases & how much they were, what DH & discussed while they were there, anything DH & I disagreed about, etc. I'm pretty sure BM knows how many times I peed during each of their visits.
We couldn't stop them from talking, but it did clue us in to what we didn't need to discuss or share with them.
you should absolutely share
you should absolutely share with DH. My DH actually just blew a gasket with skids a couple of weeks ago about running home and telling BMs every stupid little thing that happens at our house (alot of which does NOT even pertain to them) as it just gives BMs a so called "reason" to call DH and DH told skids (maybe this wasn't the best thing to do) that he absolutely does.not.want.to.talk.to.BMs!!!! And it is seriously stupid crap... really, we are quite boring, it's not like we're a running a prostitution ring, operating a meth lab or beating BS1. So why skids even feel the need (other than being asked/told by BMs to spill information) to divulge how many craps they took, that we drove 3.2 miles to the store, or that BS1 had blue flip flops on... I have no friggin idea! But DH knows that it drives me INSANE! I HATE having people in my business...especially people that I loathe!
You can show DH, but you have
You can show DH, but you have to do it with "kid gloves." Otherwise DH will consider it an "attack" on his poopsie woopsie.
Once you do show DH:
"Hon, do you think this text was meant for me or the BM?"
Then start fabricating all sorts of crap so that the BM won't be able to sort out fact from fiction. The novelty will soon wear off.
i agree. I think it would
i agree. I think it would have made her look bad. Might as well just handle it herself.
I don't think you can stop
I don't think you can stop people from talking about you. This would work both ways and make this site redundant.
However tattle tailing to another adult (eg:BM/BF/grandparents)
is not acceptable.
I wouldn't jump him on it. I would let hints drop that you got the message. "The weirdest thing happened yesterday, I got some texts that I knew nothing about. Someone must have been trying to write a text fiction story for school because I couldn't understand what it was all about."
"DH, I was so tired from work yesterday. I bet we all have days when we seem to be angry or fighting with everyone. I certainly wasn't angry about 'x'. It was just a bad day. Love you to BITS! I wish everyone knew how much I love you but I guess people only want to know the bad stuff. Sigh!"
I don't care if BM knows our latest purchases. But she gave up the right to comment when she and DH got divorced. It isn't like he gave her enough time to save their marriage. But when she walked out of a counselling session (the one and only) saying "There is nothing wrong with me. It is all about him. I am fine." DH disconnected from her.
I refuse to live my life being scared of what she knows. i don't care if she knows. I don't care what she thinks. I know I am doing my best and I would sooner have my Japanese daughter inlaws non English speaking mother make a judgement call on me than BM. The trick is to show SS that telling his mother details of your lives has no effect on you at all but it has a major effect on his mother. Long term it plays out better for you.
My YSS spends most of his time here with us than at his mothers place. She has a list of chores a mile long (who welcomes their 18 yr old back form a high adventure scout camp that included a 66 mile hike with "Now you are back I need XY and Z done.") or complains about not having enough money.
I would show the text to my
I would show the text to my dh and let him handle it and if not I would tell him that if he doesn't I would and he will not like the way I handle it! This needs to stop now! She has NO business knowing what is going on in your home.
My dh went straight to bubble butt and told her that he knows that she grills them every time they come home and it needs to stop. Of course she argued but dh told her that he has no desire to know what goes on in her home and that what we do is not her business and it is wrong to put the boys in the middle and went on and on about the boys and what it does to them. See she has thing about being MOTY so when we or dh questions her on her parenting she usually stops b/c she wants everyone to think she is the BEST ever mom!! :sick:
But it works so dh uses it to make her stop that crap! I love it as we have something that we know will get to her.
My skids make a full report
My skids make a full report to BM the minute they return to her house. The other weekend FH and I were not happy with each other because of a disagreement over the skids (what else, right?) and, although we were careful not to actually argue in front of them, we were not our usual chatty selves to each other. The next day FH got a text from Mother Superior asking if he wanted to suspend visitation since he was "unable to be a proper parent while he is fighting with his girlfriend." Unbelievable. This from the woman who would literally SCREAM horrible things at him when they were married right in front of the kids!
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