I totally understand how much it hurts when the skids brashly object to you being called there "mom". I've been there. The first few times it happened I didn't know how to respond. Then I started making a joke about it and then I'd chase the kids with claw hands and say "Nope, I'm your EVIL stepmother!!!" and they'd laugh hysterically about it. A few times I tried to tell them, it's okay if strangers think I'm your mom, we don't have to explain. That goes over their head. I told them once or twice "You can call me Mommy SteppingUp if you want to." Then I started saying, "You can say, 'she's my stepmom', if you want to correct them." SD6 has said that at least once now.

And I too think it's extremely hypocritical when BMs like that pull their BS. My fiance is called "daddy" because BM wanted her daughter to call him that. So it would be no different than me being called "mom" or "Mommy SteppingUp" by the kids. But of course she put the kabosh to that right away.

Wow, I'd feel happy if she clarified I"m not her mother-

I'd follow up with that's right, there's no WAY I could be your mother and end up with a misbehaved bully brat like you-see people? NOT HER MOTHER!!! LOL I raise MY chidlren better then that.

This is very common.

Double standard.

The BM insists that the skids call her guy "dad" but recoils in horror if said children should call SM "Mom."

Biodad needs to talk to SS AND the BM. He needs to let the BM know that HE knows what has been going on and to tell her to cut it out.

Then he needs to talk to SS and explain to him that SisterNeko is considered his "stepmom" and he'll need to accept that.

I would think twice though about having a child with this man if he can't even stand up to the BM or set SS straight.

The "She's not my Mom" thing is PERFECTLY normal. It's happened to me countless times and always in public. The fact is...your SS is 6. He only knows what Mom has told him. And, he's got the greatest bond with Mom.

You know in your mind the role that you play and how important it is.

Hang in there.

not MOM doesnt mean, not important. Kids really only have one mom and one dad. But they have lots of adults who care about them, and who take care of them and and help raise them. We tend to place a lot of emotions on these key words. In your heart you feel like you are "mom" and so it hurts to have him clarify that you are not. But, he isn't really saying anything except the truth. No matter how much you do for him you aren't his mom.

but obviously his BM has been making statements to this effect, making him feel like he has to take her side and be careful not to call you mom or let anyone think that's who you are. So, probably talking to him about it and letting him know what he CAN call you is a good idea. There's no reason why just because BM has issues, that you can't make it a less stressful situation for SS by going along with the no mom title and letting him pick a title for you. (or give him some suggestions and ask which one he is comfortable with) That way when someone refers to you again as his mom, he can correct them without feeling like he is betraying is "mom" and also without hurting you as well.

These forums really make me feel so sad. So many families struggling, and so much contention and hostility from parents who have insecurities and freak out about their children. Like their kids are their favorite toy and they refuse to share them.

I know I would probably not want my child to call another woman mom, but that doesn't mean i would want my child to feel like they weren't allowed to like that other person. That's petty, and selfish, and hurts the child because they feel confused and torn.

When SD would say that, I would say Thank God under my breath. Didn't care who heard it. She deserved that with her vehement reaction. Now SS, I do refer to as my son but that has taken years for me to do that. He introduces me as his stepmom.

I would just always say he is my stepson. Just to clarify it for the other person.

No matter what it hurts when you know you are better to them than their own mother.

I too, feel like I want a baby with DH so badly, but realistically, if you are unsure about your marriage, then having a baby is not the best idea.

You said it, children DO last a lifetime, but have in mind that So do Ex-spouses...

FH will not stand up to his children and insist that I be treated with respect. I have gotten the "you are not my mom" from SS16 more times than I can count. I was taken back at first because I hardly think that asking him to take his plate from the table and put it in the dishwasher is the sole province of mothers! Recently, however, I have taken to replying "thank god I'm not!" or "for which you should be eternally grateful!" to him. If I were his mom he would have gotten a knot jerked in his little chain a looooooong time ago. And, had that not worked, at this point he would have his pansy ass in military school!