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and then you realize it's not about you...

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 1:28am

or what you want...or what you need...but about what someone else needs and what someone else wants...and it doesn't matter how hard you try, it's only ok when you do for them...but don't ask for what you need in return, because then there's a problem...or an excuse...and you loose yourself...and it's your fault...and it's you who takes it the wrong way...but when they hurt you and you still try, and you do anything within your power to make it work...then it's ok...just make sure you don't ever expect anything in return. Sad

Comments

heath533's picture

Submitted by heath533 on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 4:27am

Sad I can totally relate. It's okay for him to treat me like crap but he wouldn't want his daughters to be treated like this. What's the point?

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 10:40am

Thanks for the advice. I am willing to try anything, but I really feel that I am out of options. It never ends. It's always the same. 12 years of it. I don't know what else in my life has to suffer for me to give up...

Sita Tara's picture

Submitted by Sita Tara on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 11:16am

Wow...

You know it was a crushing blow when my now ex turned on me and replaced me with another woman overnight. A crushing blow to realize it never was about me...or us...but all about him...his needs being met. He covered that well- as long as I was fully meeting them.

But one thing I can promise you about that phrase "about me"...

Is that it's freeing to realize it wasn't about me now. In other words...

I had nothing to do with anything dysfunctional imploding within him.

It truly wasn't personal it was his inability to function relationally- inability to be vulnerable enough to be sincere with me emotionally. My exH had to "defend" me to his daughter...his exw...his mom and SIL (according to him) but really? I think now that he probably initiated the discussions when I wasn't around so he could get a sound bite from one of them to inform me of what he was feeling without owning it was HIM feeling it. As in "my mom said you need to get a job" instead of...

I think you need to get a job.

Take heart in this- if you feel that your relationship is not about you...

the good side of that is...

his issues, his families issues, his kids issues
are not yours either.

and once you start realizing that you can start turning back toward the light that can be your life...
fully....
utterly...

ALL about YOU.

Hugs,
Sita