new school year, new teacher, should i give her the 411 about BM?
my ss6 is going into 2nd grade, he has a new teacher. For k and 1st grade he has had the same teacher and thankfully she was very in tune with our home life. we would email eachother and if ss had a bad weekend at his BM's i would tell her about it so that monday morning if he was a little out of sorts she would understand. 2 years of this contact with his teacher made school life for ss and us a little easier. teacher called me one day last year and asked me why BM called her for a conferenfce? i told her idk? she asked me " what am i going to talk to her about? she dosent live with ss, should i tell her how awsome he is doing that she is out of the picture?" i said " that sounds good to me" and she did. lol,, i love that lady.
so sould i write an email to his new teacher? should i tell her the 411 and that BM is not involved and that ss lives with us full time? i dont want to come across as this controlling evil "step mother" but, i would really like to have the same relationship with this new teacher and i did with her last teacher. ( thankfully, my ss teacher is my BD's 1st grade teacher this year)
what do you think? and if any of you are teachers, do you like it when parents do this?
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No. Absolutely not. You will
No. Absolutely not. You will appear to be the vindictive, nasty, "new woman."
If there's a court order, make sure the school has it on file.
Aside from that, zip your lip.
i know, but technically im
i know, but technically im not the "new woman", do you think that the old teacher could of already told the new teacher the deal about bm?
Teachers will talk. The word
Teachers will talk. The word will get out. Besides, the BM will show herself eventually. They always do. }:)
I stayed the "new wife" even after more than a decade of marriage. I think some stereotypes never leave.
Usually teachers would share
Usually teachers would share that information, however maybe just a quick e-mail letting her know that custody situation, etc and she will be able to make up her mind without direct influence from you. I think that is where you might be called "the evil sm". Good luck and hope its a great year!
I think that you and Dh
I think that you and Dh should meet with the teacher. Kind of just to get a feel for how the teacher runs things. Then kind of gradually tell her how things are without bad mouthing Bm. We were in this situation all of the time too. Ss came to live with us when he started 2nd grade. We also contacted the teacher thru emails.
The funny thing was, even during kindergarten and 1st grade when ss lived with Bm, we still had more contact with the teacher than Bm. The teacher knew which house ss got his homework done at and which didn't give a rat's a$$.
Unfortunately, the teacher is probably familiar with situations like this.
The teacher is used to
The teacher is used to dealing with stuff like this. And if you say anything even remotely bad about BM, you'll come across as the "evil SM".
Definitely let her know the custody situation. And leave it at that.
Although I'm not a full time
Although I'm not a full time teacher (I only teach Information Technology part time to K-8 students at the school my son attends - in addition to my regular full time job - I truly am crazy!), I can attest that teachers talk to each other - especially about kids who have had problems from year to year.
I really don't think you should start off the year with horror stories about the ex or anything like that. The child custody thing should be on file with the school and if you need to reiterate it to the teacher you can, but it shouldn't be necessary as your initial introduction to a new teacher. I think after you meet her and after things get going, you'll get a plan in place to help him succeed. It's really all we want.
I had a student who found out his mom wrote me an email (he's smart and snooped her email - wrong of him, but still - it can happen) all about his homelife and what was going on there and it mortified him. He was so embarassed. First he came to me and denied it all, then he just stopped talking in class. It sucked because he was a brilliant student.
what does it matter what type
what does it matter what type of custody BM has? It is still her son and if she wants to have a conference with the teach about her son's academic life, she should.
This is the same thing we stepmoms bitch about when BM stacks the deck against NCP dad. Both parents deserve unhindered contact with the school regardless of who the kid lives with full time.
Ooh, good point. I missed
Ooh, good point. I missed that. Yep, it sicks when the NCP gets left outta the loop.
Actually it does matter what
Actually it does matter what kind of custody BM has from the schools point of view - they can't allow people to come in and pick up or make decisions about the child unless it's the custodial parent(s). We've had other people try to sign field trip permission slips and we're simply not allowed to do that. For example - my son's dad can't sign a field trip permission slip. We were never married, have no visition or custody arrangement and in my state *I* am the sole custodian. The school can not accept his signature without my express permission.
If legal custody is shared,
If legal custody is shared, there is no difference in "rights" depending on physical custody. In your case, there is no joint legal custody. In most divorces, joint legal is awarded.
If there is a "sole" custody agreement, it should be on file with the school.
Legal and physical are NOT the same thing.
All I was saying is that it
All I was saying is that it should be on file with school. All the schools I've worked in had it on file. Sorry, I didn't mean to start an arguement about it.
No argument here I just make
No argument here
I just make sure my decree is on file as XH has no rights, either.
Wow, my kids school must be
Wow, my kids school must be REALLY out of compliance then. I sign EVERYTHING for SS. And often times my exMIL signs things for my girls, if their dad isn't around to sign and they are there. They have never said anything.
I am sure that if the custody
I am sure that if the custody situation plays THAT big of a role in your SS's education, that last years teacher has already filled the new teacher in on the situation. Trust me, I am tempted DAILY to call SS's new teacher and tell him that BM is NOT the involved responsible parent that she presented herself to be on the first day of school, but you know what??? That is just not my place. He will figure it out as the year plays out. And they have a copy of the custody schedule.
our papers are a bunch of bs
our papers are a bunch of bs that she hasent followed in years. techincally we have "joint custody" but he see's her the 2nd saturday of each month for a sleepover.
why would she want to have a teacher tell her " yes he is doing wonderful, without you in his life'? she already takes depression medication, why does she continue to try to make her self more despressed. It already hurts to know another woman he raising her son but why does she want to have people actually say this to her face is beyond me??
The teacher will figure it
The teacher will figure it out soon enough.
As a teacher I think the old teacher was out of line for calling you before speaking to BM. The comment about SS being better off without BM was out of line. It may be true but should have kept it to herself.
^^^^Yes. I think that teacher
^^^^Yes. I think that teacher was out of line and trying to establish the same kind of complicity with the new teacher is wrong.
@ disneyfan,, a little info i
@ disneyfan,, a little info i left out: this teacher he had for K and 1st grade knew the entire story of what went down when bm left her son and my fh for another man, its a long story but it was pittiful. mrs.B helped ss overcome his fear and anxiety of people leaving him. she told us about speacial groups in school that he would benefit from and other programs outside of school that would be helpful for a good transition. dont knock the teacher for keeping it real, knock the bm for being a fetus holder and coming around to find a new sperm donor at school functions.
I understand what you're
I understand what you're saying. I think Disney is just saying that it was unprofessional for a teacher to make that call/comment. Which, even though it was nice that she saw the sitch for what it is, is true. Teachers should never discuss parents/students with other parents/students.